My family now knows that I am pregnant.
Six weeks ago, my dad went with me to my first obstetrician appointment and we learned that I was 28 weeks pregnant.
Life has calmed down since. We are both adjusting, getting excited about having this baby in our lives. It took me a few weeks, but I know that no matter how this little girl came into my life, she is a gift.
I'm so excited for her to come. I can't wait to try to be as great a mum as mine was.
I'm not terrified that I will be a horrible mum (though I have the normal fears of how we will make it and what her life will be like without the father) but I'm scared I'll lose her. She's such a blessing to me already, I'm so scared that something might go wrong. She's healthy, but I can't kill this fear. What if something happens before she's born? What if something goes wrong during labor? What if she dies before I hold her? What if I die from bleeding (like a friend of my mum's did)? What if I wake up to find her dead after I bring her home? I don't know if I can handle losing her.
I wish someone would tell me everything will be okay. Mostly, I wish my mum was still here to help me not be do scared. I love my daughter so much already, I can't wait for the day I can hold her.
I just hope that nothing happens before I can.7 Comments