I Could Use Some Advice Right About Now

The profile setting glitch has been fixed, and you should be able to log in and register again! If you are still having problems logging in, please email:
bandbacktogether@gmail.com

 

I am going to try to keep this as short and to the point as I can. 

My husband and I are fighting right now because he thinks it is okay to spank my almost-3-year-old son bare bottom, and get in his face, and scream. My husband has Intermittent Explosive Disorder and does just that - explode. He also has PTSD from being in Iraq for two tours, but that is a whole other ball game. 

In my state, it is considered child abuse to spank bare bottom and especially if it leaves any kind of mark. I told this to him, and he said, and I quote, "I don't give a shit, they can't tell me how to punish my child. If you want to press charges against me, go ahead. I don't care."

I don't know what to do. I am sick of having to play mediator between my husband and son. My son doesn't know any better, and the things he gets spanked for are absolutely ridiculous. I don't want my son to fear his father. I fear him, and I am an adult. Imagine how my son feels. 

I know spanking is a debate among everyone. Some people are for it, others against it. It is just the way my husband goes about it and feels about the subject that really gets me. He just doesn't give a shit if my son is scared of him. Doesn't give a shit if I am scared of him. 

I am in the middle of a horrible storm and don't feel like I can get out of it. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly and immensely appreciated. 

0 Comments
A note about commenting: It only takes moments to comment but makes a world of difference to an author to know they are not alone: They're with the Band! Please share your support here!

My Story Of Surviving Sexual Abuse
The profile setting glitch has been fixed, and you should be able to log in and register again! If you are still having problems logging in, please email:
bandbacktogether@gmail.com
I am a seventeen year old girl. For quite some time, I had been experiencing strange feelings. Around ten months ago, I had an illness that lasted for three months. No doctor could tell the exact reason. Some of them said it was related to some kind of mental disturbance. I thought about my life at that moment. Everything was fine, so I ignored it.
Six months later, I found myself having trouble sleeping, isolating myself from people, and having suicidal thoughts. Everything in my life was amazing then. I couldn't figure out what was causing this, and because I failed to understand myself, everyone else did too. Three months later, during a chemistry test, I went blank and felt like a corpse.
I had figured it out, I had been raped.
It had started when I was nine years old. My mother had been transferred to a different state than where my father lived. We were living with my uncle and his family. I was very innocent, and was irritated and let down by my cousins who constantly mocked at me for everything I did.
One day, while my mom was at work, one of my male cousins came into my room and locked the door. He asked me to play with him. I was glad someone wanted to play with me. He wanted to play house, so he played the role of my husband. As the time to sleep came, he lay next to me and felt me all over, making me uncomfortable. He groped my tiny breasts and kissed me repeatedly. I felt so bad, I asked him to leave. I didn't really know what all was happening, but I knew it wasn't right. From then on, I avoided being with him alone. Time passed, we moved back in with my dad, and the incident was soon forgotten.
When I was twelve, I was at another uncle's house. My mom went out for sometime, and I was alone with my uncle. He sat beside me and hugged me. Then, he started touching me everywhere, and slid his hands inside my shirt. I ran away and stayed in the bathroom until my mom returned. I thought about telling her, but I was worried she wouldn't believe me, so I didn't say anything.
The next year, we stayed at my grandfather's house, without our parents. One night, my aunt's husband woke me up in the middle of the night by running his fingers up and down my legs. I was horrified and ran to the bathroom. My younger sister was sleeping in the same room, so I went back to the room, praying he wouldn't still be there. I didn't want to shout because my sister would wake up, and she was too young to witness this. He kept trying to feel my body under my clothes, so I kicked him very hard. I warned him to back off or else I would shout.
The next day, when I was combing my hair, he grabbed my breasts from behind and kissed my neck and back. I was bewildered. I stayed quiet because I was afraid my mom would not believe me and our family would fall apart. I was relieved when my parents came back.
Two months later, my aunt invited us to her place. My mother went out with my aunt to shop, and my father was busy with some work. I was on the computer with my back to the door, my aunt's husbad came in and locked the door. Before I could think of an escape, he made me lie on the couch and kissed my lips. He French kissed me and touched every part of my body. I shouted, but nobody seemed to hear. I was saved when the doorbell suddenly rang. I felt like telling my mom about it, but just couldn't. I told a trusted cousin about it, and the problem stopped.
When I was 15, I had a boyfriend. I was falling for him and thought I could trust him. One day, we had gone on a drive when he turned into a deserted street and stopped the car. I asked him what was wrong, and he started to kiss me. I kissed him back. He went further and took off my shirt. I was shocked and asked him to stop, but he got on top of me, unbuttoned both of our pants, and stuck out his penis. I told him I was on my period, and I begged him not to do it. He got off me.
I punched him and shouted for help, but no one listened. He asked me to blow him. I didn't know what that meant. He grabbed me by the throat, and pushed his penis inside my mouth. I understood then and punched his chest. He became violent, and he started to choke me. I knew I had to cooperate to stay safe. I begged him to stop. When I didn't give in, he made me rub and stroke his penis. Finally he ejaculated, then he drove me home, without saying a word.
I came back home only to discover my mom had read my diary and knew I was with my boyfriend instead of at my friend's house. I was shattered. My parents are completely against teenagers dating, so my mom acted like I had betrayed her. I didn't have the courage then to tell her what had happened.
I opened my phone to call up my best friend, but discovered I had a text from her that said she was diagnosed with blood cancer. I was breaking down.
After ignoring his calls, I finally decided I needed to meet with my boyfriend to tell him I was done. But when we met, he took me to a corner, and without wasting any time, he shoved his finger up my vagina. I was shocked, and I ran back home.
The next day, my dog died.
I was falling into a pit, and it seemed impossible to come out. With no one to talk to about this, I decided to just shove it in some corner of my heart. That resulted in bad health and emotional problems.
This September, I finally contacted a helpline and went to a counselor who changed my life. I told my parents about everything. They listened and stood by me, without blaming me. I am making a new start with the help of my loved ones.
0 Comments
A note about commenting: It only takes moments to comment but makes a world of difference to an author to know they are not alone: They're with the Band! Please share your support here!

Power Generators And Fish

The profile setting glitch has been fixed, and you should be able to log in and register again! If you are still having problems logging in, please email:
bandbacktogether@gmail.com

 

I remember in 2004, Florida had a really bad set of hurricanes. The hurricanes followed one right after the other. It was so bad that about 80% of my neighborhood - my house included - was slightly flooded. In addition our power went out.

In my house, we had two cats, and my dad had a 50 gallon fish tank. When the lights went out, my cats ran and hid. My dad was primed and ready with a battery operated bubble maker to keep his fish alive. Forget the fact that his wife and two daughters needed the batteries for flashlights or for the radio ...no the freaking fish had to live. 

The fish were fine for the first two days, but soon they had to be moved to coolers. So now the coolers that could have contained human food were now full of my dad's fish. Of course the fish had to live, but the humans didn't matter. When my two cats decided it was safe enough to come out, they were quite happy to find coolers full of fish (aka: food) on the floor. The fish needed light, so the coolers had to stay open, which meant we had to constantly keep the cats away from the precious fish.

For several days we were without power, so my mother, sister and I stayed together in my room. It was hot. My room had the only window that faced into the wind, so it was the coolest place in the house. My dad was too good to sleep on the floor with his family because he needed the largest bed.  

Eventually, the neighbors had power, and they shared their gas powered generator with us. You might think the power could be used for us humans, but you would be wrong. Those godforsaken fish had to live. 

Here is a list of stuff plugged into the gas generator:

  • The aerator for the fish
  • A set of fans, left running day and night, to cool the room where my dad slept alone
  • A power surge protector so my dad could hook up his computer
  • An antenna tv so my dad could watch the “news,” but really ended up with him watching his daily shows

We didn’t have space in the house for food. There was still no power for the rest of the house. We had read every book we could. We had to steal a fan out of Dad's room so his wife and children could cool off.

The fact that the power was out wasn’t that bad. We had books to read, my mom would tell us stories about her childhood and when we were little. It was nice for my mother, my sister, and I to be surviving the hurricane as a family.

My dad was quite pleased with his fish and electronics, with no regard for his family. Only one of the fish died. He put it in with our small food supply. Instead of getting extra food for us, he replaced his dead fish with an even more expensive fish.

0 Comments
A note about commenting: It only takes moments to comment but makes a world of difference to an author to know they are not alone: They're with the Band! Please share your support here!

DOH Monday: Mollie The Lion

The profile setting glitch has been fixed, and you should be able to log in and register again! If you are still having problems logging in, please email:
bandbacktogether@gmail.com

 

So, this week, my dose of happy made me laugh and smile, but I'm pretty sure my dog was pissed off at me.

I made a lion's mane for her to wear for Halloween. Halloween is also when we celebrate her birthday.

She didn't give a shit about the lion costume, she didn't give a shit about the trick-or-treaters. She just wanted her presents. But she sure did make a cute lion, even if she was royally pissed when I took the pic.

Isn't it precious?

0 Comments
A note about commenting: It only takes moments to comment but makes a world of difference to an author to know they are not alone: They're with the Band! Please share your support here!

When Motherhood Comes To A Screeching Halt

The profile setting glitch has been fixed, and you should be able to log in and register again! If you are still having problems logging in, please email:
bandbacktogether@gmail.com

 

All parents have struggles. WE have all been there ...the screaming child in the store, the holding of the breath, or pitching themselves backwards onto the floor, while kicking and screaming. But there are those good moments too. The first time the smile, take a step, say "Mama." I remember the first day of school clearly for all three of my kids. I always tried realy hard to make mental notes of special events, so I wouldn't forget them. 

I had my first child, my son, at 17. I tried my best to be a good mom, and despite my age, I think I did well. I worked, went to school, and supported him all on my own. I lived with my parents until I turned 18, but they told me I had to do everything else on my own. It was my choice, and now it was my responsibility. 

I moved out about four days after my 18th birthday. I had recently found out I was pregnant, again. My son's father died before he was born, and the guy I was dating now wanted me to move to Idaho with him, before our daughter was born. So I packed up my son, and off we went. 

I had my daughter in May. Two and half years later, her little sister joined us as well. By then, I was married to the girls' dad, and we were a little family. Not always a very happy one, but then too, I tried to do the best with what I had. 

When my youngest was four months old, we moved back to Oregon because my dad had just passed away from cancer. After a few years, the marriage fell apart, as most young marriages do. I moved back to the area where I grew up, and started over. I had met a new guy, and we were looking forward to meeting in person (we lived several time zones apart), and getting to know one another. 

After that time, my life seemed rather normal and happy. Until last April, that is. Out of the blue, without a word of warning, without even trying to talk to me, my youngest daughter - with whom I had a very close relationship with, wrote me the meanest, nastiest letter anyone has ever penned. The things she said broke my heart. She refused to come home after her dad's visit, and has not spoken to me since then. That was eight months ago. My older daughter followed suit, and decided she wanted in on this cruel game, so she found a reason to be mad too. I am still unclear about their reasons. I have no idea what I did that was so bad that they would alienate me, disown me, and want to be estranged from their own mother. I could never do anything so cruel to someone I loved. NEVER. 

She basically said I was fat, lazy, depressed, unemployed, using her as a maid, trying to keep her from having friends because I had none, bullying, that she was afraid of me, and that she basically hated me. I took it so hard that I was going to kill myself. Had it not been for my husband, I probably would have. 

I never did any of the things she said. Yes I am over-weight, but I have been since my first marriage. That is largely due to problems with the marriage because I ate my problems. I can admit that now. But at the time this happened I was working with my doctor on a weight loss plan, since then I have lost 42 lbs. I did it without her, and not because of her either. I did it because I wanted to.

Yes, I was depressed, but I had some stuff I was working through. I was even in therapy for it. So ...why was she mad? Because I was getting help? As far as the claim that I treated her like a maid, all kids do chores. Hers were to unload the dishwasher once daily and change the cat box weekly. WOW, thats... so much work! I'M SO EVIL!

As for the unemployment issue, my first car got repossessed because we had financial issiues, which we fixed later. The motor basically crapped out on my next car. My husband totaled his truck two weeks after my daughters little stunt. We were without a car for nearly two weeks. We finally got a new one, but my husband works 50 miles from home, so he takes it. I have no car to go to work, and we live in a real rural area. He makes enough for us to live off of for now. Eventually, after we sell our home, I plan to work again, but we need to be in an area where I can walk to work so I can save up to get a car. 

I think her reasons are juvenile and stupid. She threw away her mom over something dumb. I think she has more selfish motives and has not told anyone what they really are. I think she ruined a good thing with someone who truly loved her over nothing. I used to go without so my kids could have things. I would spend money we didn't have on them. I would take them everywhere, and we tried to spend time as a family together. I ALWAYS told my kids they could have friends over, or go over to friends homes, but she chose not to. I think she was just lazy and chose to blame me for it. I loved to hang out with my daughters and spend time with them. I asked people if they thought what she wrote was true. Everyone who knows me told me that they thought we were close and had a good relationship. They never expected her to treat me that way. I still don't know what I did. 

I still don't really speak to my daughters. My oldest graduated from high school in June. I almost didn't go because I wasn't sure I was welcome. At the last minute I was invited under the pretense that if I "started shit," I would never be forgiven. I'm pretty sure I didn't start this.... but anyhow, I thought because my older daughter spoke to me that night, things with her might get better. She was going to Europe, and I asked her to share her pictures when she got home. She said she would but I haven't heard from her.

I became really depressed. I stopped going places, stopped speaking to people. I even started pushing away my husband , the one person who had stood by me. I began to feel like eventually everyone would betray me. Why not? My ex had, someone I had been friends for 14 years had, and now my daughter. What was the point? Once again, In August, I was to the point, again, where I wanted to kill myself. 

Now that its November, I'm past being upset. My husbands birthday is on Halloween and after eight months of silence, she actually called. She left a message on his voice mail. I listened to it, then I walked away. Our roommate asked if I was OK, and I said I was fine. I have no more emotions where she is concerned. 

I am not sure that if she came to me today that I would want to rebuild what she destroyed. I think when you burn those bridges, it's hard to go back to what you once had. Once you have been burned by someone, it can never the same. I think the trust is gone. I may someday allow her back into my life, but never again will I feel as close, as involved, or as attentive as I was before. I just don't think I can ever feel the same.

She was once my heart, my whole world. I would have given her anything she needed, even if it meant giving my own life. I would have for all my kids. She was part of my soul. But now, that part of me is dead. I just don't know how the future will pan out. t won't ever be like it use to be.

0 Comments
A note about commenting: It only takes moments to comment but makes a world of difference to an author to know they are not alone: They're with the Band! Please share your support here!

Page 1 of 699 next