Dear The Band,

I have a couple of questions about alcohol and the family.

My spouse recently divulged that they drink much more frequently than I was aware of. They’re drinking including drinking regularly at work, in a parked vehicle.

I’ve been concerned with their drinking for a couple years, but it seems they have also become concerned with their drinking now – they said they don’t feel they can just “cut back” on their alcohol intake.

They’ve never lost a job or been arrested, but they spend most of their waking hours at home drinking beer; I’m concerned about the effects it has on their health, our budget, and our family.

They are drinking or asleep or grumpy most of the time and they don’t seem to be enjoying any of it.

They aren’t interested in doing anything aside from drinking, working, or sleeping.

I know I have zero control over if they actually quit or get help.

We’ve been together for well over a decade and we have young kids.

My spouse is a wonderful fucking person – that’s why I married them, and I know they can recover from their addiction if they commit to it and get help, I’m just not sure if/when quitting is going to happen.

To be fair I drank a lot too, when we first met, but I quit binge drinking after college and only drink rarely or at social events.

Here are my questions:

Is it possible to have a healthy family life with a functional alcoholic?

How do I help my spouse and not become codependent?