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I’ve been reading people’s stories on The Band and decided it might help me to share mine. Most of the stories I’ve seen included violence, fortunately mine doesn’t.

I was raped at the age of 15.

I am now 16.

He was my boyfriend of two years. I still don’t remember everything from that night, but I feel that it is time to let go of what I do remember.

We were at his house and he decided to watch a horror movie on his laptop, so we were lying on his bed watching this movie. I rolled over and gave him a kiss, then I rolled back over on my side to continue watching the movie. He tugged on my sweatshirt and said, “I wasn’t done with you yet.”

I thought he was just teasing.

When I rolled to face him, he grabbed onto my waist. I knew then what he wanted. I told him that I wasn’t ready. I told him no.

I did, I said no…

(sorry this is really hard for me to share).

He put more pressure on me so I wouldn’t be able to get away, though I tried. I truly tried to get away.

I will never say that I gave up fighting him, because I didn’t. But, I clenched my eyes shut. I felt him start to pull my pants down so I started kicking. That didn’t stop him. Then…

Then it happened.

My virginity was taken from me.

I’ve had nightmares ever since.

I didn’t leave him after it happened. I felt like I was too weak to be on my own. I also kept having sex with him because I was so scared that if I didn’t, he would do it again…and he ruined the little bit of self-esteem I had.

So, since I felt so low about myself, I kept doing it because I felt like I deserved it.

Like I said before, I’m fortunate that my situation wasn’t violent.

I am sixteen years old, almost seventeen, and I am currently in a relationship with my seventeen year old Navy boyfriend. I came into this relationship scared to death to let myself love someone again.

But, my boyfriend taught me that what I went through was tragic and devastating, but I am beautiful and have my whole life ahead of me. He has turned my life around completely and made me realize that I have to learn to love myself before I could be happy and love someone else.

I still have nightmares whenever I sleep. I still go through periods when I blame myself. I still have severe depression, but everyday is a new day.

I guess, part of me is still seeking for help and advise on how to keep fighting after a rape. Being raped has made me who I am today.

Yes, I wish it hadn’t happen, but at the same time, I’m glad that it did because it has made me become the strong, beautiful young lady I am.