Being broke sucks!
I know a whole lot of people who say they are broke and in their own way, I guess they are. But I get angry and bitter because they still have money to buy stuff. I guess I shouldn’t judge, they could be way overextended on credit cards or whatever, but I still get mad. When my aunt tells me she is so broke that she has to sign up for Toys for Tots and then goes and buys a new wardrobe for her daughter, it really pisses me off.
I am so broke. My phone is shut off. My car is about to get repossessed (I had to take out a title loan to pay the rent), the gas and lights will be turned off any day. Rent is due next week and there’s not enough to pay that either. Christmas just isn’t going to happen at this point. I did sign up for Toys for Tots and they are a God-send.
My child support stopped. My ex lost his job because he is stupid, but that is a whole other story. I don’t get any type of support for my 2 year old. He takes her on weekends and that does help a lot, but having to buy diapers and stuff is just too much by myself, especially because I don’t have a job. I have had jobs but because of bad things that have happened, when I work I have panic attacks thinking about my kids without me. I do work part-time at a friend’s daycare, but $25 a week doesn’t do a whole lot.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I am drowning. No money coming in and way too much going out. I am in the dark and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I want to cry and scream and yell and tell everyone how bad it is over here. I am so embarrassed. I am 30! I have NOTHING to show for what I do or what I have done. I don’t know how to fix it.
Being broke sucks! It is draining trying to decide what to pay – what is important and what isn’t.
Heat or food?
A roof or a car?
These are decisions no one should have to make…