I've been bullied by my mother for my whole life. Now? I live with her.
It took me a long time to get my affairs in order, a long time to realize my limitations, to start being an adult. I was always broke, moved around, always feeling things weren't my fault and that nobody would help me.
Then, I realized that no one would ever help me, not if I wouldn't help myself.
So I changed.
I got my life together. I got a good job, settled down, stopped being wild and started thinking about my future.
I began to do everything that my mother couldn't do for herself. She's nearly sixty and still can't keep her bank account in the black. She's filed bankruptcy a few times, is still in massive amounts of debt, and blows her weekly paycheck within a day.
This wouldn't bother me or be any of my business if it didn't directly affect me.
See, it's like this.
She pawned the title of her vehicle to pay her federal tax debt and purchase a $1500 dog. She has another expensive dog that lives in a crate. She hardly ever pays any attention to the poor dog.
Now she owns another expensive dog. She bought the new dog with the expectation that it'd be a Family Dog that we'd all help to care for it. The thing is, we'd all told her we didn't want another. I have two kids and one more on the way.
My significant other works long hours and isn't home often enough to take responsibility for the dog. We're already stretched beyond our means and she wants to add to the burden without our permission?
That poor dog now sits in his own crate most of the day, next to the first dog. Of course, her taxes were never paid.
Then the swing set.
My mother has this habit of buying things for my children, spending every dime of her paycheck - until she's crying over her checkbook: she doesn't have money for bills. She doesn't have gas money for her car.
Then she'll turn to my family, insisting that we owe her money. She starts pointing out all the things she's bought us. She starts threatening to take away our things if we don't give her money. We've addressed this with her in the past, and this week it's happening again.
Over a swing set.
She pointed at the ads, gloating that she was going to get it for my boys since I couldn't afford it myself.
Newsflash: We haven't purchased a swing set because we can't afford a swing set! Unlike her, we pay our bills first, put money away for the unexpected expenses, and we do without what we can't afford. That swing set doesn't entitle her to money out of my bank account. If she wants her money back, she can get a damn refund!
It isn't simply that her fiscal irresponsibility is affecting my finances - now she's threatening the home my family lives in. It's always been her fallback move.
Anytime I didn't do as she wanted, even when I was a child, she told me to get out. When I was a child, she took my house key, locked me outside and wouldn't let me back in. I stayed with a friend until she called the police and reported me as a runaway. Because of that move, I was sent to live with my dad.
As an adult, when we both fell on hard times, we thought moving in together - a shared lease - would be a great idea. I was so wrong.
She got angry with me, broke the lease, and threatened to put all of my stuff in a yard sale if I didn't get it out right away. I received a housing collection of over $3000 on my credit thanks to her stunt.
I thought that maybe now, seeing as how we are both on the deed of a house that's paid for, it wouldn't be a problem.
Tonight however, I got threats of a lawyer and "We'll just see about that," all because I wouldn't give her $20 for gas. I don't have any money. My pregnancy is high-risk and I'm on bed rest and short-term disability now. That means 65% of my normal pay before my health benefits and taxes are deducted.
I don't know what to do.
If I leave, it'll be a major burden on my family of five. I can't kick her out, not that I would want to stoop to her level, because she's also on the title of the house. I can't sell the house without her permission, and I don't think she'd give me that.
For now, I'm stuck living with a bully.8 Comments