I've been the black sheep in my family for quite a while.

The heathen. The back-slider. The sinner. The "confused" one.

I don't like being on the outside, but I just can't get into the God/church thing. I don't see this love and acceptance they claim to be preaching/hearing about.

I've seen hate, selfishness, hypocrisy and an overabundance of pride.

Don't get me wrong, I have a metric ton of that in my own life. I just don't feel the need to whitewash it with words like "righteousness" or "holiness".

The part that makes me sad is that this has cost me a relationship with most of my sisters.

I'm so tired of biting my tongue, and having one sister in particular act like she's better than the rest of us. She's going to be a missionary in a foreign country. In a very third-world country, with all the dangers and risks that implies. And she and her husband are going to take their three small children under the age of five to this country.

And I'm expected to support her in this decision. And be happy for them. And so on and so forth.

But, I'm not. I think it's stupid and selfish to drag your kids into a minefield of situation when you don't HAVE to. I really do.

I haven't told her that. Because 1) she didn't ask my opinion and 2) I know it would be dismissed as my not being "with the Spirit" or whatever.

The whole situation just makes me want to throw my hands up and go "Baaa! Forget it!"

by thepsychobabble; Published on March 04, 2011
Filed under: Family,  Relationships
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