Depression often lies to us, tricking us into going off our much-needed medications.
This is her story:
I wanted to see how I could be without the Prozac. So did my therapist. I had been on it for about 7 years – the same 20 mg dosage the whole time. My therapist openly disapproved of the medication. So I self-weaned off. I felt great for the first few weeks. Then the depression set in. It was mild at first. Just moodiness and more yelling. Then it would lift and life would be great. The cycles went like that for a while. Then there was The Week From Hell.
I ignored my husband completely. I did the bare-bones necessities to get through the day. I did not want to see friends or family. I didn’t want to do anything. I cried all the time, about nothing. I was never like this before. I wanted to eat salmon (which I am severally allergic to) so my throat would close and I would die. Nothing brought me joy. Nothing.
I didn’t talk about this with anyone. When I mentioned suicide to my therapist, he didn’t even blink or comment. This threw me into a greater depression. You know you are doomed when even your therapist doesn’t care.
My husband cried and said he wanted me to talk to him. I told him it didn’t help to talk. I needed medication. So I made an appointment with a psychiatrist (my previous Prozac came from my OB/GYN as medication to handle PMS). It took weeks to get in.
Even though I had been battling depression for years, this was the first time I ever saw a psychiatrist. She was very nice and knowledgeable. She went through all the background questions. When she asked about family history, I laughed and asked how much time we had. She nodded in understanding.
Her diagnosis was that I had mild depression that could go into a severe depressive state if I didn’t medicate myself. She said that since the Prozac did work for me without any side effects that she was putting me back on it, going from 10 mg up to 30 mg gradually.
Today I am at the 20 mg dosage. I feel pretty good. However, my darkest swings are 1-2 weeks before my period, which is still a while away. I am worried that the Prozac won’t be enough anymore. The psychiatrist said there are other similar medications I could take if Prozac didn’t do the job.
I am also worried that I am putting my trust too much into a pill. Why can’t I just be happy? I look at the people around me who smile and laugh and have it all, and want to be like them. But I am just not a happy person. Never have been, and probably never will be.
So I say, Hello Prozac my old friend…. I’ve come to take you again.
Prozac is a butt of jokes for people who have never needed it. For those of use for whom it is literally a lifesaver, it’s totally necessary.
Oh, and your original therapist is a dimwit, at best. I’m glad you found someone better.
Thanks guys 🙂
Oh Joy hugs to you. There is nothing wrong with needing medicine to make it through. I think many of us do now days. And I myself am so thankful there is help. And please know everyone is different. Even those people you see that are smiling and happy may deep down not be so. I hide my depression and anxiety between a smile and laughter, so that no one knows I am losing my mind. It’s my self defense.
I am also so sorry you’re therapist doesn’t take you seriously. I would suggest a new therapist or only see the psychiatrist from now on. Because your therapist sounds like an idiot to me but that’s just my two cents.
Hey, guess what?
Those happy people that you see? Those of us who smile & laugh all the time?
We take antidepressants too…
I’m one of those happy people. I love to laugh, I tell great stories & make other people laugh.
Then, gradually, I was crying more, but in private. No one knew but my husband, he was the only one I felt safe enough around to be miserable. Oh, and that backfired too, cause then he saw me being happy around everyone but him.
I talked to my Dr, we tried a couple of different ones until we found one that worked and now I get to feel like myself again.
Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I’m sad, but I always take my little pill.
When I was 16, my mother sent me to the doctor to have my thyroid checked since I was sleeping all the time. He diagnosed depression and prescribed Prozac. My father’s first comment? “I guess we might as well just send you to the funny farm now.”
I often equate depression to diabetes. Your body isn’t producing a necessary chemical. Because of this, you need a medication to function like other people. Therefore, if you wouldn’t look down on someone taking Metformin to regulate their blood sugar, there’s no reason to judge yourself for using an antidepressant.
It’s not about just being a happy person. If that were possible, you’d do it. Nobody enjoys depression. Nobody chooses to be that way. It’s about providing yourself with the necessary treatment that you have the potential to be happy.
Hope that made sense. Much love to you.
Thank you for this, Joy. It’s important for all of us with depression to know we’re not alone!
Oh dude, my MOTHER told me to go off my pills a couple of years ago, so I did. STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever done. I need them, I don’t have to like it, but I need them.