I can’t believe you’re drinking again. In February it was a HUGE shock to learn that you’d started again after TEN FUCKING YEARS of sobriety. But now, 8 months later, it’s not that shocking. And it’s really no surprise that you’ve been at it for 6 months, either.
I know I should probably be all supportive and shit like I was last time. But quite frankly, I’m really pissed. Not only did you drink away your entire teenage years and your twenties, but you drank away all of your family, too. Including me, your little sister. You were supposed to BE THERE for me. You were supposed to be my big brother. But no, your drugs and alcohol were more important. Dad left, and then you left, leaving Mom and me wondering what the fuck happened.
And so I lived without a brother for 15 years. Entire years would go by that I didn’t know if you were alive or dead. But you finally got your life together, got sober and stayed that way for a long time. You got married to a wonderful woman and life was good. I was so proud of you.
So why did you have to go and fuck all of that up again? Are you TRYING to kill yourself? Because that’s certainly where you’re headed, no doubt about it. You’re a 44-year-old smoker with diabetes and God knows what else. Let’s add some binge drinking into that equation and see where you come out. And if you do want to die, why not just get it over with? There are plenty of ways to get the job done faster.
If you don’t want to die, then ask for fucking help. I’m pretty sure you’re way past the point of being able to do this on your own. Man the fuck up and get treatment. Stop being such a selfish asshole. Do you even care what your behavior does to your wife, your stepchildren, your grandchildren, your parents and your sister? Yeah, remember us? We’re tired of this. Tired of getting our hopes up and then having them crushed. Tired of worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Take the help now, brother, while it’s being offered. Because I’m afraid you’re not going to get many more chances.
Yes, this is harsh. I know my brother’s alcoholism is a disease, and that I have no clue what it’s like to be him. I’ll come around. But right now I just need to be mad.
Update: he’s going to an inpatient treatment facility for a month or so. Hoping and praying it goes well. I love him and don’t want to lose him
ou have a right to be mad. It’s hard to deal with the nasty disease of alcoholism. It’s especially hard when you see someone you love slowly destroying themselves and those around them. Unfortunately, alcoholics have to want help in order to get better. Have you considered going to ALANON meetings? It may help you to deal with your anger and hurt. You can’t heal him, but you can heal you. There are lots of other people out there that have felt the pain and helplessness that you’re feeling, myself included. It may be really helpful if you go to a meeting and talk to some of them. I hope things work out for the best, and I hope your brother sees the light.
Understanding that your brother has a disease doesn’t make the anger you feel any less valid. And you have probably just given a voice to my mother’s thoughts as she watched my disease try to kill me much the same way your brother’s disease tries to kill him.
I have been clean for 5 and 1/2 years. Your story tells me (very effectively) that what I hear in the rooms is absolutely true–that if I don’t continue to treat my disease, I will use again.
Thank you for reminding me that the consequences, the damages, from my disease spread much further than my immediate world of me. I want to call my mother now, and tell her I love her.
Been sober nearly two years now – not alcohol, but pills. Addiction is addiction no matter the form.
I’ve learned unfortunately that people don’t always forgive, so we can’t always make amends. Being angry is natural. I hope that he is okay.
It’s so hard to love an addict. Constant roller coaster ride. Love to you.