Sometimes we all need a little bit of advice now and then. Do you have a burning question you’d like to ask us?
Do it! Ask the band.
The Band, I’m in a terrible funk right now.
I’m having some kind of weird mid-life crisis, though I don’t know if being just shy of thirty counts as “mid.” Either way, my main problem is that I just want to be left the hell alone. Of course, wanting to be left alone and actually being left alone are two completely different things, and the sad truth is that I will never be left alone.
It’s not due to the bipolar depression, although I know damn well it’s a contributing factor on my worse days; it’s simply because I’m tired. I’m tired of going through the motions of my daily life, getting up early to tend to all manner of things. I’m tired of everyone in my household demanding something from me at all times, whether it’s my daughters, who want/need all of my attention since they are both so young, or my husband wanting to constantly have sex, or even the damn cat for bitching about not having food even though his food bowl is completely full. (The cat is an idiot.)
I have no friends – all of them live in a different state because we moved away 2 years ago in order for my husband to pursue a new job opportunity. We have family not too far from us, but we barely see them as it is, so they wouldn’t dare step in and watch the kids in order for me to get the hell away for a little while.
A few days ago, one of my friends told me to come visit her so we could go on a bender, and to be honest, I would fucking LOVE to! It would be an opportunity to get away and have some fun for once, since all of my hobbies have gone to shit since becoming a stay-at home-mum five years ago. However, even if we still lived close by, that bender would never happen because my husband, while a great guy, is insecure as fuck, and at times errs on the possessive side of things. He would be paranoid about me cheating on him even though I’ve been a million percent faithful.
Pretty much all of my time I try to reach some semblance of reprieve by burying myself in my laptop: reading the news, blogs, messaging friends or (my secret shame) reading and writing fan fiction. (Now The Band knows my horrible secret!) Sometimes I listen to music. Music is a major way for me to unwind, and the advent of Spotify has been very useful since I can listen to stuff that I’m too cheap to purchase via iTunes. My husband thinks that I have some kind of bizarre internet addiction, but that’s so far from the truth.
I know this is a form of escapism.
I’m grumpy, I’m exhausted, and I’m just flat-out sick of everything.
This is my dilemma. I just want my family to back the shit off, but at the same time, it makes me feel like a terrible person. I don’t want to play with the kids. I don’t want to engage in “sexy time.” I don’t want to do the goddamn laundry or feed the goddamn cat.
Jan. 6, 2012, 4:06 p.m. 20423
I absolutely could have written this post. I’ve been in the same place for about a year, so I don’t have any great advice or help…but I want you to know that you are not alone.
Brave Betsy says…
Jan. 6, 2012, 4:19 p.m. 20424
While I get your wishes. There will come a time when your children will be gone and your husband will not want sex as often or is unable save for the drugs they have out there. I wish I had embraced my time with my kids, and because of my mental disorders want nothing to do with me. Be grateful that you have all of these things. Time changes everything. Including the whinning of the kids and husband. And then there is silence. Empty soul empting silence. Be grateful for the noise, the demands and the cat, because everything comes to an end. If I could trade you I would.
Jan. 6, 2012, 4:44 p.m. 20425
Me to. I dream about going to a hotel and just being alone and sleeping for 2 days.
Jan. 6, 2012, 4:56 p.m. 20426
I mentally write these words everyday. I swear I’m going to found the Leave Me The Fuck Alone government on a hidden island. Hang in there. The Band will back you up!!! Now drop some lead vocals!!!!!!!!!
Jan. 6, 2012, 5:06 p.m. 20427
I so understand!!! I dream of running away for a night or two, as well. AndKJ, I would like to help out in that government as long as it doesn’t *need* anything from me! 😉
Jan. 6, 2012, 5:06 p.m. 20428
Me too. I love my husband and kids, BUT. I just keep telling myself the kids won’t be little forever and I’ll miss them when they’re not around. I keep threatening to go out for cigarettes!
Jan. 6, 2012, 5:54 p.m. 20430
I too could have written this. Perhaps a Leave Me the Fuck Alone (LMtFA) t-shirt is necessary!!! Seriously, though, I hope that things improve…you are not alone. Come here often.
Jan. 6, 2012, 7:21 p.m. 20433
You are so not alone…in fact I think moms who don’t ever feel that way are NOT NORMAL. I’m wondering if you can look for a local MOMS group to get you out during the day to do some things with other grown women and give your kids someone to entertain them besides you. Just a thought. LMTFA tee-shirts sound awesome.
Jan. 6, 2012, 8:55 p.m. 20437
The best thing I ever did for myself when I had a kid at home during the day was to get a sitter once a week. Even for just a few hours so I could do anything I wanted. Go get a pedicure, sit in the park and read a book, go grocery shopping, anything I felt like doing for those couple of hours. Moms need a break, too. The Band is always here if you need an ear to listen.
Jan. 7, 2012, 10:30 a.m. 20452
I think you’re really isolated with just family, right now, and are definitely overwhelmed. The ladies are right, this will pass and you’ll miss these years BUT you don’t have to keep yourself isolated. One of the reasons churches exist is to bring friends into your life and fill the temporal as well as the spiritual needs. If not a church, find at least one organization that’s for you. As for his thinking you’re cheating — turn the tables. Tell him that he must be cheating because he assumes you would and is trying to deflect you from his actions. (More often than not, people accuse you of things they do, themselves.) These are hard years but well worth it.
Jan. 7, 2012, 4:23 p.m. 20462
I want to be on an island, alone, with beer & trashy magazines.
Jan. 7, 2012, 5:18 p.m. 20466
We all feel this way – a lot. I can tell you – from the far side of this since my son is 21 – it sucks. Its exhausting and frustrating and so stressful. I am a single mom who lives out of state from family. Its hard. but it will be over. Hang in there. Get out, a hobby, a play group, a book club. Get an hour to yourself to read a book or play solitaire or take a walk. You aren’t a bad parent or person. You’re tired.
I can relate. I’ve been a stay at home mom for about 5 years and it can be very isolating and totally exhausting. Sometimes you gotta forget the damn dishes and do something for yourself. I hope you get to soon!
Sounds like you need some down time. Weather it’s going out with your friend or reading fan fiction in a quiet coffee shop- I hope you take time to do something that restores you.
You might consider finding a shrink. If you don’t have the money for one, local colleges often have grad students that will counsel for real cheap/free. Most states also have a mental health program. Some will refer you to a psychiatrist, some will refer you to a group therapy program. Again, cheap/free.