Your Pregnancy: Weekly

Secondary Infertility is a grief that knows no bounds.

This is her story:

We started trying to get pregnant after a pregnancy scare.

My now-husband and I were newly engaged, my period was late, we were both convinced I was pregnant. Finally, I took a pregnancy test and discovered I wasn't pregnant. We were both disappointed, and decided to start actively trying to get pregnant. Our wedding was a year away, so we figured if we got pregnant within the next two months, the dates would work out.

It didn't happen

Three months before our wedding, we started trying to get pregnant again. A year later (ironically the month we'd stopped trying as I'd just started a new job), I finally got a positive pregnancy test.

I spent the first half of my pregnancy nauseous and vomiting. By the time I'd started to feel better, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and spent the remainder of my pregnancy on bedrest. It didn't help that my OB was an idiot, however, my daughter was born at 38 weeks via c-section - we are both very lucky to be alive.

When she was four months old, I started to develop extremely familiar symptoms. I took a dozen pregnancy tests, all of which said I was pregnant. I hadn't even had my period yet - I was breastfeeding. My husband and I were absolutely shocked as it'd taken so long to get pregnant with our first.

My second pregnancy was much easier until week 30 when I, once again, developed pre-eclampsia Thankfully, I had an amazing doctor and while we were preparing for a very premature baby, I was placed on hospital bedrest and given medications to manage the preeclampsia. I was then able to go home (no bedrest). 

My second daughter was born at 37 weeks via repeat C-section. 

That was five years ago next month. 

We've been trying to get pregnant for the last four years.  I'd taken two rounds of the birth control shot after my second daughter was born. When I stopped the shot, my always normal and dependable cycle went crazy. 

Sometimes it would be 28 days long, others 32 days. Once, I had a 40-day cycle. Every once in awhile, I'd miss a period altogether. My periods themselves have been fairly normal but that's the only normal thing about my cycle now.

Two months ago, after more negative pregnancy tests than I care to count - that's what happens when you never know when to expect your period - my husband and I decided to go see my gynecologist.

She sent him for a sperm analysis while I underwent blood tests and an ultrasound. 

We'll be seeing her soon to find out the result of the tests, and likely begin to take Clomid to help induce ovulation. We can try two or three cycles with Clomid before she sends us into the city to a fertility specialist. 

Today is day 34 of my cycle; two days past my longest average cycle. As usual, I was certain I was pregnant. 

I tested today.

It was negative.

Again. 

I don't know how much more heartbreak I can take.

We badly want another baby, it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen. I know that with treatment, we'll have a better shot at getting pregnant, that next month I could become pregnant, but today, I'm scared I won't have another baby. 

My husband's work benefits will cover up to $15,000 in fertility drugs but no procedures, so if we want to get really aggressive, we foot the bill. We're not willing to spend thousands of dollars to maybe get pregnant. We have two kids to support, our futures to plan, so that isn't going to happen. 

Nobody knows we've been trying to conceive.

We keep hearing "When are you going to have another?" or "Are you going to try for a boy?" It's knife to the heart every. single. time.  We usually shrug it off and say "We'll see." 

My mom has made it clear that due to my pregnancy complications, she doesn't think we should have another baby (even though it was only poor medical management of my first pregnancy that put us in danger). Knowing she's against this adds more stress - we don't want to hear her say that we shouldn't be trying, or that it's a sign I shouldn't get pregnant. 

I know we already have two kids and I am so thankful, so blessed to have them, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that we can't seem to add another child into our family. I want a big family; I want my kids to have lots of siblings to lean on, to grow up with, to support each other when my husband and I are gone. 

This all feels so unfair.

Prenatal and postnatal complications are not as rare as we'd like to believe, even in the United States. This month, Band Back Together is bringing this to light in our spotlight series.

We invite you to share your stories of any type of complication before or after the birth of your child. Whether it's preeclampsia, a cord trauma or an infection like Group B Strep, we want your stories.

Have you experienced complications during pregnancy or immediately after?

My daughter is a tiny woman, but pregnancy agreed with her. She looked, and felt, wonderful - the hormones seemed to right all the wrongs caused by the mental illnesses she inherited from every single member of her family tree.

She had a difficult labor which could have been greatly improved by the hospital, nurse, and OB/GYN. In the end, she had to have a cesarean section.

After delivery, the hospital told her she'd had both a vaginal and cesarean delivery since the baby had been in the birth canal so long. The poor baby looked horrible after that ordeal; they took her picture a couple days later when her face had recovered from the trauma.

My daughter had lost so much blood that she was grey. On the day of discharge, she had a fever; they gave her acetaminophen and sent her home. She called the doctor's office three times with concerns about bleeding and worsening pain.

They told her it was a normal part of recovery from the c-section.

At the baby's first doctor visit the following week, the pediatrician told her to go to the hospital immediately.

My daughter's uterus had ruptured - not along the incision, which happens sometimes, but vertically. She was full of infection - her uterus was shredded. Because she was so young and had just given birth to her first baby, they repaired the uterus. She was in the hospital for ten days with a team of doctors overseeing her care: a surgeon, an OB/GYN, an infectious disease specialist, and a hospitalist.

She couldn't walk, but she wanted to nurse the baby. Someone had to stay around-the-clock to take care of the baby as the baby wasn't a patient. My daughter had drains on either side of her incision and a PICC line for the high-dose antibiotics. She was discharged with two more weeks of antibiotics.

Her husband left for National Guard training and I stayed with her most of the summer. Months and months of pain, doctors appointments, pain medications, plus taking care of a newborn - it was a difficult time.

She could have sued, but waited too long.

The good news was that the baby was fine; she nursed through this whole ordeal. The bad news was that my daughter had one parent with bipolar disorder and the other with borderline personality disorder along with addiction issues. She, herself, had abused drugs in the past. After all she'd been through, my daughter ended up addicted to painkillers, which then led to other drugs.

Her husband was stationed in Egypt for a year. She had an affair and became a heroin addict. Her marriage survived. They are now living with her dad.

For about a year, I would not talk to her because of the affair and her behavior. We've established boundaries and now have contact. I get to spend time with my granddaughter, who is now five years old and seems well-adjusted and happy. I don't see any signs of mental illness or abuse and am so thankful.

Currently my daughter is waiting to find out why she hasn't had a period in a year - she's full of endometriosis and cancer has been mentioned. Again, there is a family history.

Fortunately, all those women had hysterectomies and survived.