A 2016 poll found that there are between 0.5 to 0.6% people who are transgender in the US.
This would put the total number of transgender Americans at approximately 1.4 million adults.
This is their journey:
I’m R and I’m transgender. I’m also the youngest kid in my family. I’m quiet, and my older sibling, L, is not. We are both a lot alike and very different.
Growing up. I didn’t have a name for how I felt; I just knew I was really unhappy the older I got. I hated the changes puberty was causing. I wanted it to stop. I’m quiet. I didn’t say anything. I doubled down on skirts, on leggings, on purses, whatever I could do to be more girly. My mom loved it, so I kept doing it, but I grew more unhappy. I lied about my favorite anime characters, saying I liked girl characters when I was drawn to male characters.
And then, a couple years into this struggle, when I finally had a name for who I was – transgender, my brother L came out to my parents as being transgender and I felt screwed over. I figured that if I said something now, my parents would think I was copying my brother. So, I dressed even girlier while I grew more depressed.
L was immediately accepted. His entire wardrobe of girl’s clothes went to me or got tossed. He got boys underwear, boys jeans, everything a geeky little guy could ask for. I still hammed it up, letting my mom put makeup on me, do my hair, whatever I could do to embrace being female.
It was awful, but I did it anyway, lasting a year and a half into L’s social transition before my mom helped break through my barrier. She guessed that I was trans, but unlike L’s instant transition, my mom wanted made me to wait an agonizing six months to come out, even though I, too, got a new wardrobe and haircuts that grew increasingly shorter I came out to my extended family as gay first. It wasn’t quite right, the gay label as a girl, but it let me be out, partially, at least.
Trying to figure out who I was and my sexuality at the same time was torture. I told myself that I must like girls in that way, but I didn’t. I want someone to partner with, but I was also figuring out that I was asexual. The asexual part was the easiest. I really needed an easy thing at that point.
I tore myself up over being trans, being gay. I felt so alone.
I was more depressed than ever. I still got called by my girl name and it made me sick each time I heard it or saw it. My mom saw the despair, and four months after coming out to her, I took my new name and came out to my whole family and friends.
My brother and I never said a word to each other during the years we were suffering and trying to figure out what was wrong. We share a room, and both of us are blown away that each night for years we lay in our beds and agonized silently.
If one of us would have taken the leap and shared, we could have suffered less.
We knew our parents were LGBT allies and supported one of my mom’s students who was transgender.
We were scared. Scared to say the words aloud to ourselves.
To each other.
To our parents.
To the world.
We saw the agony that my mom’s student was in, that moving hours away to an LGBT friendly place was the only way to live openly.
That’s why trans visibility is so important. Acceptance is essential.
My brother L and I are transgender.
We are at peace with that knowledge because we are accepted for who we are.
We are supported.
We will, in the future, medically transition.
We are the lucky ones.
I wish I were half as brave as you are! I’m really glad that you opened up and shared your journey with us. Can you please keep us posted as you transition further? Your experiences can and will truly help people who are scared.
Thank you so very much.
I am so glad you have a solid support system. Best wishes for you and your brother as you move forward.
Wow what a remarkable story! I’m sorry about your suffering; it was heartbreaking to read about. I’m thankful that your family is supportive and am hoping for a bright future for you and your brother.
Your story is so important. You and your brother need to be heard and supported. The enemy is ignorance and to help others is as simple and as hard as sharing your story.
I know you didn’t sign up to be a hero, but here you are, standing brave. I appreciate your courage.
R-
Your story is poignant. You are clearly wise beyond your years, and have an empathetic heart. How difficult to have to love as someone you aren’t for so long. Sending you a great deal of love and hugs today, and all days. ❤️ Be unapologetically you. You are the only you out there. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so sorry for the long, hard road, but so happy that you are now living as the person you really are. Your story will help so many people in so many ways. I hope your life is full of joy and love.
Really happy that you are finally living as your true self. Thank you for sharing your story so that others may gain strength for their journey. That is very generous of you- big hugs to you and your brother!
Thank you so much for sharing this and for being who you really are! Love you both, and your parents!
Thank you for sharing your journey toward self-acknowledgment and self-acceptance with us. I love the honesty of your story – how you don’t shy away from the period of anger at your brother coming out or the fear of disappointing parents you could see are allies.
I am in awe… Keep us posted as things come up (and they will). One of the most awe-inspiring women I know is trans. She just retired from a long career as medical doctor. Part of her transition story involved divorcing her first wife, coming out to her kids and grappling with both her sexual preferences as well as her gender identity. Bravo to you for seeing that they are distinct and not interdependent.
Love, light and belonging to you and your brother both. I can’t wait to hear the next chapter – or even vignette – from your prescient mind and compassionate pen!
Hugs!
You are so strong and brave. Also…incredible selfless. The kindness you showed to your brother by allowing him the space to transition while figuring out where you were on your own journey made me cry.
You are an amazing person and I wish you so much love, light, and support on your journey. Hugs to you!
This gives me ALL the BIG FEELS. A few years ago while in HS, my eldest came out as non-binary. Even though I am a passionate and vocal LGBTQ+ ally, my sweet child was terrified to tell me. I’m so very glad that they eventually felt safe enough to talk to me.
By sharing your story and experiences, you help me understand pieces of my child’s journey, as well as raise awareness. Kudos to you for being so brave, vulnerable, and honest. Sending lots of hugs to you and your family.
Thank you so much for all your kind, supportive comments!
—R