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Thoughts

Look at me, tear your eyes away from the screen. Just for a day, understand why I’m upset when you say you’re going to bed.

Weekends? They come and go, with you sitting there, asking me to play with you, sit with you, talk to you.

I don’t want to anymore.

I keep thinking how I want time with you, how I craved you when we were states apart, for so long. Now we’re here, and we don’t even spend the weekends together. Sometimes you come to me, and you leave. Desperate to play.

You don’t see this, but I do. And I feel like it’s wrong for me to feel this way. I refuse to nag any longer, or mention it.

It’s created a distance and loneliness I can’t describe.

I wish you’d understand, I wish I could also understand.

If I ignore it, it doesn’t matter or hurt, but some nights, it’s very clear that you prefer a Saturday night playing online with strangers than with your wife talking, cuddling, and maybe watching a movie.

When was the last time we watched a movie together?

I don’t pressure. I wont complain, you’re not a bad husband.

But some nights like this, it hurts to realize that we don’t spend time together unless I sit beside you while you play. That sometimes I have to pick up a game to be near you. Please, stop saying that I’m avoiding you if I am not sitting next to you.

Sometimes, I am uncomfortable with the situation. How we talk, and you game, looking at the screen instead of me. Us spending time together is basically on your terms, but you don’t realize this.

It hurts to realize that tonight we have been in the same house, but in two different rooms, only because I don’t want to sit on the couch while you play away the night.

I know we met on a game, but please, realize our relationship has moved past video games. We have a family to care for, we have each other.

Why don’t you approach me to stay, to do something else, like watching a movie? Why don’t we spend time together like the couples on the street do? Talking, walking, sitting outside to look out and cuddle. Why don’t we do something outside of watching what you want to watch, and playing video games?

But I wont mention this to you anymore, the times I’ve tried, it’s only made it worse.

I wish you’d understand how it hurts, that you don’t want to watch a movie with me, not just one night, but the next, and the next …and as the time just builds up, I just end up watching it alone.