Date/Acquaintance Rape

Rape is a trauma that lasts with you a lifetime.

This is her story:

About a year ago, my best friend was really into this older guy, and I didn't want to be around him; he gave me the creeps. But she always said, "Come on! I don't want to go alone," so I'd give in and hang out with them.

She'd always been a horrible friend, but I suppose I didn't care (don't worry, because thanks to my current wonderfully supportive, long- term boyfriend, I've since gotten her out of my life.)

She'd accused me of wanting him, which, for some reason, made me want to prove her right. He suggested, through text, that we have sex. I thought, "Hell, she deserves it," and went with it, even though I knew it was wrong.

He asked to hang out with me alone, and I said "sure," but to make it abundantly clear that I didn't want to have sex, I followed that up with, "I DON'T want to have sex with you."

He replied, "Okay, I don't have sex on Sundays anyway; it's a sin."

I'm so stupid - why would I believe such a bullshit excuse? I don't know, I'm young and naive.

We were watching the movie Saw, just as friends, so I wasn't expecting, or hoping for anything sexual. He was.

He started kissing me. I was semi-unsure of what was going on, so I went with it for a moment. Then, he rolled on top of me and started to unbutton my pants.

I was confused.

I pushed up on his chest and asked as quietly and calmly as I could, "What are you doing?" He ignored me. I must have asked at least five more times getting more and more anxious when he didn't reply.

Things got a little blurry - after he put on a condom, I accepted what was about to happen.

I knew no one else was home and I was afraid to run home and telling my parents because I didn't want to get in trouble. So I just laid there with my arms at my sides; I didn't really know what else I could do.

I thought I was okay. I really did.

I felt guilty and for a while I convinced myself that we'd just had sex. Soon, though, I began to feel ashamed and disgusted. The tears came and I realized, I had been raped, violated, assaulted.

After I realized I'd been raped, I went into a very deep depression.

I managed to keep both the depression and the rape to myself, though I came clean to my friend. I was happy that she believed me, because she's the type who thinks people get what they deserve. Soon, though, she began to use the rape against me in arguments. That hurt. A lot.

I told my dad about the rape.

We talked about the rape and decided together not to report it to the police as my rapist had just been arrested for raping and statutory raping a number of girls, so he was in jail for over twenty years.

I became suicidal and I didn't believe it had anything to do with the rape

I went to the psychiatric hospital for a five day stay. Now that I understand the stages of grief after a rape: depression, regret, anger, and guilt you go through it makes sense.

I'm currently working through the guilt stage following the rape. I know logically that the rape wasn't my fault; that he should have taken no for an answer the first time. But still, I feel I need to go back and change the past; like it was all my fault.

I'm scarred.

I was raped.

But I have a voice and I intend to use it to help myself and anyone else who has been through a rape.

Up to twenty percent of all men will be raped in their lifetime.

This is his story:

Three days ago, I went out with some friends. We ended up at a local bar where I used to work. Working there meant that I got to know the locals - one in particular, a older man named John.

I always thought he was a cool, chill guy who liked talking to me.

I was wrong.

I went over to say hi to him and he bought me a glass of wine. That's where my memory ends: I can't remember anything until I woke up vomiting in his bed. Then... nothing. Then I woke up in a panic, yelling at him to "take me back to the pub."

It's all snippets and blurs from there.

I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I know I was sore the next day.

My friend told me that when she spoke to me that night, I looked as though I was looking through her. I left my car keys, cellphone and wallet at the bar - which is not like me at all.

While my memory is still in pieces, I've managed to put together that he somehow got me to his car, took me to his house, and raped me.

Being a guy, I feel so ashamed, disgusted, not only about him but about myself, too.

I shouldn't have taken that drink from him. Never have I felt so violated by anything. I've gone to the doctor and I've told my parents; soon I'll be seeing a psychologist.

At the end of the day, I feel like no one is safe - no matter what - that we must be careful.

I will get through this trauma, it will not become my life.

Thanks for reading, The Band.

One in five women reported she had been raped or physically or sexually assaulted in her lifetime.

This is her story.

A night of fun with my friends turned into a horrible nightmare when, after blacking because of too much alcohol, I woke up in some guy's room and he was on top of me having his way with my body.

Before I could push him off me I blacked out again. I was not afforded the opportunity to consent to it. I know myself, and I know that I do not go around sleeping with strangers. I don't even know how I got to his room. When I woke up my underwear and shoe were missing. When I asked him how I got to his room he never gave me a solid story.

I was confused and disgusted with myself but I hated him for taking advantage of a girl that could not make a solid decision due to her drunken state. Like a predator, he saw something to prey on, and to my disadvantage I was that prey. How I wish he had just left me there in my drunken state. Maybe at least I would have been the drunk girl who passed out instead of the drunk girl that was raped.

My life was upside down afterwards. Everything I knew about myself changed.

I lost control of my life.

Sexual abuse is devastating, even more so when the abuser is a friend.

This is her story.

Age 13. Should be a time with no worries, right? Wrong. That was the year I was sexually assaulted and violated by my best friend.

One day she forced me to look at porn with her. When I looked away she made me. Another day when we were hanging out she tried making me remove my pants, but I said no. Not long after, she forced me to take off my shirt and felt me up even when I was practically almost crying. After I put my shirt back on she tried kissing my neck to give me a hickey but I shoved her off me.

Just before I left, she gave me a hug while grabbing my ass.

My mom asked me about a year and a half later why this girl and I weren't friends anymore. I broke down and told her. She was extremely supportive and I thought the pain was finally over. Wrong again.

I'm 22 now. I had forgotten about it for years until a close friend of mine sent me an episode on YouTube of an Oprah show talking about same sex rape and incest, not knowing what happened to me. My past immediately came flooding back to me and it keeps haunting me. It won't stop and I feel like there's nothing I can do. I don't want to date, get boyfriends or even have sex ever again after this suddenly came back.

I just want to make it stop.

Here at The Band, we believe in kicking stigmas to the curb, flinging glitter, and shining a light into the dark. And now?

Your bandmate needs a sounding board.

It's time to Ask The Band!

My name is Eddie and I'm a rape victim.

I have been having a hard time sorting things out in my head. I guess the hardest thing I am dealing with is being able to trust a friend again. Mainly because the only true friend I had is now the reason I've stumbled across this site.

How do I learn to trust again, The Band?