Helping Someone In An Abusive Relationship

by Band Back Together | Aug 8, 2018

Date or Acquaintance Rape Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 18, 2018

For purposes of this article, the terms “sexual assault” and “rape” will be used interchangeably.

What is Date Rape?

Date rape, also known as acquaintance rape, is a sexual assault – or attempted sexual assault – committed by someone the sexual assault victim knows. Date rape, like other types of rape, involves sexual intercourse without mutual consent. Date rape is more appropriately called “acquaintance” rape, as “date” implies that the victim is in a relationship with his or her attacker.

While the term “rape” conjures up images of strangers attacking a random victim, almost 80% of rapes (or 4 out of every 5 rapes) are committed by people that the victim knows. A woman is four times more likely to be raped by someone she knows. Even if the perpetrator of the sexual assault has had previous consensual sexual relations with the victim, it is still illegal to force sex upon another.

Many people who have been raped by people that they know have a difficult time believing that what happened to them was rape. Rather than focusing upon the violation of the rape, he or she may blame him or herself for the rape.

It is important to remember that the act of rape has nothing to do with sex or passion or love – rape is always an act of aggression and violence.

The trauma of acquaintance rape is no less severe than a rape committed by a stranger.

How Common is Date Rape?

It’s unfortunate to note that date or acquaintance rape is far more common than you may think. While many rape victims do not report rape or sexual assaults, victims are even less inclined to report rape by someone that he or she knows.

The scary thing is that nearly 80% (4 out of 5 cases) of rapes are date rape situations. Effectively this means that a woman or man is 4 times more likely to be raped by someone she knows.

Who Commits Acquaintance Rape?

Those who commit acquaintance rape don’t have a particularly recognizable profile, there are some commonalities among those who commit acquaintance rape. These include:

• People who are aggressive in intimate relationships
• People who bend toward violence to solve problems
• People who are overly demanding of their partners.

A date rape perpetrator can be:

• Your partner
• An ex-partner
• A friend
• Someone you work with
• A new acquaintance

Acquaintance Rape Myths Dispelled:

“Men can’t be raped” – Most victims of acquaintance rape are female, but males can also be the victim of a sexual assault.

“He/She was asking for it” – Nobody “asks” to be raped.

“He/She just loves me – that’s how he/she shows it” – Rape is not a crime of love or passion – it is about violence and force.

“The victim had a lot of sexual partners” – It does not matter how many sexual partners a person has had – they still do not deserve to be raped.

“She was dressed provocatively. She was looking for sex” – Wearing a short skirt or skimpy clothing does not mean that someone is “asking for it,” or “deserves it.”

“He/She was wasted” – Being intoxicated by alcohol or other drugs does not imply consent to sexual intercourse.

“He/She bought me dinner!’ – Just because you buy dinner and drinks does not mean that you owe your date sex.

“He can’t control his urges – he’s a guy” – Guys CAN control their sexual urges.

“I didn’t fight back” – Even if you don’t fight back, it’s still rape.

“Only bad people get raped” – Even “nice” girls can be raped.

“Rapists LOOK like rapists” – Rapists are not generally scary looking people – they’re people from ordinary backgrounds of all ages.

“My attacker didn’t use a weapon, so it’s not rape” – It’s still rape even if the perpetrator does not use a gun or knife.

“I didn’t say NO” – Even if you did not expressly say no to the sexual encounter, there are many other ways that someone can insinuate that he or she is not in the mood for sex.

What Are The Three Stages of Acquaintance Rape?

In order to prevent an acquaintance rape, it helps to know what the stages of acquaintance rape are. Many of our societal norms dictate that we behave politely and passively around others. This means that we may suppress our feelings of discomfort and fear so that we don’t offend someone else. Above all else, no matter how rude you may feel, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE – IT MAY TELL YOU WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT.

Here are the three stages of acquaintance rape, as explained by RAINN:

1) Intrusion – this is an attempt by the rape perpetrator to violate the victim’s personal space and level of comfort. This may be demonstrated by revealing personal information, or via seemingly-accidental touches and stares.

2) Desensitization – this stage of acquaintance rape occurs when the victim feels comfortable around the rape perpetrator. He or she regards the intrusive behaviors as non-threatening. The victim during this stage of acquaintance rape may feel uneasy but often convinces him or herself that the feeling is unfounded.

3) Isolation – the rape perpetrator uses the victim’s trust to isolate the victim from others.

How Can I Spot The Warning Signs of a Date Rape?

There are a couple of things to keep in mind to try and avoid date or acquaintance rape.

• The most important thing when trying to prevent a date rape is this: Trust your gut – if it’s saying something’s wrong – LISTEN TO IT.

• Go out with a group when you’re going on a date.

• Organize your own way home so you don’t end up relying upon your date for a ride.

• Keep a cell phone on you.

• Most date rapes happen in the home, so be careful about inviting him or her inside and vice versa.

• Keep an eye on anyone who spends the night feeding you drinks. Being drunk can make your judgment VERY impaired.

• Keep an eye on your friends – make sure they’re not getting themselves into a dangerous situation.

• You ALWAYS have the right to say no. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

What Are The “Date Rape Drugs?”

Sometimes, rapists use extremely powerful drugs to assist in a sexual assault or acquaintance rape. These drugs may be slipped into a drink while the victim is not looking and may cause the victim to become weak, confused, and possibly pass out. Once a victim is passed out, he or she cannot resist sexual intercourse – and may not remember what happened.

These date rape drugs can be used on men and women and include the following:

Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) – a small, round, white pill (newer forms may be oval and grey-green colored) that dissolves in liquids. The dye in these new pills makes clear liquids turn bright blue and dark drinks cloudy – but the color change may be hard to note in a darkened room.

The effects of Rohypnol can be felt within 30 minutes and lasts a couple of hours. A person on Rohypnol may behave as though they are drunk – they may have trouble standing, speech may be slurred, or they may pass out.

Other effects may include:

• Feeling drunk
• Loss of muscle control
• Difficulties with movements
• Slurred speech – trouble talking
• Nausea/Stomach problems
• Amnesia – No memory of being drugged
• Confusion
• Dizziness
• Sleepiness
• Death

GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid) – comes in different forms – a colorless, odorless liquid, white powder or pill, that can give drinks a salty flavor that’s easily masked by juices or other sweet drinks. GHB takes effect about 15 minutes after it is ingested, and its effects can last 3-4 hours. Even a small amount can cause tremendous effects – so overdose on GHB is common.

Problems with GHB include:

• Sleepiness
• Nausea/Vomiting
• Problems with vision
• Dizziness
• Loss of consciousness
• Amnesia – cannot remember events that happened during drugging.
• Feeling as though in a dream
• Seizures
• Breathing difficulties
• Tremors
• Slowed heart rate
• Coma
• Death

Ketamine – comes in a liquid form or a white powder. Ketamine, or “Special K” is a fast-acting drug, that causes memory problems, inability to move, and amnesia. Other problems with Ketamine include:

• Distorted perceptions of sound and sight
• Inability to remember time and identity
• Out-of-body experiences and dream-like feelings
• Numbness
• Feeling out of control
• Problems with movement
• Impaired breathing
• Convulsions
• Vomiting
• Aggressive/violent outbursts
• High blood pressure
• Slurred speech

What About Alcohol?

Any drug that causes impaired judgment or different behaviors can put a person at risk for unwanted and/or risky sexual activity. Alcohol is known for such behaviors. Alcohol is also the most common drug used to aid in a sexual assault/rape. Why?

• It’s hard to think clearly while drunk
• It’s harder to set limits and make good choices while drunk
• It can be hard to tell if a situation is dangerous or bad
• It’s harder to say no to unwanted sexual advances
• It’s harder to fight back during a rape
• Blackouts and memory loss are common

Okay, How Do I Make Sure I’m Not A Victim To Date Rape Drugs?

There are some things to do to combat the usage of date rape drugs around you. Most of these are common sense ideas to avoid date rape drugs:

• Don’t take drinks from other people.

• If someone gives you a drink, don’t drink it.

• Open all containers yourself.

• Keep your drink with you all the time – even in the bathroom.

• Don’t drink anything from a punch bowl or other open containers as they may have been drugged.

• Don’t share your drink with anyone else or take a drink from someone else’s cup.

• Go with anyone who offers to get you a drink from the bar – watch as the drink is poured and carry it yourself.

• Don’t drink anything that tastes or smells weird – GHB may have a salty taste.

• Bring a designated driver, even if you’re walking – a sober buddy can help you make good decisions.

• Pour out any drinks you’ve left unattended.

• If you feel drunk and haven’t had much (or anything) to drink, call 911 immediately – some of these drugs can kill you.

How Do I Know If I Was Drugged and Sexually Assaulted?

Sometimes, it’s really hard to tell if you’ve been drugged with “date rape” drugs and raped – most people don’t remember being drugged or assaulted.

A victim may not remember the attack at all, or it may be 8-12 hours after the rape before he or she remembers it. The drugs used to facilitate sexual violence are fast acting and metabolize quickly. Unless the victim seeks help very quickly after the rape, he or she may not be able to prove that drugs were involved.

Signs that you may have been drugged and sexually assaulted include the following:

• Feeling drunk after only one drink or like the drinks are way stronger than normal.

• You wake up feeling super-hungover and confused – a whole chunk of time was lost.

• You can’t remember anything after your drink.

• Your clothes are torn, ripped or on your body the wrong way.

• You feel like you’ve had sex but have no memory of it.

What Do You Do If You’ve Been Drugged And Raped?

Call 911 and get medical care immediately. Alternately, find someone you trust to take you to the ER.

Don’t brush your teeth, urinate, wash your hands, eat, drink, change clothes, bathe, shower, douche before you go – this can remove valuable evidence of a rape.

Call the police from the ER – tell them all that you remember. Don’t be afraid to tell the story – nothing you have done means that you deserve to be raped.

Ask the hospital to test your urine for the date rape drugs – many of those metabolize quickly, so the sooner you can give a urine specimen, the better.

Don’t clean up the area where the sexual assault occurred – there could be evidence on a glass or on the sheets.

Be sure to follow up with a rape crisis counselor or a therapist who specializes in rape/sexual assault. You can call National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 to find a trauma counselor near you.

What Are The Feelings That I Might Feel After Rape By An Acquaintance?

After being raped by someone that you know, there are many feelings that you may feel. These feelings may be strange and new, but no matter how you feel, it’s normal. If you find yourself unable to cope after the rape, please seek professional help from a trained rape counselor.

Feelings post-rape may be any or all of the following:

• Problems sleeping
• Problems eating
• Wildly swinging moods
• Blaming yourself
• Feeling humiliated and ashamed
• Nightmares
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Fear of leaving the house
• Fear of another rape
• Anger
• Feeling helpless
• Using alcohol or drugs to “feel better”
• Self-injury
• Thoughts of suicide
• Feeling depressed

How Do I Cope With Acquaintance Rape?

There are a lot of different factors that make coping with a sexual assault by someone that you know challenging. Common reactions to date rape may include:

• Fear of retaliation for reporting the attack

• Fears of being harassed and/or assaulted again

• Fears of being harassed by family and friends of the attacker

• Fear that another attack will occur.

Common myths can also hinder recovery from sexual assault. Common rape myths may include the following:

• The attack was caused by the victim dressing provocatively, “he/she asked for it.”

• The attack was caused by the victim being intoxicated.

• The attack was caused because the victim had already been intimate with the attacker on previous occasions.

Blame for the attack may also hinder recovery from a date/acquaintance rape. Types of blame include the following:

• Victim believes that he/she caused the attack by being drunk and/or intoxicated.

• Victim believes he/she didn’t say no loudly enough.

• Victim feels he/she lead the attacker on.

• Family and friends blame the victim for the attack.

Continued Trauma With Acquaintance Rape:

Unlike a rape attack from a stranger, someone who is raped by someone he or she knows has an added layer to their healing: they may be forced to confront their attacker in a social setting, even if the rape goes unreported. Fears of these encounters can cause increased shame and humiliation for someone who is the victim of acquaintance rape.

How To Heal After Acquaintance Rape:

Healing after such a confusing type of rape can be extremely difficult. We here at Band Back Together have compiled a resource for those of you who have been raped or know someone who has been raped.

Date Rape Hotlines:

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911

If you have been sexually assaulted/raped and are in need of immediate assistance, call 1-800-656-HOPE.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Additional Resources For Date/Acquaintance Rape:

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) – the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline at rainn.org, and publicizes the hotline’s free, confidential services; educates the public about sexual assault; and leads national efforts to prevent sexual assault, improve services to victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.

Office on Women’s Health – US governmental website that has a list of common date rape drugs and their effects.

Joyful Heart Foundation: Created by Law and Order’s Mariska Hargitay for survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse. Their mission is to educate, empower and shed light into these terrible crimes and help the survivors heal.

Hope for Healing: A website dedicated to helping male victims of rape/sexual assault.

End the Backlog: A charity organization seeking justice for survivors by working in partnership with government, non-profits, advocates, and survivors to bring attention, funding and new legislation to reduce the backlog of untested rape kits across the country.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center: the nation’s principle information and resource center regarding all aspects of sexual violence.

It Happened to Alexa Foundation: provide funds for families to travel and be with a rape victim for the duration of the trial.

Page last audited 7/2019

Emotional Abuse Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 16, 2018

Call 911 for all emergencies.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional Abuse is a form of abuse where the perpetrator uses fear, humiliation or verbal assault to undermine the self-esteem of their victim.

Many people think that if they’re not being physically abused, they’re not being abused. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Emotional abuse is extremely difficult to identify because it is often subtle. Emotional abuse leaves no physical “marks.”

Emotional abuse often accompanies other forms of abuse, but it can happen on its own as well. No abuse – neglect, physical, sexual or financial – happens without psychological consequences, therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse doesn’t just “go away.”  Emotional abuse gets worse over time as it erodes a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and trust in their own judgment. It is similar to brainwashing – it can cause a victim to question reality and their own sanity, which leaves them at the mercy of relying on the very person who is abusing them.

Like other forms of abuse, emotional abusers strive to overpower the other person – the one with all the power has all of the control.

Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.

How Does Emotional Abuse Happen?

Very few people willingly enter into an abusive relationship, but many of us who were emotionally abused as children find ourselves in emotionally abusive relationships as adults. We did not learn how to develop our own standards, viewpoints, or validate our own feelings as children, so as adults, the controlling/defining stance of an emotional abuser is familiar.

An emotional abuser (like his or her victim) struggles with feelings of powerlessness, anger and hurt, and may be attracted to those who haven’t learned to value themselves and their feelings.

The first step in recovery from emotional abuse is to evaluate and understand your relationship patterns (especially family relationships).

Knowing where you came from and why you’re like this can help prevent future abuse.

Signs You’re In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship:

How to Spot Emotional Abuse in Your Relationship

Signs You May Be Emotionally Abusive:

Although not an exhaustive list, here are some signs that YOU may be emotionally abusive:

• You feel your partner pushes your buttons.
• Your partner puts you in a bad mood.
• There are times you don’t want to speak to or be around your partner.
• You feel you have to criticize your partner for not being more efficient or more reliable or a better person.
• You treat your partner in ways you couldn’t have imagined when you first started loving her.
• You sometimes make your partner feel like a failure as a provider, partner, parent, or lover.
• You automatically blame your partner when things go wrong.
• You resort to name-calling, swearing at your partner or putting him down.
• You threaten to take his children away.
• Your family and friends would be surprised to know how you treat your partner behind closed doors

Children are sensitive to what is going on around them and to the environment in which they live. Emotionally abusive actions towards children may include:

• Ignoring your child when he or she is in need.
• Not calling your child by his or her name.
• Making your child feel unwanted.
• Comparing your child to siblings or peers.
• Isolating your child from family and friends.

Types of Emotional Abuse:

Emotional abuse can be subtle that reading this list may be an eye-opener for you:

Abusive Expectations – Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

Aggressing – Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens, or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

Constant Chaos – Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

Rejecting – Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

Denying – Denies personal needs (especially when the need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory, and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

Degrading – Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

Emotional Blackmail – Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

Terrorizing – Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

Invalidation – Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

Isolating – Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

Corrupting – Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

Exploiting – Using a person for advantage or profit.

Minimizing – A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

Unpredictable Responses – Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

Gas-lighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

What is the Long-Term Impact Of Being Abused?

 What Do I Do If I’m Being Emotionally Abused?

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and can be dangerous. If you do not have friends or family that can help you, please contact a local women’s shelter or other organization that can help you safely leave the abusive relationship. Here are some tips for things you can do to help yourself if you’re being emotionally abused:

Make yourself physically and emotionally well – step one will always be to make sure you’re getting all the help you can. Stop worrying about pleasing the person abusing you. Take care of your needs. Do something that will help you think positive and affirm who you are.

Establish healthy emotional boundaries with your abuser  – Firmly tell the abusive person that they may no longer yell at you, call you names, insult you, be rude to you, and so on. Then, tell them what will happen if they choose to engage in this behavior.

Stop blaming yourself – guilt may be the enemy of emotional abuse victims. What’s happened to you is not your fault – you couldn’t have known what your partner would do. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for any amount of time, you may believe that there is something severely wrong with you. Why else would someone who says they love you act like this, right? But you are not the problem. Abuse is a choice. 

Realize that you cannot “fix” the abusive person. Despite your best efforts, you will never be able to change an emotionally abusive person by doing something different or by being different. An abusive person makes a choice to behave abusively. Remind yourself that you cannot control their actions and that you are not to blame for their choices. The only thing you can fix or control is your response.

Do not engage with an abusive person. In other words, if an abuser tries to start an argument with you, begins insulting you, demands things from you or rages with jealousy, do not try to make explanations, soothe their feelings or make apologies for things you did not do. Simply walk away from the situation if you can.

Build a support network. Stop being silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. Take time away from the abusive person as much as possible and spend time with people who love and support you.

Work on an exit plan. If your partner, friend, or family member has no intention of changing or working on their poor choices, you will not be able to remain in the abusive relationship forever. It will eventually take a toll on you both mentally and physically.

If your safety has been threatened, don’t hesitate to contact the local authorities.

Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships.

Remember that you’re not alone. The abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused. Help is out there.

How Can I Help Someone In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

If safety is ever a concern, don’t hesitate to find outside help. Here’s the State Coalition page for a state-by-state list of resources.

Educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships.

Be gentle when you talk to the victim in an emotionally abusive relationship. Criticism of the abuser and his or her behavior may cause the victim to withdraw from you. Offer to lend an ear if they’d like it.

Help the person disconnect from their abuser so that they can see the situation in a more balanced light. You may be able to help provide the distance and clarity needed for the victim of emotional abuse to see the patterns of abuse.

Suggest continued therapy to overcome the abuse and work through their issues.

Additional Emotional Abuse Resources:

Hotlines:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (2-24453)

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)

Websites:

State Coalition List – Directory of state offices that can help you find local support, shelter, and free or low-cost legal services. Includes all U.S. states, as well as the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

Domestic Violence Coalition: State-by-State directory of the Domestic Violence Coalitions.

Domestic Violence Shelters: State-by-State Directory of Domestic Violence Shelters.

RAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual assault network and a list of International Sexual Assault Resources

Page last audited 7/1/2019

Child Abuse Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 12, 2018

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD

What Is Child Abuse?

Child abuse is an act by a parent or caretaker that results or allows a child to be subjected to emotional harm, physical injury, sexual assault, or death. Emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse and sexual abuse are different types of child abuse.

Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional or physical harm.

Almost 5 children die every day as a result of child abuse. Three-fourths of those children are under the age of four.

It is estimated that between 60-85% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates.

Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.

Long-Term Effects of Child Abuse:

While there are several types of child abuse, all child abuse leaves lasting scars long after broken bones heal.

Difficulties with relationships. Growing up in a negligent and abusive environment damages the ability to easily trust another person.

Emotional Irregularities. Thanks to being unable to express emotions as children, adult child abuse survivors may have unexplained emotional irregularity, like unexplained depression or anxiety.

Core feelings of being worthless and damaged. It’s very difficult to overcome the feelings that, as an abused child, you were to blame for the abuse. As adults, it’s common to accept that those core feelings of worthlessness are facts. This may lead to settling for less than  deserved in every aspect of adult life.

What Are The Types of Child Abuse?

As there can be a number of types of child abuse, it is important to note that most children are abused in a number of ways and may exhibit a great number of symptoms.

Physical Child Abuse:

Physical Child Abuse is when a parent, loved one, family friend, or caregiver causes any non-accidental physical injury to a child. There are many signs of physical abuse. If you see any of the following signs, please get help right away. Nearly 29% of adults report that they were physically abused as a child. Physical abuse may include striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping or any other action that injures a child. Even if the caregiver didn’t mean to cause injury, when the child is injured – it is abuse. Physical discipline from a parent that does not injure or impair a child is not considered abuse; however non-violent alternatives are always available.

Physical abuse can result in:

• Bruises, blisters, burns, cuts, and scratches
• Internal injuries, brain damage
• Broken bones, sprains, dislocated joints
• Emotional and psychological harm
• Lifelong injury, death

Signs of physical abuse in parent or caregiver:

• Can’t or won’t explain injury of child, or explains it in a way that doesn’t make sense
• Displays aggression to child or is overly anxious about child’s behavior
• Indicates child is not trustworthy, a liar, evil, a troublemaker
• Delays or prevents medical care for child
• Takes child to different doctors or hospitals
• Keeps child from school, church, clubs
• Has history of violence and/or abuse

Signs and symptoms of physical abuse in a child:

Physical Symptoms:

• Any injury to a child who is not crawling yet
• Visible and severe injuries
• Injuries at different stages of healing
• On different surfaces of the body
• Unexplained or explained in a way that doesn’t make sense
• Distinctive shape
• Frequency, timing and history of injuries (frequent, after weekends, vacations, school absences)

Behavioral Symptoms:

• Aggression toward peers, pets, other animals
• Seems afraid of parents or other adults
• Fear, withdrawal, depression, anxiety
• Wears long sleeves out of season
• Violent themes in fantasy, art, etc.
• Nightmares, insomnia
• Reports injury, severe discipline
• Immaturity, acting out, emotional and behavior extremes
• Self-destructive behavior or attitudes

Child Neglect:

Child neglect is when a parent or caregiver does not give the care, supervision, affection and support needed for a child’s health, safety, and well-being. Child neglect may involve:

• Physical neglect and inadequate supervision
• Emotional neglect
• Medical neglect
• Educational neglect

Physical Child Neglect: Children need enough care to be healthy and enough supervision to be safe. Adults that care for children must provide clothing, food and drink. A child also needs safe, healthy shelter, and adequate supervision.

Examples of physical child neglect:

• Deserting a child or refusing to take custody of a child who is under your care
• Repeatedly leaving a child in another’s custody for days or weeks at a time
• Failing to provide enough healthy food and drink
• Failing to provide clothes that are appropriate to the weather
• Failing to ensure adequate personal hygiene
• Not supervising a child appropriately
• Leaving the child with an inappropriate caregiver
• Exposing a child to unsafe/unsanitary environments or situations

Emotional Child Neglect: Children require enough affection and attention to feel loved and supported. If a child shows signs of psychological illness, it must be treated.

Examples of emotional child neglect:

• Ignoring a child’s need for attention, affection and emotional support
• Exposing a child to extreme or frequent violence, especially domestic violence
• Permitting a child to use drugs, use alcohol, or engage in crime
• Keeping a child isolated from friends and loved ones

Medical Neglect Some states do not prosecute parents who withhold certain types of medical care for religious reasons, but they may get a court order to protect the child’s life. Parents and caregivers must provide children with appropriate treatment for injuries and illness. They must also provide basic preventive care to make sure their child stays safe and healthy.

Examples of medical neglect:

• Not taking child to hospital or appropriate medical professional for serious illness or injury
• Keeping a child from getting needed treatment
• Not providing preventative medical and dental care
• Failing to follow medical recommendations for a child

Educational Neglect: Parents and schools share responsibility for making sure children have access to opportunities for academic success.

Examples of educational neglect:

• Allowing a child to miss too much school
• Not enrolling a child in school (or not providing comparable home-based education)
• Keeping a child from needed special education services

Signs of Child Neglect: There is no “smoking gun” for most child neglect cases. While even one instance of neglect can cause lifelong harm to a child, neglect often requires a pattern of behavior over a period of time for the child to develop symptoms:

Signs of Child Neglect in Caregivers/Parents:

There is no “typical neglectful parent.” Nevertheless, certain indicators may suggest a parent or caregiver needs help to nurture and protect the child or children in their care:

• Displays indifference or lack of care toward the child
• Depression, apathy, drug/alcohol abuse and other mental health issues
• Denies problems with child or blames the child for problems
• Views child negatively
• Relies on child for own care and well-being

Signs of Neglect in the Child:

While a single indicator may not be cause for alarm, children who are neglected often show that they need help:

• • Clothing that is the wrong size, in disrepair, dirty, or not right for the weather
  • Often hungry, stockpiles food, seeks food, may even show signs of malnutrition (like distended belly, protruding bones)
  • Very low body weight, height for age
  • Often tired, sleepy, listless
  • Hygiene problems, body odor
  • Talks about caring for younger siblings, not having a caregiver at home
  • Untreated medical and dental problems, incomplete immunizations
  • Truancy, frequently incomplete homework, frequent changes of school

Child Sexual Abuse:

Child sexual abuse occurs when an adult uses a child for sexual purposes or involves a child in sexual acts. It also includes when a child who is older or more powerful uses another child for sexual gratification or excitement. Over 21% of adults report being sexually abused as a child.

Sexual abuse of children includes:

• Non-contact abuse
• Making a child view a sex act
• Making a child view or show sex organs
• Inappropriate sexual talk
• Contact abuse
• Fondling and oral sex
• Penetration
• Making children perform a sex act
• Exploitation
• Child prostitution and child pornography

Signs of sexual abuse in parent or caregiver:

• Parent fails to supervise child
• Unstable adult presence
• Jealous/possessive parent
• Sexual relationships troubled or dysfunctional
• Parent relies on child for emotional support

Signs of sexual abuse in a child:

Physical:

• Difficulty sitting, walking, bowel problems
• Torn, stained, bloody undergarments
• Bleeding, bruises, pain, swelling, itching of genital area
• Frequent urinary tract infections or yeast infections
• Any sexually transmitted disease or related symptoms

Behavioral:

• Reports sexual abuse
• Doesn’t want to change clothes (e.g., for P.E.)
• Withdrawn, depressed, anxious
• Eating disorders, preoccupation with body
• Aggression, delinquency, poor peer relationships
• Poor self-image, poor self-care, lack of confidence
• Sudden absenteeism, decline in school performance
• Substance abuse, running away, recklessness, suicide attempts
• Sleep disturbance, fear of bedtime, nightmares, bed wetting (at advanced age)
• Sexual acting out, excessive masturbation
• Unusual or repetitive soothing behaviors (hand-washing, pacing, rocking, etc.)
• Sexual behavior or knowledge that is advanced or unusual

Child Emotional Abuse:

Child Emotional Abuse occurs when a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental and social development, or causes severe emotional harm. While a single incident may be abuse, most often emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that causes damage over time. Nearly 11% of adults report being emotionally abused as a child.

Emotional abuse can include:

• Rejecting or ignoring: telling a child he or she is unwanted or unloved, showing little interest in child, not initiating or returning affection, not listening to the child, not validating the child’s feelings, breaking promises, cutting child off in conversation
• Shaming or humiliating: calling a child names, criticizing, belittling, demeaning, berating, mocking, using language or taking action that takes aim at child’s feelings of self-worth
• Terrorizing: accusing, blaming, insulting, punishing with or threatening abandonment, harm or death, setting a child up for failure, manipulating, taking advantage of a child’s weakness or reliance on adults, slandering, screaming, yelling
• Isolating: keeping child from peers and positive activities, confining child to small area, forbidding play or other stimulating experiences
• Corrupting: engaging child in criminal acts, telling lies to justify actions or ideas, encouraging misbehavior

Signs of emotional abuse in parent or caregiver:

• Routinely ignores, criticizes, yells at or blames child
• Plays favorites with one sibling over another
• Poor anger management or emotional self-regulation
• Stormy relationships with other adults, disrespect for authority
• History of violence or abuse
• Untreated mental illness, alcoholism or substance abuse

Physical:

Delays in development, including:

• Wetting bed, pants
• Speech disorders
• Health problems like ulcers, skin disorders
• Obesity and weight fluctuation

Behavioral:

• Habits like sucking, biting, rocking
• Learning disabilities and developmental delays
• Overly compliant or defensive
• Extreme emotions, aggression, withdrawal
• Anxieties, phobias, sleep disorders
• Destructive or anti-social behaviors (violence, cruelty, vandalism, stealing, cheating, lying)
• Behavior that is inappropriate for age (too adult, too infantile)
• Suicidal thoughts and behaviors

What Do I Say To An Abused Child?

If you’re in a situation where a child discloses abuse to you, there are a number of steps you can take.

• Listen carefully to the child. Avoid expressing your own views on the matter. A reaction of shock or disbelief could cause the child to ‘shut down’, retract or stop talking
• Let them know they’ve done the right thing. Reassurance can make a big impact to the child who may have been keeping the abuse secret
• Tell them it’s not their fault. Abuse is never the child’s fault and they need to know this
• Say you will take them seriously. A child could keep abuse secret in fear they won’t be believed. They’ve told you because they want help and trust you’ll be the person to believe them and help them
• Don’t talk to the alleged abuser. Confronting the alleged abuser about what the child’s told you could make the situation a lot worse for the child
• Explain what you’ll do next. If age appropriate, explain to the child you’ll need to report the abuse to someone who will be able to help
• Don’t delay reporting the abuse. The sooner the abuse is reported after the child discloses the better. Report as soon as possible so details are fresh in your mind and action can be taken quickly.
• Child abuse is rarely faked, so it’s important to take any allegations of abuse seriously. If a child comes to you with claims of abuse, call 1-800-4AChild to report abuse or get help.
• Reassure the abused child that it was not their fault; that they did nothing wrong. It’s hard to come forward and the feelings of guilt are strong for an abused child.
• Don’t play interrogator and fire questions at the child because it will only confuse them and make them feel as though you’re questioning the validity of their claims of abuse.
• Remain as calm as you can.
• Make sure that the child is safe. Do not put yourself or that child at risk. Alert the professionals to the abuse.

Child Abuse Hotlines:

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (US, its territories, and Canada)

National Youth Crisis Hotline – 1-800-HIT-HOME

For Parents: 1-855-4-A-PARENT

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children at 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678).

Canadian Child Abuse Hotlines:

Child Abuse Prevention: 310-1234 (no area code needed)

Child Abuse Resources For Parents:

National Parent Helpline Resources and an anonymous helpline staffed by volunteers to help foster emotional support for parents and build stronger families.

Parents Anonymous is a child abuse prevention organization dedicated to supporting families creating strong communities and safe homes for all children.

Abuse Lawsuit.com – We provide legal support and advocacy for survivors of institutionalized sexual abuse. No amount of legal recourse can reverse the pain and damages brought on by sexual abuse, but we believe survivors deserve compensation for the physical and emotional damages wrought by abuse of power.

Professional Resources for Child Abuse:

Nurse-Family Partnership – a voluntary, free maternal and childhood health program, Nurse-Family Partnership gives first-time moms valuable knowledge and support throughout pregnancy and until their babies reach two years of age. Partnering first-time moms with caring nurse home visitors empowers these mothers to confidently create a better life for their children and themselves.

Darkness to Light – nationally available program proven to increase knowledge, improve attitudes and change child protective behaviors. This site also has a list of state-by-state resources.

National Children’s Alliance: is a professional membership organization dedicated to helping local communities respond to allegations of child abuse in ways that are effective and efficient – and put the needs of child victims first.

For Victims of Child Abuse:

Childhelp – dedicated to preventing and treating child abuse. If you are being abused, know that no one has the right to do this to you. Please call the hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD, then press one. The hotline is confidential which means you don’t have to tell them who you are. It is also free, so no one will see the number on your phone bill.

This hotline is staffed by degreed, professional counselors who are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. All calls are anonymous and toll-free. Use this number if you know or suspect a child is being abused; if you are a child who is being abused; of if you abuse or fear you may abuse your children

Page last audited 7/2018

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 7, 2018

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is severe anxiety disorder that may develop as a result of exposure to a terribly frightening, life-threatening, or otherwise highly unsafe experience (i.e. trauma). This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or someone else. It could be a sexual or physical assault, unexpected death of a loved one, an accident, war or a natural disaster. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a lasting consequence of such stressful ordeals.

Many people who have experienced such traumatic events will have reactions that include anger, shock, fear, guilt, and nervousness. These reactions are common and dissipate over time. However, for someone suffering from PTSD, these feelings increase and often become so strong that they prevent the person from living a normal life.

Who Gets Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Everyone handles traumatic events differently – just as each person handles fears, threats and stresses in a unique way. That means that not every person who witnesses or experiences a traumatic event will develop post-traumatic stress syndrome. Also, the support and help a person receives following the traumatic event influences the development of PTSD and the severity of symptoms of the disorder.

While PTSD was once known as something that happened to war veterans, it is now known that post-traumatic stress disorder can occur in anyone following a stressful event. The likelihood for developing PTSD depends upon many things, including:

• The intensity of the trauma and how long it lasted
• If you lost someone close to you
• How close you were to the event
• The strength of your reaction
• How in control you felt about the traumatic event
• The amount of help and support you got after the traumatic event

What Are The Risk Factors For Developing PTSD?

There are risk factors for developing PTSD, though. They include:

• Those who have had previously traumatic experiences – especially in early life.
• Those who have a history of physical, sexual or substance abuse.
• Those who have a history of mental illness, including depression and anxiety.
• Those who have a lack of support after trauma.
• Traumatic events are more likely to cause PTSD if they involve a severe threat to one’s life or personal safety – the more prolonged and extreme, the greater the risk for development of PTSD.
• Those who have suffered childhood abuse are at greater risk for development of post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Victims of physical and/or sexual trauma face the greatest risk for development of PTSD.

What Are The Symptoms of PTSD?

Symptoms of PTSD often begin within three months of the traumatic event, although they can take years to surface. The severity and duration of post-traumatic stress disorder varies from person to person – some recover within six months while others suffer many years.

PTSD can negatively impact everyday functioning at work and at home, as it often disrupts the normal course of a person’s day and makes it difficult to sleep, eat, or focus on a task.

The symptoms of PTSD are grouped into four categories:

Reliving: PTSD sufferers re-experience the stressful or traumatic event in some way. These can include thoughts and memories of the trauma, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks. Someone with PTSD may also feel distress when they are reminded of the trauma, such as an anniversary of the event.

Avoidance: People who have PTSD may avoid places, people, or other things that remind them of the event or trauma. This may lead to feelings of detachment and isolation from loved ones and friends, as well as a general loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities.

Increased Arousal: People who have post-traumatic stress disorder may become exquisitely sensitive to normal life experiences. This is also known as hyper-arousal. Symptoms of hyper-arousal may include being easily startled, emotional outbursts, difficulty concentrating, increased blood pressure, muscle tension, and/or nausea and vomiting.

Feeling Emotionally Numb: It may be very hard for someone who experiences PTSD to express and feel their emotions. This is a way to cope with memories, but can feel very discomfiting for both the person with PTSD and their loved ones.

Other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder include:

• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Problems holding a job
• Relationship troubles, including divorce and domestic violence
• Feelings of hopelessness, shame or despair.

Can Kids Have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Anyone at any age can develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Their symptoms may be similar to those listed above or can be different. Older children experience symptoms similar to adults. Here are some other symptoms children with PTSD may have:

• Young children may have trouble being separated from parents or caregivers
• Children may have trouble sleeping
• Previously toilet-trained children may suddenly start having accidents or have difficulty using the bathroom.
• Children ages 6-9 may act out the traumatic event through drawings, stories and play. They may also develop anxieties or fears that do not seem to be related to the traumatic event.

Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Common?

PTSD is more common than once believed. It’s estimated that about 5.2 American adults suffer from PTSD each year, and 7.8 Americans will suffer it at some point in their lifetime.

PTSD can develop at any age – including childhood.

Women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, although that may be due to the fact that women are more likely to be the victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and rape than men.

How is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Diagnosed?

If the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder are present, a complete medical history and physical exam will be performed. If no physical illness is found, a general family practitioner will refer the patient to a mental health professional for a more thorough examination.

A mental health professional will perform a specially designed interview to ascertain whether PTSD is present and how severe the symptoms may be. From there, the therapist and person with PTSD can work together to develop a treatment plan to work on managing the symptoms of the disorder.

How is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treated?

The goal of treatment for PTSD is to reduce the physical and emotional symptoms, improve daily functioning and help the person better cope with the event that triggered the disorder. Treatment for PTSD often involves therapy, medication or both.

Medication – Often, those who have PTSD are prescribed antidepressants to control the feelings of anxiety associated with the disorder. Other medications that may be prescribed are mood stabilizers and tranquilizers.

Therapy – Therapy teaches a person who has PTSD to learn skills to manage symptoms of the disorder and learn to cope with the event and fears that triggered the disorder.

Coping With Specific Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms:

PTSD has very specific and very debilitating symptoms. Here are some ways to cope with these symptoms:

Intrusive memories, thoughts or images:

• Remind yourself that they’re just memories.
• Remember that while these can be overwhelming, the reminders often dissipate over time.
• Remind yourself that it’s normal to have memories of the traumatic event.
• Talk about these things with someone that you trust.

Sudden feelings of panic or anxiety:

PTSD often leaves us with our hearts pounding, feeling light-headed or spacey (often called by quick breathing.) If this is something that happens, remember:

• These reactions aren’t dangerous – you wouldn’t notice if you had them while exercising.
• These feelings may come with scary thoughts, which is what may make them so upsetting. These scary thoughts are not true.
• Try to slow down your breathing.
• These awful sensations will pass.

Difficulty concentrating or focusing:

• Slow down – give yourself time to focus upon what it is you need to do.
• Make “to-do” lists every day.
• Break big tasks into smaller doable chunks.
• Plan a realistic amount of tasks to do in a day.
• You may be suffering depression – if so, talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

Trouble feeling or expressing positive emotions.

• Remind yourself that this is a common reaction to trauma, not something you’re doing on purpose.
• Don’t feel guilty for something you can’t control.
• Continue engaging in activities you like or used to like. Even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it now, once you get into it, you may find yourself feeling pleasurable feelings.
• Take really small steps to tell your loved ones you care – write a card, leave a gift, send an email, call them to say hi.

Flashbacks:

• Keep your eyes open – look around and see, really see where you are.
• Talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re here, that you’re safe. The trauma is long-since over and you are in the present.
• Get up and move around. Take a drink of water or wash your hands. Interrupt the flashbacks with movements.
• Call someone you trust and tell them that you’re experiencing a flashback.

Irritability, anger and rage:

• Before reacting, take a time out to cool off and think.
• Walk away from the situation.
• Exercise every day – exercise reduces tension and relieves stress.
• Talk to your doctor about your anger.
• Take anger management classes.
• If you blow up at family or friends, find time to talk to them and explain what happened and what you are doing to cope with it.

Nightmares about the trauma:

• If you wake from a nightmare in a panic, remind yourself you’re reacting to a dream. The DREAM is responsible for the panic, not any current danger.
• Get out of bed, regroup, and orient yourself to the present.
• Try a pleasant and calming activity like taking a bath or listening to soothing music.
• If someone is awake, talk to them.
• Tell your doctor that you’re having nightmares.

Difficulty falling or staying asleep:

• Keep a regular bedtime schedule and routine.
• Avoid heavy exercise for a few hours before bed.
• Use your bed only for sex and sleeping.
• Don’t use alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine – these hurt your ability to sleep.
• Don’t lie there in bed thinking or worrying. If you can’t sleep, get up and do something quiet like drinking herbal tea, or warm milk. Read a book or do something else quietly.

How Do I Manage PTSD At Home?

Recovering from PTSD is a gradual, ongoing process that can take many months or years. The memories of the trauma will never disappear completely, although in time they will become manageable. Here are some ways to cope with residual complications from PTSD:

Recovery – Remember that recovery is a process, not an event, that happens gradually. Having an ongoing response to stress is normal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the event or removing all pain while thinking about the event – healing means learning to cope with the symptoms.

Learn – learning about trauma and PTSD in response to a traumatic event as well as some common signs and symptoms may help you to realize you’re not alone, weak or crazy. It helps to know your problem is something shared by many, many others.

Relax – sometimes, relaxation techniques can be helpful for people with PTSD. These activities include: muscle relaxation exercises, breathing exercises, meditation, prayer, spending time in nature, yoga, listening to quiet music. In others, however, these may increase distress at first. If that happens, simply try relaxation techniques for smaller periods of time, or mix them with other activities like listening to music or walking.

Don’t Isolate – The urge to pull back and isolate is very strong in those who have PTSD. It’s easy to feel disconnected to everyone around you, withdrawing from loved ones and social activities. It’s very important to have support from others while you recover, so resist the urge to isolate.

Join a Support Group – find a support group for people who have experienced similar types of trauma in your area. Being around people who understand what you are going through is priceless when it comes to recovery. It can remind you that you are not alone and provide you with invaluable information and tools for making a recovery from PTSD. If there are no local support groups, try online.

Don’t Self-Medicate – While you’re struggling with traumatic memories and painful emotions, the urge to use alcohol and drugs can be overwhelming. It’s a temporary fix. And unfortunately, these substances worsen PTSD in the long run, as they worsen symptoms like emotional numbing, social isolation, anger and depression.

Overcome Helplessness – trauma leaves you feeling vulnerable and powerless. It’s easy to forget that you do, in fact, have both coping skills and strengths. One of the best ways to overcome these feelings is to help other people. Donate time, money, help friends, or take other positive action. Taking positive action directly refutes the feelings of helplessness common in PTSD.

How Do I Help A Loved One With PTSD?

Be Patient and Understanding – Recovery from PTSD takes time – even if a person is actively trying to get better. Be patient with the pace (slow as it may be) and offer a kind ear. Someone with PTSD may need to talk about their trauma over and over – this is part of the healing, and while it can be frustrating to hear, don’t tell your loved one to “move on,” or “stop talking about it.”

Don’t Pressure – Sometimes, it can be very hard for someone with PTSD to talk about their trauma. For some people, it may make the situation worse. So never, ever force someone into discussing their trauma. Simply let them know that you are there if they’d like to talk.

Try to Prepare for PTSD Triggers – many people who have PTSD will have triggers around the anniversary of the trauma, certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you’re aware of what these triggers are, you can offer support and help to calm your loved one.

Don’t Take It Personally – Some of the more common PTSD symptoms can hurt your feelings. These may include anger, withdrawal, and isolation. If your loved one seems distant or irritable, remember this probably has nothing to do with you.

Be There – sometimes the biggest help for someone who is suffering from PTSD is to have a partner, friend, or other loved one simply be there for them. Do simple favors. Offer unconditional love. Don’t push. Simply be there for them.

It’s Not “In Their Head” – being the partner of someone with an invisible illness can be very stressful. You may wonder why they don’t just “get over it.” The thing is – PTSD is a real illness, and your loved one may already feel as though they’re going crazy. Don’t add to it by making your partner feel badly for having these emotions or guilt them for “not getting over it.” It’s not as simple as that.

Help Yourself – if handling the flashbacks, the anxiety, the numbing, and the rest of the PTSD symptoms are becoming too stressful for you, seek help for yourself. No one ever said you had to go through this alone. Seeing a therapist or attending a support group yourself can ease the burden tremendously.

What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Repeated traumatic events (such as long-term abuse) can result in what is known as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (it may also be called Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified or DES-NOS).

The current PTSD diagnosis doesn’t quite capture the severe psychological harm that occurs with prolonged, repeated trauma. Complex PTSD is somewhat different from typical PTSD as repeated traumas can cause the individual to question their own self-concept and alter adaptive abilities; in other words, the individual’s ability to distinguish between safety and danger is compromised. There is talk of adding Complex PTSD, with new criteria, to the DSM-IV.

According to the National Center for PTSD, symptoms of Complex PTSD may include:

Changes in emotions and the ability to regulate them. May include persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger.

Changes in consciousness. Includes forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one’s mental processes or body.

Changes in how one thinks of themselves. May include helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings.

Changes in how the victim sees the perpetrator of the trauma. Examples include attributing total power to the perpetrator, becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, or preoccupied with revenge.

Changes in interpersonal relationships. Examples include isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer.

Changes in one’s system of values and meanings. May include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder During The Holidays:

People suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may have a more difficult time during the holidays for any number of reasons:

PTSD sufferers can suffer setbacks at the anniversary or during the season the anniversary of the traumatic event occurred. For example, if someone has PTSD because of being molested by a family member during the holidays, the holiday season may bring back the memories and make it difficult to relax and enjoy the holiday. If a veteran remembers spending a horrible holiday seeing other members of their unit killed, the holiday season may be difficult to make it through. Sometimes, those suffering from PTSD do not understand why or cannot explain why they are irritable or cannot enjoy the holidays.

Family members try to make the holiday special and may end up feeling angry instead when the person with PTSD is not willing or able to participate in holiday events.

Holidays and family functions can make the PTSD sufferer feel like an outsider. They may feel uncomfortable joining in the celebration and, as a result, end up feeling alone and isolated. Although family members may try to include the person with PTSD, if the event brings back memories or makes him or her uncomfortable, being pushed into participating can make the feelings of isolation even more uncomfortable.

PTSD sufferers may have survivor’s guilt. The traumatic event that caused the PTSD may be one in which other people perished. This may create guilt and cause them to wonder why he or she survived and others did not. Holidays may increase these feelings. Family members, with good intentions, can create even more guilt by either ignoring the situation or calling attention to it. The survivor must be able to grieve in his or her own way and family members must be respectful of that grief.

Large crowds or events with alcohol can be problems for people with PTSD. He or she may feel unsafe in places with many people or large crowds. Trips to the mall or large family gatherings may bring about such uncomfortable feelings the sufferer may instead avoid all situations that involve crowds.

People with PTSD have a larger chance than the general public of having problems with alcohol. Holiday parties often include alcoholic beverages and this may be a big problem, especially if triggers are around.

No matter what the reason, the holiday season is often difficult for people with PTSD, but there are a number of things they can do to help manage their PTSD during this holiday season:

Understand Your Triggers – Knowing what your triggers are and having techniques to cope with triggers can help you to make it through family gatherings or shopping trips.

Develop Coping Strategies– Anxiety coping techniques, such as deep breathing or removing yourself from the situation for a few minutes can help.

Prepare Yourself – Be prepared for situations that may come up. You may want to write down some of your coping strategies. When a stressful situation arises, you can take out your notes and use the strategies. Sometimes during a stressful situation, you can forget what helps. Having it written down can help calm you down.

Accept You may Need to Leave – If your anxiety becomes difficult or impossible to handle, excuse yourself and leave, even if just for a few minutes. Sometimes leaving for a few minutes may enable you to relax and return for the rest of the event. Other times, your anxiety may require you to leave the event. Whichever it may be, leaving is an option and those people that care about you will understand.

Prepare First – When accepting a social invitation, ask the host or hostess questions to help you be more prepared. How many people will be attending? Who will be attending? By knowing about the event, you can prepare yourself for possible triggers and knowing in advance can help you cope with the triggers.

Create a Support Network – Finding someone that understands and is willing to provide you with support is a wonderful feeling. Bring a friend with you to events you find to be scary or may contain triggers for PTSD. Knowing there is someone that understands what you are feeling and will be watching for signs of anxiety can help and make coping with the situation easier.

The holidays are a time of spirituality. No matter whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa, the meaning behind the holiday is love and peace. Family celebrations are meant to accentuate these feelings. However, holidays do not need to be celebrated only with family gatherings. Finding your own way to celebrate can make the holidays meaningful. Take time to volunteer at a local hospital or by providing food baskets to those that need them. Sometimes, reaching out to others that are in pain can help to relieve your own pain.

Additional Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Resources:

Anxiety Disorders Association of America – promotes the prevention, treatment, and cure of anxiety and stress-related disorders through advocacy, education, training, and research.

Sidran Institute  Traumatic Stress Education and Advocacy – non-profit organization that helps people understand, recover from and treat those who have PTSD, dissociative disorder, and disorders that coexist with those disorders.

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies – an international, interdisciplinary professional organization that promotes advancement and exchange of knowledge about traumatic stress. This knowledge includes understanding the scope and consequences of traumatic exposure, preventing traumatic events and ameliorating their consequences, and advocating for the field of traumatic stress.

The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – US Department of Veterans Affairs website. A wealth of information for families of veterans as well as anyone else who suffers from PTSD and/or related anxiety disorders.

Make The Connection – A support community run by the US Department of Veterans Affairs, geared towards helping connect military personnel with others who can help and resources to get them help with issues that arise upon coming home from a deployment.

Page last audited 10/2018