by Band Back Together | Aug 27, 2016 | Anxiety, Coping With Divorce, Divorce, Fear, Feelings, How To Help A Friend With Infertility, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, IUI, Loneliness, Sadness, Stress |
Coping with infertility can be an incredibly isolating experience.
This is her story:
Anyone who has been through IVF or any type of infertility treatments can vouch for how isolating it is. The time period where I spent all of my energy and focus on trying to conceive were the most lonely times of my life. Sure, yes, you’re with a partner, but as only woman knows, creating life is entirely a maternal thing.
I could sit here and tell you my story, which would take all day. And believe me, I LOVE to talk. But to spare you, I’ll give you the short version.:
I went through approximately 6 1/2 years of infertility, on and off. It killed my first marriage, and with my second marriage, it definitely took its toll, but we had our limits. Our last attempt was a Frozen Embryo Transfer (or FET for you newbs or n00bs if you prefer leet speak). We both decided, for our mental health and our marriage, that this was it. If it didn’t work, we were going to become the crazy animal people in our neighborhood. There probably would have been weird things like ferrets and tegus.
But it worked. And we were…shocked. That’s the thing about fertility treatments, when they actually work, you feel like you pulled off a bank heist.
Cut to four years later, and we now have two healthy children, one, who was a big old natural surprise. We call her the Matlock baby. Because we joke that we had ten minutes before Matlock started, and well, you get the rest.
But my point to this is, that going through it, I felt…depression doesn’t even begin to cover it. The first time around, I felt as if I had this blanket of sadness wrapped around me, that I couldn’t take off. Ever. The second time around, I found solace in the internet. It wasn’t so taboo! I had people I could talk to. Blogs I could read. But it taught me two things:
One, you are not alone. Not by a long shot.
Approximately 7.5 [million] women are affected by infertility.
Two, use your voice. Educate.
I feel no embarrassment or shame in telling people that we had a hard time conceiving, or that my son was conceived via In-Vitro Fertilization. Was I ashamed that my body failed me? Yes, for a while, but it wasn’t my fault. So I tell people. I talk about it, and 70-80% of the time, someone will chime in, “ME TOO!” It opens doors. It helps us to find others like us. And it also helps to educate people that don’t understand what its like. When we were going through treatment, a good friend of mine was so interested in the process. She would watch me inject medication. She would ask questions. Some people will always be ignorant, but by and large, people are just uneducated about the topic.
Please don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t be ashamed. Lastly, don’t isolate yourself.
by Band Back Together | Aug 20, 2016 | Anger, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Coping With Anxiety Disorders, Coping With Depression, Feelings, Generalized Anxiety Disorder Resources, Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Teen Sexuality |
“Teenage hormones”
“Depression”
“Chemical imbalance”
“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”
“Postpartum Depression”
“Seasonal Affective Disorder”
“Bipolar”
“Generalized Anxiety Disorder”
Since I was 15 years old, I’ve been diagnosed with one thing after another.
It’s like a revolving door. Or a carousel of diagnoses. Like a really bad carnival ride, where you just want off, but it seems like it won’t end. Ever.
Usually I get a new label because we’ve run through the gamut of medication that is supposed to “solve” one problem, only to find that none of them work.
Or I have changed providers.
So I fill out another 500 question sheet of paper, which of course has answers that are completely dependent on what day of the week it is, what time of the day it is and whether or not I got any sleep the night before.
Then after this highly scientific deduction process, I’m given a new prescription to go with my new label and sent on my merry way.
Only to fall flat on my ass at some point (and I do mean fall, like rock-bottom), and have to start all over again.
This is why I’m a big fan of saying that medicine alone is not enough. I fully believe medicine is a hugely helpful tool. But I also think that it needs to be in conjunction with some form of therapy.
Of course, that doesn’t explain why I haven’t managed to make it to my appointments with my therapist in the last couple months…
by Band Back Together | Aug 1, 2016 | Bacterial Infectious Diseases, Happiness, Hope, Lyme Disease |
This is her struggle with Lyme Disease and a happy update!
I’ve been on some version of antibiotics since late last fall, first killing Bartonella and then working with a combo of drugs to attack the Lyme bacteria.
A year ago, I had no idea why I was sick. Each month brought with it an unknown set of new symptoms. I would cycle through the month with a flare up every 35-ish days. I often predicted when I would get sick again because the cycles were so regular. No one wants a diagnosis like this, but at that point, I just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with me!
I have had several people question whether I was legitimately sick and then a few more question the Lyme diagnosis since it is far from fool-proof. But a year later, I have to say, I feel SO much better and am so thankful for the doctors who risk their licenses to treat this disease. I may not be 100%, and I certainly still have some neurologic deficits, but compared to a year ago, I am so much healthier.
The shooting electric shock pain is gone.
Where I used to be tired from doing nothing, I now am only tired from doing. I may still get more easily fatigued than I used to, but at least I can be somewhat productive. (And this week has been a record for energy I think since before I got pregnant TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO!)
My joints feel much better and are only stiff momentarily in the morning.
The all-over body pain is gone.
I still get dizzy, but it’s becoming more and more related to over-stimulation and florescent lights, as opposed to just being dizzy because I’m awake.
I still forget how to spell words sometimes and can find myself lost in a conversation. My eyes still get tired. And the Bell’s Palsy isn’t fully resolved.
But I am better, and that’s a reason to be optimistic that I will make a full recovery!
by Band Back Together | Aug 1, 2016 | Uncategorized |
Howdy The Band!
Hope everything is nifty on your end. Here? Things are quiet ’round these here parts and while I’d like to HOPE that the silence is due to the fact that our writers are all doing amazingly; sitting on a white sandy beach, watching the tide roll in, day after blissful day, not a care in the world. Just listening to that tide crashing into the shore.
But I fear I am incorrect – see, when *I* get quiet? It means that there is something very VERY serious going on; something SO serious that I’m totally unable to process it without being quiet and still.
It’s been quite awhile since we’ve done a State of the Band address, so I figured it was time for us to check in with YOU, The Band. How are things? I am so laughably far off base with my white sandy beach fantasy?
There’s no time like the present to let it all out. I know I’m about to – I’ve got about a gazillion ninety posts percolating in my brain, just WAITING to be let out. And yeah, sure I have a therapist I see on a weekly basis, but personally, I prefer a blank box urging me to use my words. BY FAR (for me), there is no better therapy than using my words to write something, then taking a long, aimless country road drive.
So I urge you to use your words and tell us how you’re doing. Your trials and tribulations. Things that make you feel defeated and things that make you feel ebullient.
See, I’ve been running this show for nearly 6 (SIX!!) years, and I’ve the luxury of reading your stories for as long. I’ve the perspective to see that what once was, at best, slippery pile of uncertainty to the elegant library of stories that I’d known it would.
But there are still ever-increasing scads of people – survivors looking for themselves in your words, for people like you to find a connection with. Looking to see themselves in your words. This system only works if you can share a bit of yourself, let us in, and help us see what your world looks like.
I know I’ve seen many requests for stories written by Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents (ACONs), baby loss, miscarriage, and a TON for mental illness.
I’m going to provide you some writing prompts, but please, don’t limit yourselves by these topics:
What makes you feel defeated?
What demons are rattling your closet?
What demons have you beaten?
What have you survived?
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What are some topics that you’d like explored in greater detail, The Band? What type of posts would help YOU through the hard times?
If’n you DON’T feel comfortable asking for a particular topic in the comments, don’t hesitate to email me: becky.harks@gmail.com
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This August, we are officially bringing back the I Am Me Project that was started back in 2011.
The premise is simple: define yourself. Can be easy as simple declarative sentences or as challenging as eye opening revelations. This is an ongoing project here at The Band and we’ve found this can be an incredibly healing premise. I do hope you’ll join us.
What makes you, well, YOU?
How are we alike?
How are we different?
How are you unique?
I’m personally challenging myself to rewrite my own – my initial submission is here.
Pretty much everything in my life has changed, so I’ll be interested (and slightly scared) to complete my I Am Me Project post.
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Do you have free time? No, seriously. OKAY so maybe “free time” is a quote-unquote.
Rather than ask that, I’m asking for those of you who can eke out a few hours a day/week to help keep The Band running. Off the top of my (very addled) head, I know that we need…
A photo editor
Someone(s) to run our Pinterest account
Someone(s) to run our G+ page
People to help brainstorm new ideas for The Band
— among a great many others.
Please, OH PLEASE, let me know if’n you can make some time to help us out!
That would be SO freaking Full of the Awesome. Even the littlest bit of time would be SUPER rad!
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Don’t know if you know this, The Band, but we also have social media accounts! (I will warn you that some of them, naturally, have been quietly moldering away) I’d be more enthusiastic but even my brand of paper towel has its’ own Twitter feed.
Band Back Together Twitter
Band Back Together Facebook
Band Back Together Tumblr
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To all of our lurkers out there, we’d LOVE to meet you! Stop by and leave us a comment just saying “howdy!” and, if you’re brave (which ALL of you are), we’d love a post or three from you!
Time to step out of the shadows. No more hiding in the darkness. C’mon out – the light you see around you? It’s a healing one.
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I do apologize for my prolonged absence and I promise to STOP going radio silent when shit gets real.
Wishing white sandy beaches for us all,
Love always,
Becky Sherrick Harks