I really don’t know where to begin, so I’ll start with a question.
When does it stop being a funk and become depression?
This year has been a doozy. My personal maelstrom hasn’t been nearly as bad as so many of you here, but it’s rocked my little world to the core. Up until recently my view on life has been pretty optimistic, but I can feel bitterness and cynicism in everything I say and do now. My job has put me through the ringer, but I don’t see any other options at the moment. I’ve been losing the struggle to be positive when it comes to body image. I feel like shit. I’ve had no energy or motivation. I’ve had no desire to be social and whereas I’ve always been fairly outgoing, I find a new and disturbing anxiety at the thought of approaching anyone new. And, to top it all off, the loss of my grandfather last month knocked whatever little wind I had left in my sails fluttering to the depths of the cold, dark sea.
I keep telling myself that I can’t be depressed. That I’m just being a baby. I’m too strong and too independent for that. That things will get better on their own… Yet, here I sit, the beginnings of tears burning the backs of my eyes and that now familiar lump rising in my throat. I don’t think it’s going to go away. I’m terrified it won’t. I feel helpless and powerless and I haven’t the slightest idea where to start, what to do.
I’m lost.
I hope you are able to get some help dear. Your feelings are all too familiar.
It stops being a funk when you can’t shake it off. I learned that it’s OK to ask for help.
When I first went on antidepressants I had a great doctor who asked me all the right questions.
He asked me if it felt like PMS, but all the time?
I said YES! How did you know??!!
He asked me if I tried to “fake it till you make it”, just acting like everything is OK and eventually you believe it too.
I said YES! How did you know??!!
He asked me if I tried watching a sad movie & crying it out?
I said YES! How did you know??!!
He asked me if I tried getting drunk (lol!)
I said YES! How did you know??!!
Then he told me I had done everything right (everything for me anyways) and we would try medication.
I was so happy to hear that I wasn’t going crazy, and guess what?! It worked!
Talk to your doctor honey, you can get out of the funk with their help. And if they won’t help, talk to another one.
Thank you for the support. I think we (my super awesome supportive husband and me) are finally formulating some kind of game plan. I know I have to do something so we’re looking into our options.
Maybe it’s both? I mean, you do have plenty going on that might affect you, but if your brain chemistry is off on top of that, then that just makes it worse. I hope you and your hubby figure out the best path, and things work out so you feel better.
Hello other me. It’s nice to meet you. Fill in my Daddy for grandfather and you have met me. Except I don’t have a husband…but that’s beside the point.
I’m sorry that you are feeling so lost. I hope that you and your hubby can figure out how to find you again. Thinking about you…
Thank you so much for your kind words.
It’s funny… I think that talking about it has actually helped a lot already. That and knowing that it’s not just me and I’m not going crazy. We’re looking into finding a therapist or something like that.
Again, thank you so much for your support. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂
Depression sucks it all out of you. You can get through this. I believe in you.