I’ll start this off with the fact that I hate money.
I know. Everyone says that. Everyone, especially now, is having a fuck of a time. Bills have to be paid. Kids need diapers and food. Cars don’t run without gas. My problems, in no way, take more precedence than any other family trying to keep everything together. We’re all trying not to sink under this never-ending weight of feeling like you’re working your ass off, day after day, never seeing the people you’re doing it for, and for what?
The red envelopes still show up in the mail.
The phone still rings for an answer and your routing number.
The library remains the last outing that’s affordable. Though at this point, it resembles more closely a broken down sales-outlet that barely captures the images of the place I felt was a second home.
I’m not writing this for sympathy or as a plea for help. I’m writing this because more than once, shit, more than i can count, I have felt utterly alone in this flailing to keep everything okay. Keep everything normal. And I know there have to be others out there that feel the same way. Regardless of whether they talk about it or not.
So, I’m throwing this out there. Feel free to comment and commiserate and bitch. Or, just read this and know that you’re not alone. There are others trying, pushing, shoving. And we’re all going to get out of this at some point. There may be some scars, but seriously, wear those motherfuckers with pride. This is warfare and you got out alive.
Besides, everyone knows war wounds are way cooler than tribal tattoos. *They can also get you free beer.
*Free beer not guaranteed.
am so with you on this one. You are not alone. Know that.
Thank you. I really wish more people would talk about it.
After my son’s accident we were slammed with medical bills that just could not be paid. Would not. Most went into collections and we made minimal payments every month (on most) while the phone just kept ringing. It seemed like an impossible hole.
And, there is still one bill (the aircare that was not covered by insurance) that reamins unpaid. We just recently paid off enough bills to start making payments on it…
There are days when I feel like we are drowning. Days that I feel like running away, changing my name and never looking back. I just hold on to the hope that one day, not too terribly far away, we won’t have to deal with all this bullshit.
You are NOT alone.
So glad you posted this. Having just recently emerged from almost 2 full dark years of foreclosure threats, unending phone calls, a miserable, unemployed husband and relying on my mother in law to help keep food on the table and clothes on my kids, I feel your pain.
This whole recession/double recession/bullshit makes me so mad! I have had a very difficult time reconciling our situation. I thought we did everything right. Did we follow the perfect road? Of course not, but we worked hard, got advanced degrees, built our careers from the ground up, saved some money and were finally feeling like we were where we should be in our early 30′s. Then the bottom fell out. HARD.
I am proud of us. We are now both working – although at significant paycuts and long commutes – but its two paychecks just the same. It wasn’t easy by any means and we have a long road ahead. I see this same thing happening all around me and I have no help to offer.
I keep telling myself that something just HAS to change…it HAS to get better…
But HOW????