Traumatic injuries can cause mental stress that can make it hard to heal physically and emotionally.

This is her story.

 

I feel useless. Worthless.

On January 30th, I hydroplaned off a country road and into a tree at nearly 50mph. I'm a damn good driver, but when your brakes are so coated with water they refuse to work at all, there's just not much you can do but pray and say oh shit when you realize you won't miss that thing hurtling toward you at high speed.

I was very lucky.

I got out of it with only two broken bones and a crapton of bruises. Unfortunately, one of those broken bones was my tibia. I had my foot so hard on the brake when I hit that I managed to break the very bottom of my tibia vertically.

Imagine pulling apart string cheese but stopping just short of the middle, and that's basically my bone. Split right up the middle from where my ankle joint is almost halfway up. Originally, they thought I'd need surgery. I avoided that, thank god. Lucky again. So why do I feel so bad?

Because I've become a burden.

No, the accident wasn't my fault, no I didn't ask for it. But the results are the same. My poor girlfriend is left to care not only for me, but our three young girls, one dog, three cats, three bedroom home, and all the shit that comes along with all of those things. Sometimes literal shit.

I cannot walk.

I cannot put our children to bed.

I cannot do most of the daily/weekly household cleaning.

She is left with all of it.

I watch her struggle knowing I cannot help, and knowing that 95% of what she does cannot be put off or ignored entirely. It has to be done, so she has to do it. I've priced out hiring a maid service to help her while I'm down and out -- our budget just can't stretch that far.

Doing so much for such a prolonged time is killing her body. She goes to bed in more pain each night. I can't even hold her while she cries at being overwhelmed, because between my ribs being so severely bruised and aching and having a club of a cast attached to me, it's just plain impossible to find a position that won't hurt one of us. She goes to sleep at night and I cry. If I cry when she can see me I only add to her stress.

I feel useless.

I'm a burden.

And I can't fix it.

by 12gViolet; Published on March 13, 2013
Filed under: Heartbreak,  Things That Suck,  Relationships,  Caregiver,  Health and Wellness,  It's Complicated,  Feelings,  Guilt,  Sadness,  Stress
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