My friends would say that I have a great sense of humor, and I like to think that I do. I’m one of those “ease the tension with a funny line” kind of people. But lately I’m just so jealous and angry and ugly inside – I feel like even my blood and organs have rotted to black.
I am deeply blessed to have a wonderful husband and healthy child. After long bouts of unemployment, my husband and I both have jobs. That should be all I ever want. But dammit if life isn’t harder than I can take sometimes! We have piles of debt, and I hold my breath and pray when I check our bank account balance online. Last week, we were $500 in the hole until payday on Friday. We are under-employed and under-paid, and every purchase, even necessities, requires deliberation.
Yet we’re surrounded by friends who can afford things like vacations, Christmas gifts, babysitters and second children – all things we would love to have, but we can’t. Our friends have successful careers and gym memberships and freaking disposable income – things that we thought we would have too, being smart, college-educated, hard working people.
So I’m jealous. Deep, ugly-cry, Wicked Witch of the West jealous. I find out about one person’s TV appearance or another’s forthcoming baby, and my first reaction is to wince and roll my eyes. I hate myself so much for that. Nobody wants to be around that person, not even me.
I hate that when I count my blessings, I feel like I got shafted. I think I’m pissing off God, setting myself up for something awful to happen because I’m ungrateful, even though logically I know better. I’m just so tired of economic struggles. People say that money doesn’t solve all your problems, but it damn sure solves the problem of not having any f-ing money!
I feel hopeless and furious and also guilty as hell. It’s an awful cycle that I can’t figure out how to end. Is praying for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow worse than any other idea?
I know exactly how you feel. There are days where just thinking of checking the bank account makes my stomach flop around my insides like a fish out of water. The worst part about it is when those who can afford things you cannot ask you “why don’t you just…?” not understanding that there is no “just doing” anything. It’s painful.
I totally understand the feelings. We’ve progressed a little bit from that stage but not a whole hell of a lot. It’s tough and wearying to live paycheck to paycheck.
feel your pain. I was recently laid off and am trying to be zen about it but it’s very tough.
Hang in there, you will make it through…so will I, right? uggh
I so understand. My husband lost his extra income and it’s killing us. I have panic attacks at the thought of checking my account balance. We’ve dropped down to one vehicle and I have the date it’s paid off circled in huge red ink on my calendar. My step-daughter and her husband are loaded and they try to rub it in everybody’s face every chance they get. What’s the solution? I have no freaking idea. But I know that in this day and age we’re lucky to both be working so I feel like I shouldn’t complain. But I so hear you.
could have written this post. In fact its why I created this profile. Add in two-step kids who expect a lot, including a step-son who has cost us so much money in the past three months I just do not know what to do about it. HE HAS A CAR AND NO FUCKING JOB???? I cannot take it and cannot stand to hear my husband bitch and moan about all the fucked up shit that keeps happening to us…it is MOSTLY HIS FAULT AND HIS KIDS! He is a total dipshit when it comes to money and business and lost a job over principals, then fucking didn’t do a thing to get the job that was the reason he lost the other job. It’s all fucked up and I am tired tired tired tired.
I wish I could take my baby and leave. Go FAR fucking away. I think she and I on our own would be way better off financially than I am with my husband.
I love him, but I hate what he is doing to our financial future.
HUGS to all of us (myself included) in this situation. I lost a wonderful full-time job in May, 2009 and then was underemployed for 9 months, then laid off. Haven’t worked since.
My brother got evicted and had to move in with me in February, 2009 and STILL HASN’T FOUND WORK.
We are living on the generosity of my parents right now and in this economy there’s not much else we can do.
this is a shitty situation to be in. And worse, it’s shitty to not feel like you can do anything about it. We’re all in it together.
I’m so sorry y’all are going through similar struggles. Today I’m to decide which is better: taking a direct deposit advance with its associated fees or waiting for the overdraft fee to kick in. But on the plus side, I sold a bunch of books so we have money to buy groceries and don’t have to eat waffles for dinner.
I’ll be thinking about all of you, and if I come up with a magical solution to being under- or unemployed and broke, I’ll sure let you know