If you’ve not heard of Baby Olive’s Mom, please read this post here (there are mentions of baby loss and suicidal ideation), so do be careful with yourself.

I promise, this will make it worth it all:

Dear Becky and The Band,

I am unsure of where to begin.

Reading back on my post, I realize how disturbing it was and that my judgement on that night was wrong.

However i do thank you for the support. This was the first time that i reached to such a low level emotionally and the holiday blues just made it worse for me.

However, it did help so much seeing all my loved ones again during the holiday season because my work is of such nature that it requires me to be away from home for long periods at a time. There are currently no construction / mining projects with open positions close to home and our project has a lot of shift changes according to project scope changes.

Due to that, i have isolated myself for a few years not realizing the emotional damage i caused.

However after my post and reconnecting with my friends at home during the holidays i realized that there is so much beauty in healing too.

When i came back i also started being more social and involved in charity events, small talk to fellow neighbors and joining the church again – which I have not done the past couple of years.

The blog made me realize that it is important to realize your weaknesses and pain to be able to adjust your lifestyle more for improved mental health and to help you heal and use the life experiences you went through to help others in need  – even though it might not be directly linked to your own pain.

Since i started healing from my pain, i have grown to be such a better and kinder person and although it has only been just over a month i am exited for my life ahead and it feels full of purpose again.

I still miss her so much, but using the pain to help other people in need has changed the experience from a dead end to a positive life choice – without the requiring of medication or seeing a therapist.

I really thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

And again i really apologize for my post; it was an emotional breakdown of all the hurt of the divorce and her loss that has just smothered me that night, but i am certain that i will never reached that point again.

I have also posted the following to just say thank you for the responses and prayers although I only read it now it has really helped so much and forever!

i can assist your team on helping other women in similar situations or completely other situations i would love to.

Reaching out has helped a lot and i also reached out to a family member.

I am glad that i pulled myself out mentally and i feel like a different person.

I also started by helping others where i can (e.g registering for bone marrow donation and donating blood ). It gives me another reason to hold on as well as spending more time with my two daughters has also cleared my min. This made me realize it is okay to break down for a minute – but it is not okay to leave them behind without a mother.

This blog has also helped me realize that there is so much people with the same pain and that it is okay to open up and that there is support without judgement.

i thank each and every person that shared their concern and opened up about similar heartache it really does make my burden more bearable.

And another AWESOME update:

As a women in the construction industry and a single mom, I do come across as a very strong and independent women and if my thoughts were shared with my family and friends, I would totally feel ashamed and isolated again, however after sharing my thoughts with you a lot has changed before i even read your posts, but i do feel that your page has saved my life and turned it around completely and here is why…..

I felt a sense of relief that i could open up about my loss for the first time without the judgement of close friends, family, and collages in my personal life so i finally had a go-to safe haven place to deal with my grief. After i wrote my letter, i felt compelled to read other stories on your page (witch made me realize I am not alone with this loss & if they can survive it, I can too).

Then i felt somewhat better and thought hey how can be proactive? have nothing more to lose how about i just check the self help links?

So i did and i realized there is hope. I gathered some tips and gave it a try and I am so amazed by the results.

I don’t only feel better but i actually truly feel like the strong women that i pretended to be for three years.

You may share as much about my letter as you feel comfortable doing as long as i stay completely anonymous, simply for the fact that i would hate to be judged by anyone close to me as i still find myself to be fragile sometimes (not in a suicidal way, more like “i want to eat that whole slab chocolate and cry for a while” kind of way ) but i not ready yet for such a setback.

hence, I have reached out to you.

You are so sincere in your posts and your page is amazing and i believe you have saved my life that night and i can not thank you enough for that.

You gave me a place to go to with all my overwhelmed emotions when i needed it the absolute most.

It was so inspiring that i decided to give back in a way.

I am not a very good writer but I thought hey everyone struggling is in need of something so i started donating blood and registering at SABMR to give back as my general health is at a stronger stage than my writing.

Your are the best.

All my love,

Baby Olive’s Mom

If you are feeling alone, scared, helpless, and suicidal, please contact the National (US) Suicide Lifeline, which provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, across the United States. Call 1-800-273-8255.

AT THIS TIME, THE SUICIDE HOTLINE CODE 988 IS NOT ACTIVE. 

If you are not in the US, I have created a list of international suicide lifelines, which can be found here

(apologies for the sporadic posts – we’re getting our ducks in a row)