I’m not sure where to start. I just know I need to get it out.
I think I’m living with an addict.
They have stolen thousands of dollars (money I was saving for a house down payment). They keep taking money out of our account and not paying it back like promised, thus leaving me to pull from what little savings we had to help us get through winter in order to keep the bills paid.
They are slowly draining me of our money and my soul.
I am obsessing over what they are doing; where they are going. I’m searching the house for stashes.
I found a box of baking soda and a burned spoon.
I found the missing (now empty) money pouch from when my kids were fundraising.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
I went to an Al-Anon meeting tonight. It was my first time. I didn’t share, or even speak.
It hurt so much that everything that was said was so relatable. That they’ve all been through this, felt this way. I didn’t even tell them anything. They told me I wasn’t crazy.
That hit me. Hard.
I think I’m living with an addict. And I don’t know what to do.
As an addict in recovery who is also married to an addict, i would say all of the signs are there. I applaud you for seeking out Al-Anon and encourage you to go back (even being there silently can be incredibly healing).
As far as what to do: I would encourage you to take some steps to protect yourself and your kids financially.Open a separate bank account and siphon what money you can (a percentage of your direct deposit if you have one, cash back everytime you go to a store or gas station. Whatever you think won’t be missed or that won’t raise eyebrows). This is your emergency fund for bills if needed, or a hotel room if shit hits the fan.
It’s not likely your addict considers him/herself such, yet. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do to force that realization. But what you’re describing definitely fits the pattern.Could you have a “money talk” where you simply point out that the money is missing, ask where it went and why you weren’t consulted about the spending?
For me, my first substance abuse evaluation was what convinced me I had a problem for the first time when I was HARD in denial. Can you find a way to encourage them to get one (to defer to the experts, to ease your mind, whatever reason you can think of)?
I don’t have all of the answers, but you are asking the right questions and starting in the right places. Al-Anon has been recommended for me in addition to my NA meetings for myself. I’m sending you love and support and if you ever need a friendly ear, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you will find a way to keep yourself & your children safe & stable. Sending you so much love.