Upstate NY, 1985

It was taken away from them. Just a seed in the beginning of a life forming to join this world.

A decision. She wasn’t ready. Not in her plan. So scared, but no decision to be made. Outcome predetermined; not to start.

So it was ended. They had no chance to join this world. Left to find another possibility for the loss was cold.

She could feel it in her hips. The pain was held and rocked till the grief was pushed thru every pore, wrung out thru sorrow ’till she could find space to breathe.

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why does it wash over you decades in time?

They were crying out to be saved, but she didn’t hear.

I am so sorry to have left you. I wasn’t ready to carry a soul.

It’s all consuming, the process of growing up. Staying aware, but willing to feel the piercing joys and sorrows that you have endured. Sometimes it’s so cold. She was just learning how to share gold, black & pink.

Still stiff, I’ll learn how to relax and breathe.

–and I forgive you sweet melissa. U meant no harm

–then why does it hurt?

– because you feel deeply and that is a gift to cherish

I feel the blood in my body and hear the ink on the page. I’m still learning to see clearly and that is okay.

–thank you. I am grateful

– U are always welcome. my gifts are bountiful

–amen

– I forgive you. come fly with me