For flippin’ migraines.

Growing up I got one in a blue moon and really, they were bad, but I wasn’t stressed out about them.

I’d just get one and think, “Oh, this sucks. I have a migraine.” And I’d take some medicine, drink some really strong instant tea and it would go away.  Later, I’d get them and take a cocktail of Benadryl and ibuprofen to go to sleep and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Five years ago, I woke up one morning, laid in bed for a little bit with my husband, got up and started to get ready to leave town for my grandmother’s funeral.  I bent over to pick something up off the floor, stood up and next thing I know I hear my husband yelling “Jennifer! Jennifer! Open your eyes and look at me! Jennifer!” What the heck? Why?  Then I realize I’m in a really weird position.

One doesn’t normally find herself sitting in her laundry basket.

Then I realize I’m still naked.  Then I realize I need to throw up.  Then I realize the only other time I’ve seen my husband so scared was when I passed out from a fever a couple years before. And can I say that since my step-son’s best friend at the time was one of the EMTs working, I’m really happy my husband didn’t call 911 so he could find me naked in my laundry basket?  What does it say about me that I’m more worried about that than the fact that I was unconscious and naked in my laundry basket?

So that set off a round of doctors, emergency rooms, MRIs, CT scans, and heart monitors. And daily migraines.  Yep, I said daily migraines.  My husband’s thought is that I hit my head against the wall when I passed out, and maybe it knocked something haywire even though my head didn’t hurt and no damage has been found.  The best news out of all of this is that I actually have a brain.  I have pictures.  It’s there.  Contrary to some people’s belief I do have more than just empty space between my ears.

So I went 6 months having daily migraines.  I was taking a cocktail of medications to manage the pain, because these are not normally the type that are aided by Imitrex or things like that. I had to take an anti-inflammatory, a pain medication, muscle relaxer, and my dear old friend Benadryl to get rid of the pain.  And I needed to sleep. I was working in a place that had a lot of chemicals, so after 6 months of working half days we decided that it was best if I found a new job.  So I did.  And my migraines have dialed down to a couple a week.

I have two kinds of migraines, which is part of my problem.

I have the classic which is where you get the aura and have squiggly lines in your vision and it feels like someone is jabbing an icepick in your brain.  Those are rare for me. Then I have my normal ones where it feels like the angel of migraines came with his boxing gloves to punch me in the left eye. It’s always the left side. And either I wake up with it or suddenly I realize, “Oh, hey, I have a migraine”.  There’s no warning like the others.  And with my normal ones there are three levels of pain.  “Oh, hey, my head hurts.  Ok.” is the mildest. Then there are the ones like today, “Crap my head hurts, but I can function so here I am, but leave me alone”. And then the worst are the “Oh freakin’ hell, somebody kill me now!”

Recently, I’ve been introduced to a new circle of hell – the DOUBLE migraine.  Really?

Because the others weren’t bad enough?  This is where I get one aura, my head starts to hurt really bad, then after that aura goes away I get another one about 20 minutes later.  Seriously!

The pain from that is excruciating and double.

Along with my own personal pain and agony that goes along with these migraines, I have to deal with other people.  Most of my migraines are like today.  I look fine.  I’m at work.  I’m functioning.  I’m typing a flippin’ blog for crying out loud.  If you’re paying attention, I look like I’m a little off.  But to the casual observer I look fine.  Something may come up and I’ll say “Oh, I’ve got a migraine.”

But when they’re bad enough I need to call in to work, load up on drugs and sleep all day, I get “but you could work the other day”.  Yeah, out of sheer force of will and there was too much I had to do.  And then there’s my husband.  He’s the only person on the planet I wish would get just one migraine.  Just one.  I don’t get them just to ruin his plans.  I don’t get them because I just want to miss a day of work.  I don’t get them to get out of cleaning.  There are the granddaughters. God bless them.  I hate it the most for them.  There are times it is impossible for us to be in the same house when I have a migraine.  And unfortunately, they’ve learned to ask “Do you have a headache?” when they come over and something seems off.  They still need to be able to be little girls, so I try to tell whoever is responsible for them that they don’t have to be quiet and if they want to come give me a hug it is really okay.  But most of all, it’s the people that want to offer me solutions.  Like I haven’t tried everything already.  And 5 1/2 years later, I have a pretty good idea what causes them, but you just can’t avoid the weather.  Although, I kinda like my husband’s ex-mother-in-law’s idea…medicinal marijuana.  I really hate being perceived as a whiny-a$$ baby who complains all the time, so I don’t share with many people.

So there’s my migraine rant.  I hate them and they hate me.  I hate that it inconveniences others.

But there’s nothing I can do about it.