I’m so sorry your mom and dad are splitting up. It’s a hard time in your life and will kick off other hard times to follow. I’m sorry for that. I know at four and five you don’t really understand what’s going on. You just know that for some reason Daddy is sleeping at our house and for the most part, you’re not. I’m glad Daddy is trying as hard as he is to stay connected to you. I know he misses tucking you in at night, but I also know it’s making the nights he does get to tuck you in that much more precious. And I know Mommy is doing her best to keep things together.
But enough about them…this is about you and the lessons I learned when I wasn’t much older than you.
#1 – This is not your fault. I know Mommy and Daddy have told you this already, but listen to your MaeMae because I know. Your job in life is to learn and grow and play and be kids. Grown-ups have other things to do and sometimes this means you get hurt in the process. I’m sorry. There’s really no way around that. But I know they’re trying to do the best they can to be better people and right now that means they need to not be together. There was nothing I could have done to keep my Mommy and Daddy from divorcing. There was nothing Daddy could have done to keep Grumpy and BeBe from divorcing.
#2 – Even though it’s not your fault and you did absolutely nothing wrong…it still hurts. And you’re going to get mad and get sad and miss Daddy and have a whole bunch of other feelings. It’s okay. Tell Mommy and Daddy about it. Tell me and Grumpy. Tell Nana and Papa. We’ll listen. We’ll hug you. And we’ll love you no matter what you’re feeling.
#3 – This is especially for you N. It’s not your job to help Mommy. It’s not your job to help her figure out what to do. It’s not your job to worry. You’re 5 years old. Your job is Kindergarten. Your job is practicing tying your shoes and figuring out how you want your face painted on Pep Rally day. Enjoy being 5. It’s a fun age. You still get to take naps at school. Trust me, when you get to be 25 like you so want to do and you have kids and a job and a husband and bills and taxes and all of the stuff grownups have….you’ll wish you were 5 again. So please stop trying to be a grown-up and go play with your sister and have fun.
#4 – K, you just keep being you. With your smiles and giggles and scribbles. I know Mommy really wants you to practice your letters, but scribbles are important too. And I know that your smiles and giggles and hugs make everybody you know feel better. But it’s okay to be sad, too. We love you no matter what. And don’t stop playing games with your Grumpy. He loves every minute of it.
And most importantly of all. No matter what happens between Mommy and Daddy. When they tell you they love you, they mean it. When they tell you it’s not your fault, they mean it. And please know, they’ve always done the best they could with the tools they had.