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Why?

Why does my father brag that it only took a few tries to knock up my mom with me, when, according to my mom, I was a planned (on her part alone) accident?

Which lie would hurt less?

The lie that my father didn’t want me because he knew he couldn’t be around as much as he wanted, but my mom got pregnant anyway?

Or…

The lie that my mom manipulated my father into getting pregnant, when they’d actually tried for me?

If I can’t know how I got here, what luck am I supposed to have knowing why I want to stay here?