I finally told you I wanted a divorce.
You forced me into this corner and I have no other way out. You cheated on me – again – with your daughter’s mother, and who knows who else. Just like all of the other times, you never came clean. I never got the full story. You apologize and expect me to move on, but I can’t do it anymore.
It’s never going to stop and I can’t be that woman – the woman who always looks the other way. It eats me up inside trying to figure out what was said, who you were with, and when you had time to do it. And why? Why would you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? What is wrong with me that almost all of the men I have been with have cheated on me?
You seem surprised that the people in my life who care about me are mad at you. I’m not sure what you expect from everyone. These people actually care about me and my welfare. They know what you’ve done to me isn’t right. I know it’s not right either, but part of me just wants to try to forget about it. I am not emotionally detached. I still love you. I was still trying to make this marriage work.
One of the hardest things I will ever do is to leave you. You know I hate to be alone. I need to be around people all the time. I know I am going to be so lonely. You were my best friend and now I will have no one.
One of your “friends” called last night. I can’t believe that you don’t have enough respect for me to wait – wait until we are separated. I asked you to move out but you say you have no where to go. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live with you for the next couple of months when it is so obvious that you are already moving on? I cried myself to sleep last night, and you asked why I was crying. What do you think? That I am some kind of emotionless robot? That I would just move on since you have?
For the most part, I am holding it together for my kids. I don’t know how much longer I can do that.
I am hoping that going to counseling will help. This is eating me up inside so bad. Lord knows I don’t need any more stuff to make me depressed.
I do not want to go back to that place.
A time will come (honest!) when you will accept that being alone and lonely is a far better place than being with someone and being lonely. I do hope you continue with the counseling. Having someone outside of the situation help you navigate the change is invaluable.
I say kick him out. You don’t deserve to deal with that kind of treatment. Let him figure out where he will live.
Tracy, I’m with Michelle. If he says he has nowhere to go, tell him he should have thought of that before he hopped into someone else’s bed. Maybe he can stay with one of his whores?
That sounds a lot meaner than I usually do about anything. But after watching my mom be cheated on for almost her entire 9 year marriage to my “father”, I have zero respect or tolerance for cheaters. Sweetie, I know this will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. It was for my mom. She went through two years as a single mom of three with no help, working as many jobs as she could, on and off antidepressants.
But you will get through it and you will be stronger for it. My mom and my “real” (adoptive) dad will celebrate their 20 year anniversary in February. And trust me when I say that even if my parents hadn’t found each other, I would have much rather seen her along and strong than staying with someone who treated her so horribly. Because she had the strength to move on, my sisters and I were given a great example of a real marriage – one built on love, trust, and respect.
Please do get some counseling. I know it will help you so much. And remember that we’re all here for you so any time you need to vent or cry or rage, just come on back. (((HUGS))) I’ll be praying for you!