Resolutions really are just false promises, well in my book anyway. I will be the first to admit that I am one who is a rule follower, also that some rules are made to be broken. So in my public admission that I am a contradiction of sorts I also say that resolutions are a waste of energy.
Instead I will reflect on my life lessons:
Short hair looks absolutely preposterous on me and looks even worse the color of maroon. What a Jackwagon I was with that color palette.
People disappoint us without even trying sometimes, that is a fact of life. It is what you learn from that experience that will make you a better person... that, and also teach you to use the word "fuck" a lot.
I have the feet of Fred Flintstone, but my balance is PERFECT because if it and I will ninja kick your ass if you say "Yaba-daba-doo."
I am a pleaser, I love to make anything possible for whoever I can. I also know that although this is my motive, it is not necessarily that of the person I am doing something for. I have learned over the years that I have a threshold of inner tolerance for this and know when to cut my losses. I do this by still being a friend, only I take the personal piece out of it. In other words favors are no longer an option. Otherwise, I will end up driving my ass straight to the nut house because I always find I am the reason for the failure. (And in tolerance, I mean "Fuck you, emotion sucking whorebag, carry your own baggage.")
I think there should be a national roller derby association for angry housewives like me, I can always use new friends. (Not to mention this would really help if the above mentioned personality trait gets a glitch.)
I have become the person I am in spite of where I came from and because I made the choice to be awesomer.
I don't believe that anybody is perfect and that we all make mistakes. However, if two people truly love each other they will talk through the mistakes and the pain. Otherwise you end up looking like an asshole...don't be an asshole.
Family is what makes you who you are, and sometimes keeps you from becoming who you want to be. On your own accord, decide if you are going to be the problem or be the difference. It is your choice, don't complain if it does not make you happy, and don't cry that you are a victim. Make the change or shut the hell up.
My children are the extension of the love I have for the fat bastard I married. I know that at times he can be the greatest thing ever. Other times I am reminded just as I hit the bottom of the bottle, that he's not. Either option it is always that same, I love the that assbag and he makes me happier than a horny hooker working a Two-for-Tuesday Special. As I said, family will disappoint and hurt, but these are the moments when you HAVE to reflect on the good times to get you through the bullshit.
I have no shame in always expecting someone to be a decent human being. If they are not, I don't waste time to understand why. I just remind myself that Jesus loves them so it's okay call them an asshole. (Remember: baggage.)
I hope the twenty pounds I lost does not find the new mailing address to my ass.
I have been more successful in becoming my own person and finding people who genuinely care about themselves, their families, and their friendships that my distorted belief that the world is full of asswipes is slowly deteriorating.
I have been lucky enough to have married one of the most decent guys on the planet. I have never been more comfortable with any living human being more than I am with him. We fight with as much passion as we love each other. The respect and admiration we have for each other is beyond belief. I am always moved by his acts of kindness to others that I actually stop and look up to the sweet Lord and say, "You do make mistakes, friend because I do not deserve this man, and I am never letting him go."
My sister is my hero in so many ways, that one day wouldn't allow enough time to actually tell her what a bad mother fucker she is.
I have learned that a really shitty day still can not out-trump a shitty glass of vodka.
Doing something for someone just for the sake of doing it really does make your load lighter.
I am content with being perfectly imperfect because I never take myself seriously. I will leave the house without brushing my teeth, hell, sometimes without underwear on. I will have bad hair days, get in fights with my husband, want to kill my kids, get drunk, curse, be insecure and most of the time have no fashion sense. Yet in the end, all these things are what complete me, and I will remain unchanged.
Next year, I walk knowing I am worth loving. My friendship is worth having. I do have something to say. I do laugh at myself, and dammit I am worth that top shelf of vodka.
I would like to give some credits to some folks;
Hauss - you are a man worth marrying all over again.
Sissy - your strength and tolerance are stoic.
Stef - you are a pillar of strength.
Nooner - you fill my heart with so much gratitude.
Ula - you are a pint-sized dynamo that has the confidence of a 50-foot beast.
Jildo - you were my soul when I did not think I had one.
Lisa - a true gift from god we could not be closer if we were twins.
The Andrews - to say a pure blessing would not be enough. I love each and every one of you more than my words could ever pronounce. The fact that you all saw the person deep within the fuckup is an act of superhuman abilities and I think you all should be tested.
Know this, I would do all the bullshit over and over again because having "Us" at the end was worth it.2 Comments