G., my five-year old, has weekly therapy sessions. Right now we’re using therapy to help manage his ADHD symptoms but I’m also hoping that it’s able to help with his inability to express his feelings or relate to other children. My husband recently sent me an e-mail mentioning that G. asked when N., my two-year old, was going to start going to therapy.
G. doesn’t know that he’s different. I hope that he never does. We’re taking the necessary steps to help him at an early age. But it is hard. It’s hard having a child that behaves and reacts to things in a way that I don’t understand. I know that some of it, of course, is his age, but a lot of it has to do with ADHD.
T-ball is a prime example. Yes, I know. They are five. Attention spans aren’t exactly what your average five-year-old is known for. But when his team is on the field, the other little boys watch the ball and chase after it while G. lets it roll on by because he’s staring at the sky…or picking grass…or laying flat on his back in the outfield.
I’m the type of person who likes routine. I want things to go the way they’re supposed to go and get stressed or anxious when they do not. I realize that is my issue, and I’m working on it.
Routine does not work well with G. Requests with multiple steps do not work with G. Trying to get him to focus on anything for more than a few minutes does not work with G.
I know how swimming lessons and gym class have gone. I know how he has responded to soccer and T-ball. School is still a bit of a mystery to me. I know he’s a sweet and charming child and I know that he does well with women he likes. I also know that Kindergarten is packed with activities which means that the kids are never at any activity for too long, although the lessons of the day are repeated throughout, just in different ways. So it’s probably ideal for him.
But still, I worry. I worry that he can’t tell me the names of any of the students in his class. I worry that he’s not learning what he needs to be learning. I worry that Kindergarten may be the easy part, and next year first grade is going to throw us for a loop. I worry because that’s what I do, but also because of who he is. I’ve been worried about school from the first day I suspected that he had ADHD.
I worry because I watched my brother grow up with ADHD, and I watched him struggle. Things like school and making friends were so much harder for him. My brother is doing fantastically now. He’s working on his Master’s Degree. He’s in a career suited to his interests and personality. And he is still best friends with his best friends from fourth grade. One of whom was the best man at his wedding.
I know that I am not alone. I know there are other parents out there dealing with the same issues with their children.
On the bad days, however, it doesn’t make it any easier.
December 15, 2010 at 8:08 am
You are definitely not alone! And the worry you feel now is what is going to fuel your fight for you precious child as he works his way through the school system. The worry is a good thing when you look at it this way. Don’t consider it a negative thing, look at it as a motivator! My daughter is about to finish elementary school and I’m scared to death for her to start middle school after spending so much time dealing with teachers and staff. But the worry I have will help make sure I’m involved and motivated to make sure when we meet her new teachers next year, her progress will stay on track. You are not alone and even though we don’t know each other, we share this worry and wear it proudly. You’re officially apart of this band. Big hugs to you!!
December 15th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Thank you so much. It can be so hard sometimes. Especially when I have people in my life who don’t seem to agree with his diagnosis. And it baffles me. I was told by his teacher that she doesn’t think he shows signs of ADHD and I don’t understand where she’s coming from. I’ve seen him in his class, he may not be disruptive (usually), but his behavior is definitely not developmentally appropriate. Neither are some of his speech patterns, and he’s on the path to start speech therapy. However, the worst is that my MIL does not support his diagnosis, and they have a very close relationship. Yet, she describes him as having too much energy and getting bored quickly.
I am so glad I found this Band. It is a wonderful place.
ohh the dreaded family member’s ignorant judgements.. I know this all too well. They think all she/he needs is a little tough love in order to make them “act right”. While frustrating, and often times relationship ending, their words are simply ignorant. They don’t know what they are talking about. You are his expert. They love him and come from a good place with good intentions but their words can be very hurtful when they are questioning your mothering skills. That HURTS. May I suggest a book for you, it has really helped me put things in perspective. It’s called “Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid”. here is the link- http://www.amazon.com/Shut-About-Your-Perfect-Kid/dp/0307587487/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292598982&sr=1-1
Good luck to you and just remember there are people out there who understand what you are going through!
Unguided Missile says:
December 17, 2010 at 1:08 pm
You’re not alone. At all. And you’re doing everything right. I know that can’t make it all better, but that’s what’s helped me the most in dealing with my own different stepdaughter. You’re doing everything you can and you’re doing what’s right for you and your son.
March 25, 2011 at 8:40 am
Thanks for sharing. I too have a son who has been diagnosed with ADHD and cries at night because he doesn’t want to have to take medicine, he just wants to be normal. I am looking into the possibility of food allergies to see if this is the cause (or at least contributing to the cause) of his inattention.