Date or Acquaintance Rape Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 18, 2018

For purposes of this article, the terms “sexual assault” and “rape” will be used interchangeably.

What is Date Rape?

Date rape, also known as acquaintance rape, is a sexual assault – or attempted sexual assault – committed by someone the sexual assault victim knows. Date rape, like other types of rape, involves sexual intercourse without mutual consent. Date rape is more appropriately called “acquaintance” rape, as “date” implies that the victim is in a relationship with his or her attacker.

While the term “rape” conjures up images of strangers attacking a random victim, almost 80% of rapes (or 4 out of every 5 rapes) are committed by people that the victim knows. A woman is four times more likely to be raped by someone she knows. Even if the perpetrator of the sexual assault has had previous consensual sexual relations with the victim, it is still illegal to force sex upon another.

Many people who have been raped by people that they know have a difficult time believing that what happened to them was rape. Rather than focusing upon the violation of the rape, he or she may blame him or herself for the rape.

It is important to remember that the act of rape has nothing to do with sex or passion or love – rape is always an act of aggression and violence.

The trauma of acquaintance rape is no less severe than a rape committed by a stranger.

How Common is Date Rape?

It’s unfortunate to note that date or acquaintance rape is far more common than you may think. While many rape victims do not report rape or sexual assaults, victims are even less inclined to report rape by someone that he or she knows.

The scary thing is that nearly 80% (4 out of 5 cases) of rapes are date rape situations. Effectively this means that a woman or man is 4 times more likely to be raped by someone she knows.

Who Commits Acquaintance Rape?

Those who commit acquaintance rape don’t have a particularly recognizable profile, there are some commonalities among those who commit acquaintance rape. These include:

• People who are aggressive in intimate relationships
• People who bend toward violence to solve problems
• People who are overly demanding of their partners.

A date rape perpetrator can be:

• Your partner
• An ex-partner
• A friend
• Someone you work with
• A new acquaintance

Acquaintance Rape Myths Dispelled:

“Men can’t be raped” – Most victims of acquaintance rape are female, but males can also be the victim of a sexual assault.

“He/She was asking for it” – Nobody “asks” to be raped.

“He/She just loves me – that’s how he/she shows it” – Rape is not a crime of love or passion – it is about violence and force.

“The victim had a lot of sexual partners” – It does not matter how many sexual partners a person has had – they still do not deserve to be raped.

“She was dressed provocatively. She was looking for sex” – Wearing a short skirt or skimpy clothing does not mean that someone is “asking for it,” or “deserves it.”

“He/She was wasted” – Being intoxicated by alcohol or other drugs does not imply consent to sexual intercourse.

“He/She bought me dinner!’ – Just because you buy dinner and drinks does not mean that you owe your date sex.

“He can’t control his urges – he’s a guy” – Guys CAN control their sexual urges.

“I didn’t fight back” – Even if you don’t fight back, it’s still rape.

“Only bad people get raped” – Even “nice” girls can be raped.

“Rapists LOOK like rapists” – Rapists are not generally scary looking people – they’re people from ordinary backgrounds of all ages.

“My attacker didn’t use a weapon, so it’s not rape” – It’s still rape even if the perpetrator does not use a gun or knife.

“I didn’t say NO” – Even if you did not expressly say no to the sexual encounter, there are many other ways that someone can insinuate that he or she is not in the mood for sex.

What Are The Three Stages of Acquaintance Rape?

In order to prevent an acquaintance rape, it helps to know what the stages of acquaintance rape are. Many of our societal norms dictate that we behave politely and passively around others. This means that we may suppress our feelings of discomfort and fear so that we don’t offend someone else. Above all else, no matter how rude you may feel, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE – IT MAY TELL YOU WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.

Here are the three stages of acquaintance rape, as explained by RAINN:

1) Intrusion – this is an attempt by the rape perpetrator to violate the victim’s personal space and level of comfort. This may be demonstrated by revealing personal information, or via seemingly-accidental touches and stares.

2) Desensitization – this stage of acquaintance rape occurs when the victim feels comfortable around the rape perpetrator. He or she regards the intrusive behaviors as non-threatening. The victim during this stage of acquaintance rape may feel uneasy but often convinces him or herself that the feeling is unfounded.

3) Isolation – the rape perpetrator uses the victim’s trust to isolate the victim from others.

How Can I Spot The Warning Signs of a Date Rape?

There are a couple of things to keep in mind to try and avoid date or acquaintance rape.

• The most important thing when trying to prevent a date rape is this: Trust your gut – if it’s saying something’s wrong – LISTEN TO IT.

• Go out with a group when you’re going on a date.

• Organize your own way home so you don’t end up relying upon your date for a ride.

• Keep a cell phone on you.

• Most date rapes happen in the home, so be careful about inviting him or her inside and vice versa.

• Keep an eye on anyone who spends the night feeding you drinks. Being drunk can make your judgment VERY impaired.

• Keep an eye on your friends – make sure they’re not getting themselves into a dangerous situation.

• You ALWAYS have the right to say no. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

What Are The “Date Rape Drugs?”

Sometimes, rapists use extremely powerful drugs to assist in a sexual assault or acquaintance rape. These drugs may be slipped into a drink while the victim is not looking and may cause the victim to become weak, confused, and possibly pass out. Once a victim is passed out, he or she cannot resist sexual intercourse – and may not remember what happened.

These date rape drugs can be used on men and women and include the following:

Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) – a small, round, white pill (newer forms may be oval and grey-green colored) that dissolves in liquids. The dye in these new pills makes clear liquids turn bright blue and dark drinks cloudy – but the color change may be hard to note in a darkened room.

The effects of Rohypnol can be felt within 30 minutes and lasts a couple of hours. A person on Rohypnol may behave as though they are drunk – they may have trouble standing, speech may be slurred, or they may pass out.

Other effects may include:

• Feeling drunk
• Loss of muscle control
• Difficulties with movements
• Slurred speech – trouble talking
• Nausea/Stomach problems
• Amnesia – No memory of being drugged
• Confusion
• Dizziness
• Sleepiness
• Death

GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) – comes in different forms – a colorless, odorless liquid, white powder or pill, that can give drinks a salty flavor that’s easily masked by juices or other sweet drinks. GHB takes effect about 15 minutes after it is ingested, and its effects can last 3-4 hours. Even a small amount can cause tremendous effects – so overdose on GHB is common.

Problems with GHB include:

• Sleepiness
• Nausea/Vomiting
• Problems with vision
• Dizziness
• Loss of consciousness
• Amnesia – cannot remember events that happened during drugging.
• Feeling as though in a dream
• Seizures
• Breathing difficulties
• Tremors
• Slowed heart rate
• Coma
• Death

Ketamine – comes in a liquid form or a white powder. Ketamine, or “Special K” is a fast-acting drug, that causes memory problems, inability to move, and amnesia. Other problems with Ketamine include:

• Distorted perceptions of sound and sight
• Inability to remember time and identity
• Out-of-body experiences and dream-like feelings
• Numbness
• Feeling out of control
• Problems with movement
• Impaired breathing
• Convulsions
• Vomiting
• Aggressive/violent outbursts
• High blood pressure
• Slurred speech

What About Alcohol?

Any drug that causes impaired judgment or different behaviors can put a person at risk for unwanted and/or risky sexual activity. Alcohol is known for such behaviors. Alcohol is also the most common drug used to aid in a sexual assault/rape. Why?

• It’s hard to think clearly while drunk
• It’s harder to set limits and make good choices while drunk
• It can be hard to tell if a situation is dangerous or bad
• It’s harder to say no to unwanted sexual advances
• It’s harder to fight back during a rape
• Blackouts and memory loss are common

Okay, How Do I Make Sure I’m Not A Victim To Date Rape Drugs?

There are some things to do to combat the usage of date rape drugs around you. Most of these are common sense ideas to avoid date rape drugs:

• Don’t take drinks from other people.

• If someone gives you a drink, don’t drink it.

• Open all containers yourself.

• Keep your drink with you all the time – even in the bathroom.

• Don’t drink anything from a punch bowl or other open containers as they may have been drugged.

• Don’t share your drink with anyone else or take a drink from someone else’s cup.

• Go with anyone who offers to get you a drink from the bar – watch as the drink is poured and carry it yourself.

• Don’t drink anything that tastes or smells weird – GHB may have a salty taste.

• Bring a designated driver, even if you’re walking – a sober buddy can help you make good decisions.

• Pour out any drinks you’ve left unattended.

• If you feel drunk and haven’t had much (or anything) to drink, call 911 immediately – some of these drugs can kill you.

How Do I Know If I Was Drugged and Sexually Assaulted?

Sometimes, it’s really hard to tell if you’ve been drugged with “date rape” drugs and raped – most people don’t remember being drugged or assaulted.

A victim may not remember the attack at all, or it may be 8-12 hours after the rape before he or she remembers it. The drugs used to facilitate sexual violence are fast acting and metabolize quickly. Unless the victim seeks help very quickly after the rape, he or she may not be able to prove that drugs were involved.

Signs that you may have been drugged and sexually assaulted include the following:

• Feeling drunk after only one drink or like the drinks are way stronger than normal.

• You wake up feeling super-hungover and confused – a whole chunk of time was lost.

• You can’t remember anything after your drink.

• Your clothes are torn, ripped or on your body the wrong way.

• You feel like you’ve had sex but have no memory of it.

What Do You Do If You’ve Been Drugged And Raped?

Call 911 and get medical care immediately. Alternately, find someone you trust to take you to the ER.

Don’t brush your teeth, urinate, wash your hands, eat, drink, change clothes, bathe, shower, douche before you go – this can remove valuable evidence of a rape.

Call the police from the ER – tell them all that you remember. Don’t be afraid to tell the story – nothing you have done means that you deserve to be raped.

Ask the hospital to test your urine for the date rape drugs – many of those metabolize quickly, so the sooner you can give a urine specimen, the better.

Don’t clean up the area where the sexual assault occurred – there could be evidence on a glass or on the sheets.

Be sure to follow up with a rape crisis counselor or a therapist who specializes in rape/sexual assault. You can call National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 to find a trauma counselor near you.

What Are The Feelings That I Might Feel After Rape By An Acquaintance?

After being raped by someone that you know, there are many feelings that you may feel. These feelings may be strange and new, but no matter how you feel, it’s normal. If you find yourself unable to cope after the rape, please seek professional help from a trained rape counselor.

Feelings post-rape may be any or all of the following:

• Problems sleeping
• Problems eating
• Wildly swinging moods
• Blaming yourself
• Feeling humiliated and ashamed
• Nightmares
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Fear of leaving the house
• Fear of another rape
• Anger
• Feeling helpless
• Using alcohol or drugs to “feel better”
• Self-injury
• Thoughts of suicide
• Feeling depressed

How Do I Cope With Acquaintance Rape?

There are a lot of different factors that make coping with a sexual assault by someone that you know challenging. Common reactions to date rape may include:

• Fear of retaliation for reporting the attack

• Fears of being harassed and/or assaulted again

• Fears of being harassed by family and friends of the attacker

• Fear that another attack will occur.

Common myths can also hinder recovery from sexual assault. Common rape myths may include the following:

• The attack was caused by the victim dressing provocatively, “he/she asked for it.”

• The attack was caused by the victim being intoxicated.

• The attack was caused because the victim had already been intimate with the attacker on previous occasions.

Blame for the attack may also hinder recovery from a date/acquaintance rape. Types of blame include the following:

• Victim believes that he/she caused the attack by being drunk and/or intoxicated.

• Victim believes he/she didn’t say no loudly enough.

• Victim feels he/she lead the attacker on.

• Family and friends blame the victim for the attack.

Continued Trauma With Acquaintance Rape:

Unlike a rape attack from a stranger, someone who is raped by someone he or she knows has an added layer to their healing: they may be forced to confront their attacker in a social setting, even if the rape goes unreported. Fears of these encounters can cause increased shame and humiliation for someone who is the victim of acquaintance rape.

How To Heal After Acquaintance Rape:

Healing after such a confusing type of rape can be extremely difficult. We here at Band Back Together have compiled a resource for those of you who have been raped or know someone who has been raped.

Date Rape Hotlines:

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911

If you have been sexually assaulted/raped and are in need of immediate assistance, call 1-800-656-HOPE.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Additional Resources For Date/Acquaintance Rape:

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) – the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline at rainn.org, and publicizes the hotline’s free, confidential services; educates the public about sexual assault; and leads national efforts to prevent sexual assault, improve services to victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

Office on Women’s Health – US governmental website that has a list of common date rape drugs and their effects.

Joyful Heart Foundation: Created by Law and Order’s Mariska Hargitay for survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse. Their mission is to educate, empower and shed light into these terrible crimes and help the survivors heal.

Hope for Healing: A website dedicated to helping male victims of rape/sexual assault.

End the Backlog: A charity organization seeking justice for survivors by working in partnership with government, non-profits, advocates, and survivors to bring attention, funding and new legislation to reduce the backlog of untested rape kits across the country.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center: the nation’s principle information and resource center regarding all aspects of sexual violence.

It Happened to Alexa Foundation: provide funds for families to travel and be with a rape victim for the duration of the trial.

Page last audited 7/2019

Anger Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 11, 2018

What is Anger?

Anger is a basic human emotion that is experienced by all people, however, the degree to which, the triggers for it, and the reactions to it are varied throughout people. Generally, anger triggered by an emotional hurt, anger is usually experienced as an unpleasant feeling that occurs when we think we have been injured, mistreated, opposed in our long-held views, or when we are faced with problems that keep us from attaining our goals.

The experience of anger varies widely; how often anger occurs, how intensely it is felt, and how long it lasts are different for each person. People also vary in how easily they get angry (their anger threshold), as well as how comfortable they are with feeling angry. Some people are always getting angry while others seldom feel angry. Some people are very aware of their anger, while others fail to recognize anger when it occurs. Some experts suggest that the average adult gets angry about once a day and annoyed or peeved about three times a day. Other anger management experts suggest that getting angry fifteen times a day is more likely a realistic average. Regardless of how often we actually experience anger, it is a common and unavoidable emotion.

Anger can be constructive or destructive. When well managed, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental health or interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing. How you end up handling the anger signal has very important consequences for your overall health and welfare, however. When you express anger, your actions trigger others to become defensive and angry too. Blood pressure rises and stress hormones flow. Violence can ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerous ‘loose cannon’ whom no one wants to be around.

Out of control anger alienates friends, co-workers and family members. It also has a clear relationship with health problems and early mortality. Hostile, aggressive anger not only increases your risk for a premature death but also your risk for social isolation, which itself is a major risk factor for serious illness and death. These are but two of many reasons why learning to properly manage anger is a good idea.

While anger is a normal, usually healthy emotion everyone experiences from time to time, when anger becomes uncontrollable, it often causes problems at home and at work.

What Causes Anger?

Anger may happen instinctively in humans and other animals to protect territory, offspring and family members, secure mating privileges, prevent loss of possessions or food, and other perceived threats. Often anger is caused by  “perceived loss of control over factors affecting important values.” The values may be related to pride, love, money, justice, and so on.

Factors that commonly make people angry are:

• Grief after a major loss (death of a loved one, loss of a job, homelessness)
• Feelings of sexual frustration
• Disappointment or failure
• Rudeness and injustice
• Exhaustion
• Hunger
• Pain
• Use of or withdrawal from alcohol, drugs, medications, or other addictive substances
• Physical conditions, such as pre-menstrual syndrome
• Physical or mental illness
• Being teased, bullied, or humiliated
• Embarrassment and shame
• Stress, for example, over deadlines or financial problems
• Traffic jams
• Sloppy service
• Infidelity
• Burglary
• Being told you have a serious illness.

What Are The Ways We React To Anger?

There are a multitude of reasons that we become angry, and these vary from person to person.

Expressing Anger:

As anger is an adaptive response to threats that allows us to defend ourselves when we’re attacked, anger is necessary for survival, but we must place limits on how far we allow anger to take us.

1) Expressing anger in an assertive way by making your needs known and expressing how to get them met is the healthiest way of handling anger.

2) Suppressing anger happens when you hold the anger inside and focus on something else, converting your feelings into more productive behavior. Suppressing anger can be helpful, but if the anger remains unexpressed, it turns inward.

3) Unexpressed Anger can lead to a cynical disposition marked by passive-aggressive behavior. Those who criticize others or put them down haven’t learned how to properly express anger.

Signs You May Have Uncontrollable Anger:

• Are you angry a lot of the time?

• Are you angry without an identifiable cause?

• Has anyone ever said they are afraid of you?

• Have you found yourself in difficult situations (personally or professionally) because you acted in anger without considering the consequences of your words or actions?

• Do your spouse and/or friends avoid conflict with you?

• Has someone ever received a bruise as a result of your actions during an argument?

• Have you ever broken an object (glass, chair, vase, ashtray, etc.) during or right after an argument?

• Has a loved one ever accused you of being angry and you felt you had to prove him or her wrong?

• Have you ever surprised yourself by how angry you got and by what you did?

• Have you ever hurt yourself punching or kicking a wall?

• Have you ever been “blind” with rage, or could not remember what you did when angry?

What Are The Health Repercussions of Anger?

Anger takes a lot out of a person. When you’re angry, your body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol. Slowly, your heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, and breathing rate increase.

Regular anger can eventually make people ill because recurrent, unmanaged anger can result in a constant flood of stress chemicals which is hard on your body and can lead to metabolic changes that eventually undermine your health.

The following physical health problems may occur:

• Backache
• Headaches
• Hypertension, or high blood pressure
• Insomnia
• Irritable bowel syndrome, or other digestive disorders
• Skin disorders
• Stroke
• Heart attack
• Lower pain threshold
• Weakened immune system, resulting in more infections, colds, and influenza.

Emotional and mental consequences of frequent, uncontrolled anger include:

• Depression and moodiness
• Eating disorders
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Self-injury
• Low self-esteem.

Ways To Keep Your Anger Managed:

Anger management involves skills of recognizing the signs of anger and taking action to deal with the situation in a positive way. It does not mean holding the anger in or avoiding angry feelings. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion when expressed appropriately.

Anger management teaches people how to recognize frustrations at an early stage, and to settle them in a way that allows the person to express their needs, while remaining calm and in control.

Coping with anger is an acquired skill.

Anger management helps a person to identify what triggers their emotions, and how to respond for a positive outcome.

A person whose anger is having negative consequences on a relationship, or is leading to violent or dangerous behavior may be advised to see a mental health counselor or to take an anger management class.

Some ways to manage your anger include:

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing and meditation can help control anger.

Take a break. Sometimes, our environment may irritate us to the point of anger. Make sure you have some personal time scheduled each day.

Solve problems with a plan. Since not all anger is misplaced, sometimes anger is a natural response to a very difficult situation without a “right” answer. Rather than focus on the solution, figure out how to manage the problem by making – and sticking to – a plan. Give it your best, but don’t become angry at yourself if you can’t find an answer immediately.

Change the way you think:

• Use cold logic on yourself as logic is rational and anger is irrational.

• Avoid using “always” and “never” when talking to yourself or someone else.

• Remind yourself that anger makes you feel worse, not better.

• Replace inner negative thoughts with more positive ones.

Use humor to diffuse rage and provide a more balanced perspective. Imagine the asshole that cut you off on the highway is actually a giant asshole. This should take some of the edge off the anger.

Recording the feelings during an episode, and what happened before, during, and after may help a person to anticipate anger triggers, and to cope when episodes occur.

Understanding what happened, what worked and what did not work can help to achieve a more effective anger management plan.

Don’t Repress: It is important not to repress the anger, but to express it when the person has calmed down, in an assertive, non-aggressive way.

Regular exercise can regulate levels of adrenaline and cortisol levels, as well as increasing levels of endorphins, the natural feel-good hormones. You will also sleep better; a crucial factor for good mental health.

Plan Ahead: If you’re is bothered by something, planning what to say beforehand can help prevent the conversation from getting sidetracked.

Focusing on the solution, not just the problem is more likely to resolve the issue.

Letting go of resentment helps, because bearing grudges fuels the anger and makes it harder to control. Other people are the way they are, and accepting this can help.

Timing is important. If evening discussions tend to turn into rows, possibly due to tiredness, change the times when you talk about important matters.

Anger can increase breathing and heart rates and tense up the muscles, but this can be reversed by deliberately slowing the breathing and systematically relaxing and loosening the muscles.

Getting at least 7 hours of good quality sleep every night contributes to good mental and physical health. Sleep deprivation has been linked to a number of health problems, including anger.

Use better communication by slowing down and thinking through your responses before spurting them out. Being defensive when criticized is normal, but listen to what the other person is saying before jumping to conclusions and acting out in anger.

Therapeutic counseling and classes are often recommended for people whose anger causes them to do things they regret, cause harm to the people around them, or whose behaviors are taking a toll on their personal and professional lives.

Know when to walk away: If you are confronted by a person who is irrationally angry, the best course of action is to walk away. It’s important to take reasonable precautions to protect yourself if leaving is difficult or impossible.

Therapy For Anger:

Anger management therapy may be in group sessions, or one-on-one with a counselor or psychotherapist.

If the person is diagnosed with a mental health condition, such as depression, anger management should take this into account.

In anger management training, a person learns to:

• Identify what makes them angry
• Respond in a non-aggressive way to anger triggers, before getting angry
• Handle the triggers
• Identify moments when thought processes are not leading to logical and rational conclusions, and to correct their thinking
• Return to a state of calm and peace when anger surges
• Express feelings and needs assertively in situations that normally lead to anger and frustration, without becoming aggressive
• Redirect energy and resources into problem-solving rather than anger.

First, the person needs to learn to fully recognize their anger. The following questions may help:

• How do I know when I am angry?
• What type of people, situations, events, places, triggers make me angry?
• How do I respond when I am angry? What do I do?
• What impact does my angry reaction have on other people?

It can help to understand that anger and calmness are not clear-cut emotions. Anger can range from mild irritation to full rage. Knowing this can help people to understand when they are really angry and when they are just irritated.

Emotional symptoms that may develop as a person moves from irritation to rage include:

• A desire to escape from the situation
• Irritation
• Sadness or depression
• Guilt
• Resentment
• Anxiety
• Desire to lash out verbally
• Desire to lash out physically.

The following signs may also occur:

• Rubbing the face with the hand
• Fidgeting, or clasping one hand with the other
• Pacing around
• Becoming cynical or sarcastic
• Losing the sense of humor
• Becoming rude and abusive
• Crave substances that the person thinks will relax them, such as alcohol, tobacco, or drugs
• Speaking louder
• Screaming or crying.

Physical symptoms that can occur include:
If not treated, anger problems can lead to further psychological problems such as anxiety and depression.

• Grinding teeth
• Clenching the jaw
• Upset stomach
• Elevated heart rate
• Sweating
• Rapid, shallow breathing
• Hot flashes in the face or neck
• Trembling hands, lips or jaw
• Dizziness
• Tingling at the back of the neck.

If a person can recognize whether they are irritated, angry or furious, they can use anger management techniques to control the situation.

Additional Anger Resources:

If anger has caused a person to become violent or someone you know is in physical danger, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

Evolution of Self: What Your Anger May Be Hiding. An article from Psychology Today written by a psychologist

Taking Charge of Anger: website explaining anger to children.

Post last audited 7/2019

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 7, 2018

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is severe anxiety disorder that may develop as a result of exposure to a terribly frightening, life-threatening, or otherwise highly unsafe experience (i.e. trauma). This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or someone else. It could be a sexual or physical assault, unexpected death of a loved one, an accident, war or a natural disaster. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a lasting consequence of such stressful ordeals.

Many people who have experienced such traumatic events will have reactions that include anger, shock, fear, guilt, and nervousness. These reactions are common and dissipate over time. However, for someone suffering from PTSD, these feelings increase and often become so strong that they prevent the person from living a normal life.

Who Gets Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Everyone handles traumatic events differently – just as each person handles fears, threats and stresses in a unique way. That means that not every person who witnesses or experiences a traumatic event will develop post-traumatic stress syndrome. Also, the support and help a person receives following the traumatic event influences the development of PTSD and the severity of symptoms of the disorder.

While PTSD was once known as something that happened to war veterans, it is now known that post-traumatic stress disorder can occur in anyone following a stressful event. The likelihood for developing PTSD depends upon many things, including:

• The intensity of the trauma and how long it lasted
• If you lost someone close to you
• How close you were to the event
• The strength of your reaction
• How in control you felt about the traumatic event
• The amount of help and support you got after the traumatic event

What Are The Risk Factors For Developing PTSD?

There are risk factors for developing PTSD, though. They include:

• Those who have had previously traumatic experiences – especially in early life.
• Those who have a history of physical, sexual or substance abuse.
• Those who have a history of mental illness, including depression and anxiety.
• Those who have a lack of support after trauma.
• Traumatic events are more likely to cause PTSD if they involve a severe threat to one’s life or personal safety – the more prolonged and extreme, the greater the risk for development of PTSD.
• Those who have suffered childhood abuse are at greater risk for development of post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Victims of physical and/or sexual trauma face the greatest risk for development of PTSD.

What Are The Symptoms of PTSD?

Symptoms of PTSD often begin within three months of the traumatic event, although they can take years to surface. The severity and duration of post-traumatic stress disorder varies from person to person – some recover within six months while others suffer many years.

PTSD can negatively impact everyday functioning at work and at home, as it often disrupts the normal course of a person’s day and makes it difficult to sleep, eat, or focus on a task.

The symptoms of PTSD are grouped into four categories:

Reliving: PTSD sufferers re-experience the stressful or traumatic event in some way. These can include thoughts and memories of the trauma, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks. Someone with PTSD may also feel distress when they are reminded of the trauma, such as an anniversary of the event.

Avoidance: People who have PTSD may avoid places, people, or other things that remind them of the event or trauma. This may lead to feelings of detachment and isolation from loved ones and friends, as well as a general loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities.

Increased Arousal: People who have post-traumatic stress disorder may become exquisitely sensitive to normal life experiences. This is also known as hyper-arousal. Symptoms of hyper-arousal may include being easily startled, emotional outbursts, difficulty concentrating, increased blood pressure, muscle tension, and/or nausea and vomiting.

Feeling Emotionally Numb: It may be very hard for someone who experiences PTSD to express and feel their emotions. This is a way to cope with memories, but can feel very discomfiting for both the person with PTSD and their loved ones.

Other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder include:

• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Problems holding a job
• Relationship troubles, including divorce and domestic violence
• Feelings of hopelessness, shame or despair.

Can Kids Have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Anyone at any age can develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Their symptoms may be similar to those listed above or can be different. Older children experience symptoms similar to adults. Here are some other symptoms children with PTSD may have:

• Young children may have trouble being separated from parents or caregivers
• Children may have trouble sleeping
• Previously toilet-trained children may suddenly start having accidents or have difficulty using the bathroom.
• Children ages 6-9 may act out the traumatic event through drawings, stories and play. They may also develop anxieties or fears that do not seem to be related to the traumatic event.

Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Common?

PTSD is more common than once believed. It’s estimated that about 5.2 American adults suffer from PTSD each year, and 7.8 Americans will suffer it at some point in their lifetime.

PTSD can develop at any age – including childhood.

Women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, although that may be due to the fact that women are more likely to be the victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and rape than men.

How is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Diagnosed?

If the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder are present, a complete medical history and physical exam will be performed. If no physical illness is found, a general family practitioner will refer the patient to a mental health professional for a more thorough examination.

A mental health professional will perform a specially designed interview to ascertain whether PTSD is present and how severe the symptoms may be. From there, the therapist and person with PTSD can work together to develop a treatment plan to work on managing the symptoms of the disorder.

How is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treated?

The goal of treatment for PTSD is to reduce the physical and emotional symptoms, improve daily functioning and help the person better cope with the event that triggered the disorder. Treatment for PTSD often involves therapy, medication or both.

Medication – Often, those who have PTSD are prescribed antidepressants to control the feelings of anxiety associated with the disorder. Other medications that may be prescribed are mood stabilizers and tranquilizers.

Therapy – Therapy teaches a person who has PTSD to learn skills to manage symptoms of the disorder and learn to cope with the event and fears that triggered the disorder.

Coping With Specific Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms:

PTSD has very specific and very debilitating symptoms. Here are some ways to cope with these symptoms:

Intrusive memories, thoughts or images:

• Remind yourself that they’re just memories.
• Remember that while these can be overwhelming, the reminders often dissipate over time.
• Remind yourself that it’s normal to have memories of the traumatic event.
• Talk about these things with someone that you trust.

Sudden feelings of panic or anxiety:

PTSD often leaves us with our hearts pounding, feeling light-headed or spacey (often called by quick breathing.) If this is something that happens, remember:

• These reactions aren’t dangerous – you wouldn’t notice if you had them while exercising.
• These feelings may come with scary thoughts, which is what may make them so upsetting. These scary thoughts are not true.
• Try to slow down your breathing.
• These awful sensations will pass.

Difficulty concentrating or focusing:

• Slow down – give yourself time to focus upon what it is you need to do.
• Make “to-do” lists every day.
• Break big tasks into smaller doable chunks.
• Plan a realistic amount of tasks to do in a day.
• You may be suffering depression – if so, talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

Trouble feeling or expressing positive emotions.

• Remind yourself that this is a common reaction to trauma, not something you’re doing on purpose.
• Don’t feel guilty for something you can’t control.
• Continue engaging in activities you like or used to like. Even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it now, once you get into it, you may find yourself feeling pleasurable feelings.
• Take really small steps to tell your loved ones you care – write a card, leave a gift, send an email, call them to say hi.

Flashbacks:

• Keep your eyes open – look around and see, really see where you are.
• Talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re here, that you’re safe. The trauma is long-since over and you are in the present.
• Get up and move around. Take a drink of water or wash your hands. Interrupt the flashbacks with movements.
• Call someone you trust and tell them that you’re experiencing a flashback.

Irritability, anger and rage:

• Before reacting, take a time out to cool off and think.
• Walk away from the situation.
• Exercise every day – exercise reduces tension and relieves stress.
• Talk to your doctor about your anger.
• Take anger management classes.
• If you blow up at family or friends, find time to talk to them and explain what happened and what you are doing to cope with it.

Nightmares about the trauma:

• If you wake from a nightmare in a panic, remind yourself you’re reacting to a dream. The DREAM is responsible for the panic, not any current danger.
• Get out of bed, regroup, and orient yourself to the present.
• Try a pleasant and calming activity like taking a bath or listening to soothing music.
• If someone is awake, talk to them.
• Tell your doctor that you’re having nightmares.

Difficulty falling or staying asleep:

• Keep a regular bedtime schedule and routine.
• Avoid heavy exercise for a few hours before bed.
• Use your bed only for sex and sleeping.
• Don’t use alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine – these hurt your ability to sleep.
• Don’t lie there in bed thinking or worrying. If you can’t sleep, get up and do something quiet like drinking herbal tea, or warm milk. Read a book or do something else quietly.

How Do I Manage PTSD At Home?

Recovering from PTSD is a gradual, ongoing process that can take many months or years. The memories of the trauma will never disappear completely, although in time they will become manageable. Here are some ways to cope with residual complications from PTSD:

Recovery – Remember that recovery is a process, not an event, that happens gradually. Having an ongoing response to stress is normal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the event or removing all pain while thinking about the event – healing means learning to cope with the symptoms.

Learn – learning about trauma and PTSD in response to a traumatic event as well as some common signs and symptoms may help you to realize you’re not alone, weak or crazy. It helps to know your problem is something shared by many, many others.

Relax – sometimes, relaxation techniques can be helpful for people with PTSD. These activities include: muscle relaxation exercises, breathing exercises, meditation, prayer, spending time in nature, yoga, listening to quiet music. In others, however, these may increase distress at first. If that happens, simply try relaxation techniques for smaller periods of time, or mix them with other activities like listening to music or walking.

Don’t Isolate – The urge to pull back and isolate is very strong in those who have PTSD. It’s easy to feel disconnected to everyone around you, withdrawing from loved ones and social activities. It’s very important to have support from others while you recover, so resist the urge to isolate.

Join a Support Group – find a support group for people who have experienced similar types of trauma in your area. Being around people who understand what you are going through is priceless when it comes to recovery. It can remind you that you are not alone and provide you with invaluable information and tools for making a recovery from PTSD. If there are no local support groups, try online.

Don’t Self-Medicate – While you’re struggling with traumatic memories and painful emotions, the urge to use alcohol and drugs can be overwhelming. It’s a temporary fix. And unfortunately, these substances worsen PTSD in the long run, as they worsen symptoms like emotional numbing, social isolation, anger and depression.

Overcome Helplessness – trauma leaves you feeling vulnerable and powerless. It’s easy to forget that you do, in fact, have both coping skills and strengths. One of the best ways to overcome these feelings is to help other people. Donate time, money, help friends, or take other positive action. Taking positive action directly refutes the feelings of helplessness common in PTSD.

How Do I Help A Loved One With PTSD?

Be Patient and Understanding – Recovery from PTSD takes time – even if a person is actively trying to get better. Be patient with the pace (slow as it may be) and offer a kind ear. Someone with PTSD may need to talk about their trauma over and over – this is part of the healing, and while it can be frustrating to hear, don’t tell your loved one to “move on,” or “stop talking about it.”

Don’t Pressure – Sometimes, it can be very hard for someone with PTSD to talk about their trauma. For some people, it may make the situation worse. So never, ever force someone into discussing their trauma. Simply let them know that you are there if they’d like to talk.

Try to Prepare for PTSD Triggers – many people who have PTSD will have triggers around the anniversary of the trauma, certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you’re aware of what these triggers are, you can offer support and help to calm your loved one.

Don’t Take It Personally – Some of the more common PTSD symptoms can hurt your feelings. These may include anger, withdrawal, and isolation. If your loved one seems distant or irritable, remember this probably has nothing to do with you.

Be There – sometimes the biggest help for someone who is suffering from PTSD is to have a partner, friend, or other loved one simply be there for them. Do simple favors. Offer unconditional love. Don’t push. Simply be there for them.

It’s Not “In Their Head” – being the partner of someone with an invisible illness can be very stressful. You may wonder why they don’t just “get over it.” The thing is – PTSD is a real illness, and your loved one may already feel as though they’re going crazy. Don’t add to it by making your partner feel badly for having these emotions or guilt them for “not getting over it.” It’s not as simple as that.

Help Yourself – if handling the flashbacks, the anxiety, the numbing, and the rest of the PTSD symptoms are becoming too stressful for you, seek help for yourself. No one ever said you had to go through this alone. Seeing a therapist or attending a support group yourself can ease the burden tremendously.

What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Repeated traumatic events (such as long-term abuse) can result in what is known as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (it may also be called Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified or DES-NOS).

The current PTSD diagnosis doesn’t quite capture the severe psychological harm that occurs with prolonged, repeated trauma. Complex PTSD is somewhat different from typical PTSD as repeated traumas can cause the individual to question their own self-concept and alter adaptive abilities; in other words, the individual’s ability to distinguish between safety and danger is compromised. There is talk of adding Complex PTSD, with new criteria, to the DSM-IV.

According to the National Center for PTSD, symptoms of Complex PTSD may include:

Changes in emotions and the ability to regulate them. May include persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger.

Changes in consciousness. Includes forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one’s mental processes or body.

Changes in how one thinks of themselves. May include helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings.

Changes in how the victim sees the perpetrator of the trauma. Examples include attributing total power to the perpetrator, becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, or preoccupied with revenge.

Changes in interpersonal relationships. Examples include isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer.

Changes in one’s system of values and meanings. May include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder During The Holidays:

People suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may have a more difficult time during the holidays for any number of reasons:

PTSD sufferers can suffer setbacks at the anniversary or during the season the anniversary of the traumatic event occurred. For example, if someone has PTSD because of being molested by a family member during the holidays, the holiday season may bring back the memories and make it difficult to relax and enjoy the holiday. If a veteran remembers spending a horrible holiday seeing other members of their unit killed, the holiday season may be difficult to make it through. Sometimes, those suffering from PTSD do not understand why or cannot explain why they are irritable or cannot enjoy the holidays.

Family members try to make the holiday special and may end up feeling angry instead when the person with PTSD is not willing or able to participate in holiday events.

Holidays and family functions can make the PTSD sufferer feel like an outsider. They may feel uncomfortable joining in the celebration and, as a result, end up feeling alone and isolated. Although family members may try to include the person with PTSD, if the event brings back memories or makes him or her uncomfortable, being pushed into participating can make the feelings of isolation even more uncomfortable.

PTSD sufferers may have survivor’s guilt. The traumatic event that caused the PTSD may be one in which other people perished. This may create guilt and cause them to wonder why he or she survived and others did not. Holidays may increase these feelings. Family members, with good intentions, can create even more guilt by either ignoring the situation or calling attention to it. The survivor must be able to grieve in his or her own way and family members must be respectful of that grief.

Large crowds or events with alcohol can be problems for people with PTSD. He or she may feel unsafe in places with many people or large crowds. Trips to the mall or large family gatherings may bring about such uncomfortable feelings the sufferer may instead avoid all situations that involve crowds.

People with PTSD have a larger chance than the general public of having problems with alcohol. Holiday parties often include alcoholic beverages and this may be a big problem, especially if triggers are around.

No matter what the reason, the holiday season is often difficult for people with PTSD, but there are a number of things they can do to help manage their PTSD during this holiday season:

Understand Your Triggers – Knowing what your triggers are and having techniques to cope with triggers can help you to make it through family gatherings or shopping trips.

Develop Coping Strategies– Anxiety coping techniques, such as deep breathing or removing yourself from the situation for a few minutes can help.

Prepare Yourself – Be prepared for situations that may come up. You may want to write down some of your coping strategies. When a stressful situation arises, you can take out your notes and use the strategies. Sometimes during a stressful situation, you can forget what helps. Having it written down can help calm you down.

Accept You may Need to Leave – If your anxiety becomes difficult or impossible to handle, excuse yourself and leave, even if just for a few minutes. Sometimes leaving for a few minutes may enable you to relax and return for the rest of the event. Other times, your anxiety may require you to leave the event. Whichever it may be, leaving is an option and those people that care about you will understand.

Prepare First – When accepting a social invitation, ask the host or hostess questions to help you be more prepared. How many people will be attending? Who will be attending? By knowing about the event, you can prepare yourself for possible triggers and knowing in advance can help you cope with the triggers.

Create a Support Network – Finding someone that understands and is willing to provide you with support is a wonderful feeling. Bring a friend with you to events you find to be scary or may contain triggers for PTSD. Knowing there is someone that understands what you are feeling and will be watching for signs of anxiety can help and make coping with the situation easier.

The holidays are a time of spirituality. No matter whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa, the meaning behind the holiday is love and peace. Family celebrations are meant to accentuate these feelings. However, holidays do not need to be celebrated only with family gatherings. Finding your own way to celebrate can make the holidays meaningful. Take time to volunteer at a local hospital or by providing food baskets to those that need them. Sometimes, reaching out to others that are in pain can help to relieve your own pain.

Additional Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Resources:

Anxiety Disorders Association of America – promotes the prevention, treatment, and cure of anxiety and stress-related disorders through advocacy, education, training, and research.

Sidran Institute  Traumatic Stress Education and Advocacy – non-profit organization that helps people understand, recover from and treat those who have PTSD, dissociative disorder, and disorders that coexist with those disorders.

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies – an international, interdisciplinary professional organization that promotes advancement and exchange of knowledge about traumatic stress. This knowledge includes understanding the scope and consequences of traumatic exposure, preventing traumatic events and ameliorating their consequences, and advocating for the field of traumatic stress.

The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – US Department of Veterans Affairs website. A wealth of information for families of veterans as well as anyone else who suffers from PTSD and/or related anxiety disorders.

Make The Connection – A support community run by the US Department of Veterans Affairs, geared towards helping connect military personnel with others who can help and resources to get them help with issues that arise upon coming home from a deployment.

Page last audited 10/2018

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