“How are you feeling?”
I hate that question more than anything. Sometimes I don’t know how I’m feeling. Other times, I’m too overwhelmed by feeling tired to feel anything else. Then sometimes I really don’t feel like blurting out, “Well, today I’m mostly just suicidal with a dash of anxious, cranky, and irritable.” Who wants to hear that?
Okay, yes… there are a handful of you who really do want to hear that so you can help, get me help, or stay out of my way. I understand that. I really do. But sometimes when I feel like that, and it’s just a feeling – not a threat toward action – I really do just need to keep it to myself.
Why cry wolf?
If every time you ask how I’m feeling, I answer suicidal, how will you know the difference when I come to you and ask for help? That, and I just don’t get off on drawing attention to how I’m feeling when I’m feeling low and/or below. Honestly though, more often than not, I just feel tired or cranky and nothing else is really noticeable on my bad days.
On a good day? Oh, you’ll hear about those!
Thankfully, I’ve had them more often lately!
I wish more people were honest about BPD and how they FEEL. This is such a difficult illness and I appreciate your insight-even if doesn’t feel like insight to you. I send love and hugs.
How much nicer this world would be if we could be honest about how we’re feeling and what we’re experiencing. I’m looking forward to hearing that you’re having a good day, and hope with all of my heart that you’ll let us know your day has taken a dive.