Dear Gay/Bi/Curious Teenage Prankster Who Is Being Bullied By Bullshit Bullies,
Chances are, you don’t know me from a hole in the ground. In fact, a hole in the ground may look more familiar than I do, but I am Your Aunt Becky, and while we may not actually be related by blood, I have adopted you along with the rest of the Internet. It’s okay. Don’t worry. When I show up to your house for some family gathering and get rowdy and drunk and sing God Save The Queen, I’ll distract your parents so you can sneak some rum into your eggnog, okay?
Anyway, I hate to bother you with a boring letter since you kids like your text messages but what I have to say is important and I hope that you listen to it. Or parts of it. Tune out what doesn’t matter to you, but please, listen to at least a little bit of it. I may not be particularly smart, but I have lived about twenty different lives, so I’ve picked up some insight along the way.
Your teenage years are not the best years of your life.
What seems like a permanent and dire situation now, the things that make you hurt and ache inside, those things will stay with you, but the hurts and the aches, those subside over time. These are the things that will fortify you. They will strengthen you and they will make you a better person. Eventually.
I know that it seems like there is no other way out, believe me, I’ve felt that way before too. I’m willing to bet that most of the people who are reading this column right now have felt this way at some point as well. Maybe it’s not the same. Maybe we cannot understand precisely how you feel because we are not you. But even when things seem so bleak and so empty, even when all that you feel is a deep chasm of pain, it will pass. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, but it will pass.
Things will get better.
Physically, my heart hurts when I see statistics like sexual minority youth are bullied two to three times more than heterosexual youths. In our lifetime, (yes, I am using the royal “our” because I am rightly assuming that you will be around to make fun of my obsession with bacon for a good long while) I would be willing to bet that this number will drop as bullying is taken more seriously by schools and parents alike. Certainly, that does not help you right at this very moment, as you are hurting from the devastating effects of verbal, emotional and even perhaps physical abuse, I know that. Let every unkind word, every insult, every horrible slur thrown at you strengthen your resolve to help the next generation.
You know that you must be part of the change the next generation of children who will grow up to be in your shoes some day. You can and you will.
These are not the best years of your life.
The best years of your life are yet to come. The years ahead of you will be long and they will be beautiful and they will be brimming with love. The suffering that you have withstood at the hands of cruel bullies and those who do not understand you will leave the sorts of scars that may never be visible to anyone but those who know you best. Those silent scars will only serve to help you as you can turn all of your pain and channel it into something greater, something positive. There is a whole world out there beyond your high school, beyond your small-minded town who will welcome you with wide arms, who will love you as you are, and who will accept you simply for being you.
It’s hard to remember all of this, I know, because even now, at age thirty, my high school years winking merrily in my rear view mirror, I struggle to remind myself that it’s not the end of things when I have a bad day. I have to take a breath and remind myself that it’s not going to break me when I’m bullied by someone. The days when I get harassed simply for being me aren’t bad days at all; because they make me stronger. Sometimes, I have to take a step back from the situation, let all of that hatred flung in my face wash over me and and allow it to strengthen my resolve to do more good.
These horrible bleak days are going to make the rest of your life that much better.
I want you to know that somewhere, Your anonymous Aunt Becky is rooting for you, kid, and she loves you dearly. You’ll learn that the world is a good place. High school may not always be, but the world is. I’m sorry that things have to be so hard for you and trust me, if I could take on those bullies, I would do it in a second (don’t doubt me on this). I have a loyal Prankster Army who’d back me up. Bullies are bullshit. No, let me rephrase that: bullies are FUCKING bullshit, and you don’t deserve the suffering they’re causing you.
There’s a big world out here, kid, and we can’t wait to meet you. Please remember that high school is temporary and the rest of your life, well, it’s wide open. We can’t wait to see what you’re going to do with it.
Please, do not give up hope. There is always hope.
If you’d like to talk to someone from the Trevor Project, here is the Phone Number: 866-4-U-TREVOR
And, loves, you know where to find me.
Much Love,
Your Aunt Becky
Thanks Becky… my 30 year old self needed a reminder of this too. It gets so much better. Infinitely, superbly, amazingly better.
I wish I had had something like this to read when I was 13. I am thankful that people are able to read it now. I’ll send my daughter over to read her Aunt Becky in about 11 years when she’s in Jr. High. 🙂
Anyway…. thank you
Anyone fucks with your daughter in 11 years, you come get me. I’ll cut ‘em.
And things always get better. Always.
Becky, That was beautiful my dear. You have a way with the words…Brought tears to my eyes, reading this, as I thought back to my own middle and high school days. I wasn’t gay or bi-sexual, but I think that time is hard in everyone’s life in some way or another. Thanks Becky 🙂
Sarah
Middle School was bullshit. High School was fine, but I was always friends with everyone. So, I never had issues. But it’s not okay. And it’s time that we raised our voices and spoke out against it. We have to help. Somehow.
That. Was. Beautiful. Thanks, Aunt Becky, for once again proving you are pure awesomeness! I think teens need to be reminded of this every day. I know I was bullied horribly in high school. It was so bad that between that and the mental abuse from my mom at home, I quit school and went out on my own before I was even 16. I only hope that kids out there now will choose to talk to someone, anyone that they trust. Bullies ARE bullshit, and here’s hoping that one day they will no longer be able to spew their venom on anyone anymore!
I really, really hope that we can help the people who need it. Any suggestions, I’m all ears. Well not ALL ears. But you know
Just another reason why we love you Aunt Becky! Beautifully written and I wholeheartedly agree!
Thank you, love.
Thank you for saying this Aunt Becky. You are welcome at my raucous family gathering any time. Just don’t mind the nice Italian people getting you hammered on red wine while over feeding you.
I’d be honored to join you. Bring it on!
Brilliantly said my friend!
Thank you for reading!
This is so amazing. may it reach those who need it most as it reached me. xo to you & all our prankster nieces & nephews!!!
I love you too.
I really, really, really hope it reaches those who need it. Maybe I should link to it on Mommy Wants Vodka, too? What do you think?
It bears repeating again and again:
“Your teenage years are not the best years of your life. The best years of your life are yet to come.”
Beautiful, Becky.
so.flippin.true. reasons why we as your pranksters back you up.
Pranksters know how to back up bullshit. Period.
I love you! Damn right, bullies are fucking bullshit!
Ah! They are absolutely not the best years! You’re legally a minor, how much fun can a minor have?! But seriously, if you need an adult, an adultier adult, the kind that you can talk to about confusing stuff or to get virtual mom hugs from, let me know. I love hugs!
P.S.
There is no wrong way to love. Except if it’s nonconsensual love. That’s not love, that’s rape.