So many of us struggle with infertility,yet we do so in the shadows.
The unspoken struggles of eerily white negative pregnancy tests. The heartbreak of another month gone; our wombs longing for children.
Something so natural, something so normal,
something we cannot do. It divides us from the rest of the world.
This month, The Band, we're inviting all of you who have struggled with infertility and miscarriage to bring your stories to the light.It's time to shine the spotlight on infertility and destroy the shadows we live in.
I hate that word; I hate that label.
But it's true. We can't get pregnant on our own. My husband and I are infertile. It doesn't matter which of us has a fertility issue. We are a couple and a team; therefore, we are BOTH infertile.
We were recently told by the third doctor that we would need to do IVF to conceive a child. My husband is finally 110% on board with IVF. He's even a little excited. We both are. I never in my life thought we'd be excited about trying getting pregnant in a doctor's office, but here we are.
At 25, shouldn't this be a whole lot easier? The first two reproductive endocrinologists that I met with left me feeling very cold. They were little better than car salesmen, but the car in question was my potential child. At least that is how it felt.
It made me sick. I was angry that I was going to have to "buy" a baby. I've had to get over that.
Now, my husband and I say, "We don't know how we are going to do this. We just know that we HAVE to." I've had many people ask why we don't "just adopt." They don't get that adoption isn't quite that easy. It is very expensive and can take a very long time.
I resent the idea that it is more responsible for an infertile couple to adopt, rather than pursue medical help.
Why don't more fertile couples adopt, if it's so important? It's natural for me to want to give my husband a biological child. I don't think that I should be denied that desire because of a medical condition.
Other people have told me that IVF is a sin. They seem think that those of us that do IVF just go around destroying embryos all the time. It doesn't work like that. None of us WANT an embryo to not be viable. If an embryo stops growing, it can't create a pregnancy.
Those embryos are discarded, but how is that murder? It's really no different from a very early pregnancy loss. The only difference is that it happens outside of the body. Will I be sad if some of my embryos don't continue to grow? Absolutely.
That misconception bothers me the most, because I value life at a level that many will never understand. I know in great detail just how much of a miracle every successful pregnancy is. Most people have no clue how many things have to line up just right for a healthy baby to be born.
I do.
To the child that I know is out there for us: know that you are loved, and wanted so deeply that it hurts. We will treasure you, and marvel over what a miracle you are every day of your life.
Please, come to us soon.
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