Your baby got sick. Your baby has lasting health problems. Your baby died. What’s next? Who do I blame? Surely somebody is to blame, right?

Not always. *

Our son Charlie died from late-onset Group B Strep in June of 2003. He was 24 days old. The doctors said there was a 50/50 chance that he got it from labor (me) or that he just got it from “life”. So my husband and I made the conscious choice to not dwell on or even think about who or what was to blame.

That’s crazy, you say. We could sue somebody and get lots of money if they were found to be at fault.


On the other hand, I could blame myself daily and end up sinking into an even deeper depression and spending the rest of my life beating myself up for carrying GBS and killing my child.

No amount of money would bring my baby back. If there were a specific amount, I would beg, borrow, steal, cheat and maybe even kill to get enough money to bring him back. I would sue whomever and whatever I could if they would bring me back my sweet, pink, smell-goody, bright-eyed Charlie.

But that isn’t going to happen. Ever. So I have made peace with the fact that no negligence was done, by myself or my husband or any medical staff, and have told that part of my grief to take a hike. I’m not thinking about it anymore.

*Exception: If there was gross negligence on the part of a caregiver, doctor or hospital, and you have the resources and truly believe you have a case, then going after compensation may be okay. I’m not attorney, but I do know it won’t bring your child back or make your child whole again.