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Ask The Band: J-J-J-Jaded

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Thursday I’m having lumbar epidural steroid injections in an attempt to decrease the all-encompassing back pain I’ve lived with for 9 years.

Like GOOD any member of Gen Y, I googled the procedures my pain management doctor offers before I saw her for the first time…and the results the internet gave me are less than stellar:

Only a whopping 60% of people see results, there is a possible vast increase in pain for a few days after the injection, I’ll only able to do this for a limited time, blah blah blah.

My doctor is feeding me a different story…along the lines of “two injections and you won’t ever have to see me or anyone else ever again.”

I don’t know how an anti-inflammatory will get rid of the bulging discs the MRI showed, but she didn’t seem concerned.

So, I’m torn, The Band.

Am I just a horrible cynic who’s been through 13 doctors and can’t see the light no matter how bright it is?

I really feel like I’m being sold the back pain version of a miracle weight loss drug. Not that I have a choice; at this point I’ll try anything to keep myself from jumping in front of a train.

Has anyone else had positive results with this?

Do I just need to have a little faith?

Ask The Band: Mental Relapse

It feels like everyone around me is sinking further and further down this whirlpool of insanity. Meanwhile, I’m floating on some shitty piece of driftwood yards away. I’m holding on for dear life, eyes closed, hoping i don’t get sucked back in to that hole. I’m sick of that feeling. it’s almost worse than drowning in the whirlpool itself.

t’s hard to come to grips with the fact that no matter how well I’m doing, I’m probably gonna end up feeling like complete shit again, because that’s just the way my brain cookie crumbles.

Thoughts?

Ask The Band: Dreaming About My Exes

Hi The Band,

I’m not usually one who talks about my dreams with anyone – mostly because they’re excruciatingly challenging to listen to, so I imagine that when I try, my listener is bored to pieces.

So I’ll refrain from the long-and-winding dreams and as you about this:

Why the hell am I all of a sudden dreaming about my exes – and I’m talking OLD SCHOOL exes? I’m dreaming of getting back together with them – it’s all night most nights right now.

Signed,

Sorry For Boring The Piss Out Of You

Ask The Band: Am I Living With An Addict?

I’m not sure where to start. I just know I need to get it out.

I think I’m living with an addict.

They have stolen thousands of dollars (money I was saving for a house down payment). They keep taking money out of our account and not paying it back like promised, thus leaving me to pull from what little savings we had to help us get through winter in order to keep the bills paid.

They are slowly draining me of our money and my soul.

I am obsessing over what they are doing; where they are going. I’m searching the house for stashes.

I found a box of baking soda and a burned spoon.

I found the missing (now empty) money pouch from when my kids were fundraising.

I feel like I’m going crazy.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting tonight. It was my first time. I didn’t share, or even speak.

It hurt so much that everything that was said was so relatable. That they’ve all been through this, felt this way. I didn’t even tell them anything. They told me I wasn’t crazy.

That hit me. Hard.

I think I’m living with an addict. And I don’t know what to do.

Ask The Band: Mad, Angry, Mad Son

My oldest son is truly in a bad bad place.

He’s a very angry child. We sought help from his therapist and psychiatrist, and finally, after weeks and weeks of fighting we got diagnoses.

He was diagnosed with co-morbid bipolar disorder, autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, depression, and anxiety.

It finally felt like we were getting somewhere.

Until…. that deep dark place got worse.  Now we’re fighting every day to keep him out of inpatient hospital stays.

I walk on eggshells when we talk because I don’t know what is going to upset him. I’ve had a continuous migraine for the past five days because just thinking about him makes my own anxiety sky high.

He’s a good kid and has such a good heart  – I just don’t know how to help him.

Does anyone have any ideas?  I am all out of ideas myself and  I’m mentally worn out..

He’s just so angry and mad at the world.

I just want my happy kid back.

Ask The Band: My Abusive Husband Threatening Murder & Suicide

 

I’ve been with my husband for eight years – married for five of them. We have a beautiful four-year old son, three dogs, and a cat. For the most part, we are a happy family.

My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD, borderline personality disorderbipolar disorder and, most recently, major depressive disorder.

He has been treated with different medications for all of those things. The latest diagnosis we are treating is his major depressive disorder…

…but there’s something else there, aside from the depression.

There is rage– an all-consuming rage.

As long as I’ve known my husband, he’s had these episodes.He loses control, and snaps on everyone and everything in his path. He’s broken windows, phones, end tables, lamps – the list is never ending.

When these episodes happen, the man I married isn’t there.

He’s gone, and something else takes over. He’s told me on numerous occasions that he doesn’t remember what occurs during these episodes.

He can remember the episode, but he doesn’t remember his words or actions. He told his psychiatrist that he almost blacks out when he gets to that point in his rage.

She gave him some more medication, and basically said, “See you in a month.”

He feels worthless, and that makes him angry. He isn’t a talker, but when he does talk I can hear the anguish in his voice.

He says nothing happened to make him the way he is. Nothing terrible – nothing worthy of the rage inside him.

He doesn’t want to be this way, he doesn’t want to be anxious and hopeless and angry and sad.

But he doesn’t know how to stop.

It used to happen when he couldn’t find any weed. Then someone would come through with some, he’d smoke it, and the world would right itself.

But more recently, it’s been for no reason I can understand. A month ago, he put a loaded shotgun in his mouth, and he told me, “Good-bye.”

That ended with a police escort to the local hospital.

He spent three days there, changing his medication and talking to someone for ten minutes a day. He attended group sessions, and when he came home, he was ready to be better.

It was a week before he had another episode.

And since then these episodes have been happening every 3-5 days. Some are more serious than others. The last time, he threatened to kill himself.

Unfortunately, that isn’t anything new, except that, this time, he also threatened his mother and I.

We’re going to try therapy, but right now, it feels like he’s a ticking time-bomb, set to go off at any second. From the outside, I know it doesn’t look like he’s trying but he is, he really is.

So this is where I need help, The Band: 

Do I stay, or do I go?

Do I walk away from my husband because he’s sick? Or do I stay, even if it’s to the detriment of my sanity, and my child’s well-being?

I don’t know what to do and I have no support network.

My son’s father was never in the picture, and my mother is a recovering addict – currently incarcerated. My godmother, the woman who raised me, is dead. I have a brother, but he has no job, and no home.

My best friend was witness to the gun incident, and has mostly given up on me. She told me that I’m codependent, and making terrible choices for my child. She thinks I should leave my husband, like she did. But her husband was an alcoholic – mine isn’t.

My in-laws have been terrific. Any time we need somewhere safe, their home is always open. But they are elderly – one of them is in a wheelchair. I feel I can’t burden them with this. I feel I am making them choose between their son, or their grandson and I.

Where can I go? What should I do? Please, The Band, help me. I feel so alone. I’ve prayed to every god I can think of, and I still feel so lost.

There is no handbook for when you marry someone with mental illness.