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It’s been 11 years.

Today, I’m a married step-mom/grandma who has a very comfortable relationship.  Today, you are….what exactly?  In public, you’re a poet who worships women.  Back then I was dying for someone to love me.  Back then you were a predator who wanted someone to bend to your will.

Today we’re “friends” on Facebook.  It’s really not as big of a deal as I was afraid it would be.  You’re trying to portray yourself as someone who is spiritual someone who adores women. I know that to bash me would really kill your whole “women are to be worshiped and adored vibe.” Plus, if you ever tried to hurt me again, not only would I turn you into the police…again…but my wheelchair-bound husband could still kick your butt.

Because let’s face it…your prey of choice is those who can’t fight back.

But I read the things you write and it takes everything I have not to call “bullshit” on it.

You talk about sexually worshiping women, but the only person you’ve ever worshiped is yourself.  You couldn’t bring yourself to have intercourse with me because you “didn’t like it” and it was “too much work” so you insisted all we ever do was oral.  Then, when you got what you wanted, you would begin to criticize everything I did. You could have physically punched me in the stomach and it would have hurt less.

What would your little followers who think you are light and love think about that?

I won’t tell them. I know how it would make me look and I know that it would start a war against me that I don’t want to deal with.

Because the fact of the matter is, I am who I am because of you. I took your list and tried to make myself into that person.  I didn’t clean house enough, so I got up at 5:30 and cleaned before work. When I started gaining weight, I got up at 4:30 and exercised before I cleaned house.  Then, when I didn’t help enough with the “business,”  I would get home and work on the business until 9 or 10 PM. Then it was the sex.  We weren’t having enough.  So then I’d stay up until 11 or so and get sexually abused by you until I was either in tears or you had decided it was enough for the night.

I was wound so tightly that when I left the house I would fall asleep wherever I was.  Not a good idea at work. I’d lost so much weight that people were offering to feed me.  Then we had the fight and you said that you couldn’t see where I had done anything differently over the previous weeks.  Then you pushed me physically.  Which just happened to be a mental push as well.

Since then, no man has been allowed to abuse me. The husband is your complete opposite.  You quit your job and left me to support you because you didn’t like your boss. The husband hasn’t missed but two days of work due to his own illnesses in the last 10 years and he’s in a damn wheelchair! You criticized anything and everything.  He criticizes nothing.  You’d tell me you love me only to follow it up by a verbal drop-kick.  He doesn’t tell me he loves me very often, but he would never do anything to hurt me.

Now I read your posts and I roll my eyes because I know the truth. You lie.

You are not who these women believe you to be.  Not even close.  And if they get something out of reading how women are supposed to be worshiped and adored, great.  Maybe they need that.  Maybe that’s your purpose.

But if they ever meet the real you, then they’ll know the truth, too.