Here at The Band, we believe in kicking stigmas to the curb, flinging glitter, and shining a light into the dark. And now? Your bandmate needs a sounding board.
It's time to Ask The Band!
I'm tempted to orchestrate a wildly elaborate, romantic gesture for my wife of over twelve years. One with the sort of plot that will require a significant investment of time, money, and the partnership of several friends and family.
But I'm afraid.
Things have not been great for...a while really.
She inherited an addictive personality, which has exhibited itself in alcoholism and a tendency toward workaholism.
This has often left me feeling neglected on a number of levels.
I don't want a grand gesture to be interpreted as anything other than an expression of the love I still feel for her - because I do love her.
I often feel hurt and lonely, but I can't imagine life without her. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I can imagine life without her, but it's never an improvement.
So, if this grand gesture isn't an effort to "win her back," what's driving it?
For a decade, she has expressed an interest in renewing our vows. For various reasons, our church ceremony was disappointing and, perhaps, a little hurtful to her.
We are now part of a church that we agree on and have pastors to whom we feel close.
I also feel that I've been getting little hints from the aether: locations that seem perfect for a renewal ceremony, party, or both; articles and videos that I find inspirational for theme or approach; other people doing things in non-traditional ways that somehow sound right to me.
Maybe it's the coffee this morning, but sharing these thoughts with you gives me a bit of a thrill. My heart is racing. In a good way.
My current idea - and believe me, this is still in the brainstorming phase:
We have a theme (to be called "Theme X" from here forward). I want to recruit my artistic friends and family to help design the event from the ground up to suit "Theme X." Bridal party garb, locations, decor - the whole works.
I think I want to make it as stress-free for her as possible. Not a full-fledged surprise, as she doesn't like surprises. Perhaps a "I've planned an event - keep the date free, I will provide clothing, and everything" type of thing.
I definitely want to incorporate our existing church community, both because it is a community that we've chosen together and because we sincerely like the pastoral staff.
Community involvement is important to me. She sometimes feels that she does not have many friends.
I want this to remind her just how many people love her - and us.
I have done minor surprises in the past, recruiting friends to come into town or planning little trips out of town for her. She is usually hesitant but has always had fun.
I don't know though. It feels like a lot of work, and I don't want it to be perceived as trying to "fix things" or to "pressure her."
I don't mind the work, but rejection of the effort could be devastating.
So I ask you, The Band: Is this a wildly romantic gesture, or is it an over-the-top disaster waiting to happen?
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