I’ve been tottering on the edge of the deep abyss for a long time now. Too long… back before I married again and back when I was a complete person. For that millisecond of time before I messed it all up again. Before I lost the best job I ever had. Before my second husband became such a problem for me – such a hurdle that I just couldn’t overcome. Before my daughter had surgery. Before I started relying on my parents to give me money to pay the bills.
But today it’s a little lighter. And it was a lighter day yesterday too. The only thing I can attribute it to is laughter. And finding blogs that make me laugh and make me want to be a part of this online world of people who I might actually be able to relate to and who might actually understand what I’ve been going through.
I’m still struggling with financial stuffs. I’m still taking money from my parents every month. I’m still taking my medications and still underemployed and terrified that the future looks just like today or worse. But because I laughed so hard I cried. And then I laughed with my daughter and we danced together and laughed some more. And because I had a lighter day yesterday and again today, I think I might have found a little bit of hope lurking out there. I think I might have found that iota of strength I needed to find to keep trying tomorrow.
And that feels good enough for today.