Nearly 10% of the US population struggles with depression.
This is her Darkness:
There's a Darkness that lies within so many of us.
Some of us allow our Darkness to show - we're categorized as "bad" or "unstable."
Some of us deny the darkness exists - we're categorized as "normal."
Most of us sit firmly in the middle.
There are days, most days, in which our Darkness is hidden. Maybe it's just under the surface, maybe it's buried deep within us, our Darkness is invisible to the naked eye.
Then it happens.
Whether it's a slow air leak or the sudden burst of a balloon, the Darkness escapes our hold.
It is this Darkness that tells us no one cares, no one wants to hear our woes, no one will miss us.
And it is this Darkness who lies, whose lies win more often than not.
I've faced the lies of my Darkness more times than I can count. Once, I walked to the edge and teetered. I took too many pills praying I'd simply stomp out the voices of my Darkness and sleep.
That's what most people don't understand about suicide or feeling suicidal. It's not (mostly) that we want to die. It's that we don't want to hear the negativity echo through our minds. We crave peace, quiet and - for the love of all that's holy - a little rest.
We're weary of fighting, exhausted by the effort it takes to keep our Darkness at bay. And when the lies offer us the tempting candy of quiet, peace, rest...
Well, sometimes it's just too good to pass up.
I've shared my brother Tyler's story with you, The Band. He was weary of the voices, tired of fighting, he gave in to the temptation.
I've now seen both sides of that particular path - while both have pain, my outlook has been irrevocably changed. I can never again take that tempting piece of candy, for I have seen; experienced what suicide leaves behind.
I have to believe that knowing that pain suicide leaves behind would haunt my soul for eternity, the peace the Darkness promises another lie, a myth.
Today, July 10, marks four years since we've laid my brother Tyler, to rest after he chose suicide. Each day that I struggle to keep my Darkness at bay, I remember how my mother cried. How my sisters held my son as he wept out his sadness and confusion.
And I take a deep breath, pull on my big girl panties and push that Darkness back once more.
Depression is a lying liar who lies. Depression is this particular Darkness.
And it LIES.8 Comments