by Band Back Together | Jul 22, 2014 | Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Feelings, How To Help A Parent With a Special Needs Child, Parenting, Special Needs Parenting |
G., my five-year old, has weekly therapy sessions. Right now we’re using therapy to help manage his ADHD symptoms but I’m also hoping that it’s able to help with his inability to express his feelings or relate to other children. My husband recently sent me an e-mail mentioning that G. asked when N., my two-year old, was going to start going to therapy.
And it made me cry.
G. doesn’t know that he’s different. I hope that he never does. We’re taking the necessary steps to help him at an early age. But it is hard. It’s hard having a child that behaves and reacts to things in a way that I don’t understand. I know that some of it, of course, is his age, but a lot of it has to do with ADHD.
T-ball is a prime example. Yes, I know. They are five. Attention spans aren’t exactly what your average five-year-old is known for. But when his team is on the field, the other little boys watch the ball and chase after it while G. lets it roll on by because he’s staring at the sky…or picking grass…or laying flat on his back in the outfield.
I’m the type of person who likes routine. I want things to go the way they’re supposed to go and get stressed or anxious when they do not. I realize that is my issue, and I’m working on it.
Routine does not work well with G. Requests with multiple steps do not work with G. Trying to get him to focus on anything for more than a few minutes does not work with G.
I know how swimming lessons and gym class have gone. I know how he has responded to soccer and T-ball. School is still a bit of a mystery to me. I know he’s a sweet and charming child and I know that he does well with women he likes. I also know that Kindergarten is packed with activities which means that the kids are never at any activity for too long, although the lessons of the day are repeated throughout, just in different ways. So it’s probably ideal for him.
But still, I worry. I worry that he can’t tell me the names of any of the students in his class. I worry that he’s not learning what he needs to be learning. I worry that Kindergarten may be the easy part, and next year first grade is going to throw us for a loop. I worry because that’s what I do, but also because of who he is. I’ve been worried about school from the first day I suspected that he had ADHD.
I worry because I watched my brother grow up with ADHD, and I watched him struggle. Things like school and making friends were so much harder for him. My brother is doing fantastically now. He’s working on his Master’s Degree. He’s in a career suited to his interests and personality. And he is still best friends with his best friends from fourth grade. One of whom was the best man at his wedding.
I know that I am not alone. I know there are other parents out there dealing with the same issues with their children.
On the bad days, however, it doesn’t make it any easier.
by Band Back Together | Jul 17, 2014 | Abortion, Abuse, Cancer and Neoplasia, Compulsive Lying, Love, Suicide |
I stand here, a shell of a man, alone, and without direction to find a path. I am a compulsive liar and I have been all my life. I have hurt and destroyed everything that is near and dear to my heart.
I have almost no friends, no family, and no love to call my own. I am defeated, at rock bottom, and needing to hear from someone why and what I need to do. I know everyone has a story, and I know some are worse off than me, but why can’t I stop lying? My childhood was a mess – abusive father and a mother who blamed her children for her life’s problems. I would cry for love and attention, but I never got it, just yelling and beating. Through high school, I would lie for attention, say things to be cool, yet get caught and pay by getting beaten up, or worse.
I have lost every relationship and every woman I have ever loved because I would lie about the smallest things, and then the biggest things. From a failed marriage, I have a child. That is the only reason I haven’t killed myself. I have another child that I gave up the rights to because I was ashamed someone would never like me with a child. Now that child is 17 and wants to see me, but she knows the evil person I am.
I met a beautiful woman two years ago. She was life and beauty and love, a healer and a spiritual woman. She showed me love like never before, showed me how to be grateful for life and to love and help others. She loved my 8 year old daughter. It was a beautiful relationship, but I gave her my lies to make her love me. I lied and told her I was receiving cancer treatments, so she would hold me tighter to her. Why would someone lie about having cancer when so many people die from it? Why did I feel the need to put lies in the most beautiful relationship I have ever found? She accepted me despite my bullshit past. I told her I was healing every day.
Now I have nothing because I lied about having cancer and said the chemotherapy made me sterile, Now she knows the truth because she become pregnant 6 weeks ago. She has left me and is having an abortion. I am devastated that I have destroyed this amazing woman’s soul.
I am lost and ashamed. I am a failure and a coward. Who does this, and why? I look back and can’t believe this is what I have made of my life. It’s like it just happens. I don’t think about it. I don’t wake up and say I am going to hurt someone today. God, all I want is to be loved and cared for and I keep destroying those chances. The pain I feel is to much to take anymore. I’m afraid for myself, and the ones I have hurt.
I know I am a good person inside. I feel her pain and the pain of the others I have hurt. I want to be better. For the first time ever, I want to make my life mean something. I want to give back to the people who have trusted me and believed in me, when all I ever did was lie. Change must happen today, or I am done.
Why am I am monster when all I ever wanted to be was something beautiful to the world?
by Band Back Together | Jul 16, 2014 | Anger, Child Abuse, Foster Care, How To Deal With A Self-Destructive Friend |
I’ve been having problems with my boyfriend (we are in our 40’s). He was brought up in foster care, abused by foster parents, and rejected by previous partners.
I read your article on self destructing behaviour and suddenly his anger all made sense. I now know how to cope with him, not only that, but help him overcome his lack of self worth. Thank you so much for helping!
by Band Back Together | Jul 15, 2014 | Divorce, Single Parenting, Single Parenting by Choice, Teen My Parents Are Divorcing |
Life after divorce is never easy. Yes, to you it might turn out as a pleasant change for a while, due to the release you got from all of your pain and misery, but it would be a difficult change for your children to deal with. The protection the children felt from having both parents at home is no longer there.
Once the couple has been separated, the children find themselves clueless and directionless in the whole wide world. The guardian parent has to understand this situation and act accordingly to save the lives of children from getting ruined. If you are a single parent who recently got divorced and is now in between of a parent juggling act, here are 3 tips on how to make the transition a little easier for your children:
1. How to Get Respect from Your Children.
A parent stopping his/her child from doing something and the kid yelling back or screaming isn’t a very rare situation in lives of single parents. If your child has told you several times that he hates you and you are the worst father or mother in the world, trust me, you aren’t the only one experiencing this. Now, most parents lose their mind in such situations and either begin heated arguments or start shouting or hitting the children.
There is absolutely no doubt about the fact that you deserve utmost respect from your children. However, you will have to earn that respect, not by being bossy but by being reasonable, mature and friendly. You must be friendly with your children so that they can open up to you. When a child feels free to be open with a parent, if they want something, they will want to express their reasons why they want it. In turn, you will be able to make a more informed decision. No matter what your answer is, by building up a better relation with the child, you will avoid him/her feeling disrespected or being neglected.
2. Spend Uninterrupted Time with Your Kids
The last thing your kids want is you ignoring them. When a couple separates, the children have to live with either parent. They can never be with both parents at the same time. Depending on the agreement between the parents, children may spend particular times of the year with father or mother but in very rare cases they can be with both the father and mother. Keeping this factor in mind, you have to give your children adequate amount of attention. You should try spending uninterrupted time with the kids so that they don’t feel the fact that either of their parent is missing in their life.
3. Try To Maintain A Mature Relationship With Your Ex
Just because you have separated from your partner doesn’t mean that you cannot see your ex again. Being a parent, it should be your highest priority to do anything and everything to make your children’s lives and future better. You shouldn’t tell your children that their other parent was the one at fault or wasn’t worth being a parent. You should instead let your kids decide what kind of relationship they want to keep with your ex. Your children would most likely resent you for separating them from the father or mother, if you tell them to stay away or be at a distance.
It is important that you maintain a mature relationship with your ex so that you both can meet up occasionally in order to make sure your children’s lives aren’t falling apart. There are occasions when you and your former spouse have to meet up to celebrate the happy moments of your children or to provide support in their sad ones. It is not rare for divorced people to gather up on the birthdays of their children. You should do it too if it helps your children’s healthy growth, physically and mentally.
Handling life and children after divorce is certainly difficult. However, if you follow the above mentioned instructions and take wise decisions throughout the years, you can stop your children from fighting with you day in and day out, and feel incomplete without both the parents.
by Band Back Together | Jul 14, 2014 | Fear, Gang Rape, Healing From A Rape or Sexual Asault, Rape/Sexual Assault, Trust |
Age 16 was a nightmare.
I was a nightmare.
Drinking, Drugs, Sex, Violence. You name it, I did it.
I have a whole month that is one giant black hole. I remember snippets here and there, but they come few and far between. I was a black-out drinker, living with a drug dealer, and every night was a party.
But there’s one flashback I keep getting and I wish I had the rest of the pieces to the puzzle of that night.
I know I was drinking.
A lot.
I know people kept handing me drinks.
More.
More.
More.
The last thing I remember is waking up naked in a bed with four guys who were not my drug-dealing boyfriend. I remember trying to find my clothes. I remember being scared and not knowing what happened or how I got to be in that situation.
What happened that night?
Why?
Even at my drunkest, I still had a sliver of morality. I’d never in a million years consent to something like that.
Here I am, years later, STILL trying to put the pieces together.
Was I raped?
Was I drugged?
I don’t know!
and it kills me.
I’m scared of the truth
