In the United States, every 107 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted. Four of every five sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. 68% of all sexual assaults go unreported to the proper authorities.
Why? Why do so many sexual assaults go unreported?
Shame. Self blame. Embarrassment. Fear that no one would believe their story. Fear that they may have caused it. Not wanting to be the victim. Wanting to move past the sexual assault. There are a multitude of reasons why sexual assaults go unreported.
Just as there are a number of types of rape (gang rape, date/acquaintance rape, intimate partner rape, statutory rape, sexual assault), there are a multitude of responses to sexual assault. Each of which is completely normal.
This April, The Band Back Together Project is shining a light into the darkness of sexual assault. Please share your story of sexual assault so that we can Light the Darkness.
All are welcome.
I was raped about three and a half years ago. There are still times I think about it, but it doesn’t generally run my life.
Today was a hard day for me, though. I wrote my rapist a letter (obviously not one that he’ll ever see) and realized some things about myself in it, and in doing so, I became very emotionally overwhelmed.
My current boyfriend, who knows about what happened to me, got mad at me for being so upset tonight, even after I told him why I was. I don’t remember his exact words, but he said something along the lines of, “It’s been three years already!” implying that I should already be over it.
Should I be?
Am I just pointlessly obsessing over something that is obviously never going to change?
If so, how do I make it stop?
I don’t like it either, and I’m not choosing to have the memories I have.
Aunt Becky says…
April 15, 2016, 8:26 a.m.
You cannot – I repeat CANNOT stop these memories, emotions, or thoughts. I’m sorry your boyfriend wasn’t understanding when you were going through something. People don’t always understand. Do you have a trusted friend, a social worker who can help you process your feelings? As for me. I still get flashbacks to my rape – not often, though. it’s been 15 years since mine, so in that time, my feelings have subsided. It’s a hard road – rape – and you sound like you’re very strong. I’m sending you love and light and healing.
DavidWendt says…
April 18, 2016, 8:04 a.m.
We don’t choose our memories. And we don’t choose how quickly we heal. However, self-discovery and writing things down tend to help, even if it may not feel like it in the short run. Thank you for sharing. You are awesome.
Mimi says…
April 18, 2016, 11:09 a.m.
Dear fellow traveler on this road to understanding, I am so happy to hear that this event doesn’t run your life! I can safely tell you that I have never met anyone who’d been raped who said to me, “oh, I totally forgot I was raped”! I don’t think that happens for any victim of such a horribly-thieving crime. Unfortunately, you have been left with so much more than others can ever possibly understand. That’s why I think your boyfriend doesn’t understand how this has affected you both physically and mentally. I would like to offer that you and your boyfriend (depending upon how serious your relationship is) seek some professional help to determine how to find a place of understanding for your boyfriend, and more comfort for you. That said, I just don’t think this is something you can “get over”. This is something that you will live with because it happened and it can’t un-happen. You’re right! You are not choosing to have the memory of that day and I’d bet my hat that you if you could, you would can the memories and throw them in the river! Can you change your reaction to it now? Yes! You’re already doing that by not letting it impact your life now. Keep doing that! You are stronger than you think, and you are not alone!
HerHighness says…
April 20, 2016, 11:52 p.m.
You are absolutely NOT at fault for not being “over it” yet. Trauma takes time and usually professional help to heal. Do not listen to people who tell you you have to be done thinking about it. You must do it in your own time.