I posted a while ago anonymously about my oldest son. He is truly in a bad, bad place. He’s a very angry child. We sought help from his therapist and psychiatrist. Finally, after weeks and weeks of fighting, we got somewhere. He was diagnosed with co-morbid bipolar disorder along with his autism, ADHD, ODD, depression, and anxiety.
It finally felt like we were getting somewhere. Until…that deep dark place got worse.
We are fighting daily to keep him out of inpatient hospital stays. I walk on egg shells talking to him because I don’t know what is going to upset him.
I’ve had a continuous migraine for the past 5 days because just thinking about him makes my anxiety sky high. He’s a good kid and has such a good heart, I just don’t know how to help him.
Does anyone have any ideas?
I am all out of ideas. I’m completely mentally worn the eff out. He’s just so angry and mad at the world. I just want my happy kid back
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of this! It’s such a huge challenge to live with such a strong (and strongly disordered) personality. You don’t mention here how old your son is, but I’m aware that both bipolar disorder and autism are strengthened by routine and ability to know what to expect in their environments/schedules. ODD adds a challenge because they want control of those environments and will not be told what is best to do. First, I would reach out to your son’s treatment team for assistance. Second, why are you avoiding him going inpatient? I’ve been inpatient multiple times and although it’s stressful and challenging, allowing him to suffer the consequences of his decisions gives him additional therapeutic tools and resources and you a break from the eggshells. And allowing him to experience that might set a healthy boundary for you that will help him to understand that the world is not all about him. It might also plug you into caregiver resources. You may also be able to apply for respite funding to get him some hours in a day center with other kids like him and give yourself a break.
Lastly, please care for yourself. If you are worn too thin, you cannot advocate for yourself, him or keep anyone safe.
Keep talking to us and please be kind to yourself… HUGS
All the love to you mama, you are fighting a very hard fight. I am also curious why you are fighting the inpatient stay? It sounds like you desperately need a break from walking on eggshells, that’s no way for any of you to live, it’s not fair. I hope you get your happy boy back so soon!
I would (personally) be reluctant to call an inpatient stay a consequence of his actions; that implies a punishment for something over which he has absolutely no control. There should absolutely be boundaries set, but in my experience, kids with these mental illnesses (not disordered thinking, but an illness) cannot recognize boundaries or consequences until and unless they get stabilized. An inpatient stay could help her him to that point. I can understand why the thought of inpatient treatment is terrifying, but could also be the best thing for all of you.
And I agree, the respite for you would be good, too. I can suggest counseling for you and your family to learn how to handle different scenarios, as that is one of the (many) things I should have done differently with my son.
But: taking care of yourself has got to be one of your highest priorities. Try to breathe. Eat nourishing food and drink lots of water and surround yourself with loving, nurturing people. And come here and talk-I think it’s safe to say everyone here cares deeply about what happens to you and yours.