Bipolar Disorder is a tough diagnosis.
This is her story of hope:
Having Bipolar sucks sometimes.
Having bipolar disorder means that there are cycles that the meds will never fully be able to control. It means never being able to fully “let go” because letting go means not checking yourself every five minutes to make sure you’re within the normal range.
It means having people look at you funny and then avoid you altogether once they find out. It means being unable to just “be yourself,” because like it or not, bipolar disorder is like a wild, out-of-control animal. The medication give you reins and a saddle so you can sometimes steer the beast, but the disease has control.
And I’m one of the lucky ones.
I am one of the rare cases who found a medication regime four years after onset and haven’t had to change it since. I’m graduating college with honors and have been accepted to grad schools. I.am.lucky. and yet most days it’s a struggle to fit in with “normals.”
What I’ve found after years of studying other people to try and figure out how they have stability so easily is that most of them have skeletons, they just don’t acknowledge them and take them out to dance.
That’s a terrifying thought, but a relieving one, too. Relief to know I’m not the only one who struggles, frightening to know that everyone goes through their own shitstorm. Their heartbeat puts them on the list and the rest is a matter of which nouns and verbs you use to describe the “w’s” (who, what, when and where).
We all should keep fighting. We keep fighting and pulling ourselves off the ground. The truth of life is that sometimes, well, shit happens.
But I’ll say one thing; I wouldn’t trade having bipolar disorder for anything. Without it, I would be half the person I am today. It’s hard, so hard that some days that I’m afraid to be around myself, but I’m so much stronger with it then I ever would have been otherwise.
Surviving bipolar disorder is an amazing feeling. The enormity of what we go through is huge. We walk through fire every day and while sometimes we scar, there is a section of cool water is on the other side if you allow yourself to feel for it.
Keep fighting.
thank you for commenting in advance
It takes a lot of guts to be so open about your disorder. It’s not always easy (for you or those around you) to say “I’m bipoloar” or “I deal with chronic depression or anxiety” without someone around you feeling just a bit uncomfy.
I agree with you, some days, it is like walking through fire, but we have to choose to keep walking toward that water. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you. And I don’t care if you think your writing isn’t great, I’ll keep reading. So keep it coming, girl!
ou are right about everything you have said…but, it sounds like you are fighting the good fight and winning. Good luck.
Thanks for having the courage to share. My best friend has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My heart is broken for her and I hope to be there for her through it all.
that’s really all you can do. I’ll tell you something, having someone in your corner even if you rage and scream at them is such an amazing thing to all of us who suffer from any type of disorder.
thanks.
When I saw the word “bipolar” in my reader I immediately read your post. Because I too, have bipolar disorder. I could have written your post.
When you wrote, I’m one of the lucky ones . . . sometimes I feel that way too. Even though I have walked through the depths of hell while going up and coming down for 17 years, maybe more, I have managed to come through it.
I have a masters degree, a wonderful husband, two beautiful baby boys. I still struggle. I’m struggling now and I suppose I always will. But I’ve accepted that. It’s the only way I can make it through this life.
Thank you for being brave enough to write this. You are not alone.
Thank you for writing this. I wonder every day if my son will make it through this. He seems so angry sometimes. I don’t know what to do. Even after the parenting course I took during his intensive therapy, all they say is support, support, support. I try, but I don’t think I’m very good at it…
’ll tell you something harsh but true. Nothing you do right now will be appreciated because your son is so wrapped up in his own head. HOWEVER in the future when he finds that fragile stability he’s currently searching for it will matter and some days knowing you’re there is the only thing that will get him thru. So keep trying because any support is good support