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Left Fielder Not Taking it So Well…

So, let’s talk about my youngest.  He is one of the sweetest most loving caring kids you will ever meet.  He has autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, asthma, and EDS. EDS Elhers Danlos Syndrome.  It’s a connective tissue disorder.  It sucks.  I have it also and right now we are both having major pain flares.

Readers Digest version: last Wednesday, I think it was, my husband and I and our youngest went to our foot doctor because my feet are horrible, my husband’s are from the army and back in December, my son fell and sprained his ankle, and we thought he was ok but he was still limping.  With EDS, you do not walk it off, and I have two surgeries on my feet to prove that.

So, the doctor gets x-rays, and comes and gets my husband and me to come look at them.  She points at a spot on his ankle and says, “I don’t know what that is, I don’t like it.  I want an MRI immediately!”

Ok, so I’m freaking out inside.  She puts my son in a walking boot and he’s fine; he’s none the wiser. He walks with a cane daily because his knees are really bad.

So, we learn it could be dead bone, dead connective tissue, the C word, malformed bone or connective tissue and I forget what else.  He will probably need surgery.  I’m not handling this well at all.  He’s my baby and I know he hurts because I gave him the blasted syndrome.

The “immediately” is not happening because apparently it’s a special kind and even though my son has 3 insurances, they have to sign off first. I’m just beside myself.  My anxiety is not happy.  Thank god for happy pills. Any suggestions on how not to obsess?

Ask The Band: Losing Me

You know about my kids now here’s a little about me.

I am extremely stubborn.

I hate admitting I need help.

I have a ton of health problems: anxiety, depression, EDS, IIH, and fibromyalgia. All 3 of my kids have autism with other co-morbidities. My husband is my rock but he can be a pain in my ass.

I take on a lot with the boys because they’re mine it’s not up to someone else to do it and I do see a therapist.

She thinks in dealing with the latest with what I call my shitshow, I lost myself in there somewhere.

I think she’s right in a way, I’m so mentally tired I’m surprised I can form complete sentences.

I’m getting away next week for 10 days.

For the first time in 4.5 years, I’m going to visit my mom, my dad, and my sister. I haven’t been together with the three of them at the same time in a long time.

I’m actually really excited… but scared too.

Scared of having a good time.

Is that weird?

Scared I’m going to be in pain and they won’t understand. Scared of being away from my kids for so long.

Okay, I’m scared shitless.

Help!