They say it takes 21 days to change a behavior – to let go of a habit.
I’m hoping “they” are right. I am on Day Five – BRUTAL Day Five – of having zero contact with the man I was having an affair with – yes, Infidelity. I know it’s bad
I am married.
He is married – but divorcing – and “with” another woman.
He was my fuck-buddy. The sex, oh man, the sex, the sex was the kind of sex I didn’t even know I craved until it smacked me in the face. Then it became like oxygen – or, at least, crack.
More than the amazing sex, this man was someone I could talk, really talk to about the things I have no other place to share. Things that I didn’t know I really wanted to dialogue about. Dirty things, yes – yummy, dirty things. But also spiritual, political, intellectual things.
My husband simply isn’t that person for me. I won’t give you all the details. It really doesn’t matter and it’s not much different from a million other stories. For me, though, it is. This is my story.
Leaving my lover is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do; it hurts. But I know that it’s necessary to say goodbye. Goodbye to the crazy drama. Goodbye to the possibility of wrecking my marriage. Goodbye to the fear that my children would hate me if it all came crumbling down.
And goodbye to filling that hole – the one that craves passion, excitement, and a really good fuck – in my life.
I’m on Day Five.
Please tell me it gets easier.
It gets easier.
The notion of having one partner that gives you everything you need, BTWs, is baloney. At least it is for most people.
In the past I’ve told all my long-term companions that while I get 80-90% of my relationship needs satisfied with them, I’ll still seek out the percentage somewhere else. I wouldn’t want to make them go against their nature or character, and I don’t want to go without what I need.
I understand. I do.
Take deep breaths. And if you slip up, make it harder for yourself to get in contact again. Delete the number, block it too. Get rid of any photos or gifts.
I agree it does get easier with time from that person. Although if your needs aren’t getting met, that void may still be there. If you want to stay in your marriage, I would express that you need some excitement with your husband. There’s nothing wrong with asking for what you need. Try to think of what he could do specifically that could fill those needs. I know it may be hard because passion is kind of a spontaneous emotion and is hard to ask for because asking for spontaneity is like scheduling fun, but I encourage you to voice how you feel.