This is my first post here. I’m just going to jump right into it.
It all started two years ago when I met a guy. He was a friend of a good friend of mine. I developed a crush on him. I started having dreams – sweet dreams – about him. These dreams resulted in more dreams. Now, I have lost count of how many I’ve had. In the latest one we were in the backseat of a car and I had my head in his lap and he was holding my hand.
It was perfect.
Yesterday I found out he’s moving away; he didn’t tell me where.
I cried for half the day. I don’t even know him very well. We’ve never really hung out socially alone before. I’ve only seen him at parties my friend has thrown. I know it must seem a little crazy to have all these dreams about someone I barely know, but I think we have some sort of connection. Now we’ll never be able to explore that.
Not to say I haven’t tried. Boy, have I! I’ve contacted him several times on Facebook…once I worked up the nerve. He was hard to reach because I didn’t have his cell number, which I finally got from our mutual friend. She didn’t exactly approve of my crush on him at first but she came around eventually.
I did get in touch with him on Facebook. He said he didn’t want to give me the wrong idea that it would be a long-term thing…which was what I’d wanted.
So now I feel horrible. I can’t make him not move, and if I tell him what I just told you, it will scare him away.
I know it’s just a crush, but it feels like so much more. It’s like my heart is being ripped in two…as cliche as that sounds. I know there has to be someone out there for me. I’m tired of hearing, “It will happen when you least expect it.”
I’ve been concerned with their drinking for a couple years, but it seems they have also become concerned with their drinking now – they said they don’t feel they can just “cut back” on their alcohol intake.
They’ve never lost a job or been arrested, but they spend most of their waking hours at home drinking beer; I’m concerned about the effects it has on their health, our budget, and our family.
They are drinking or asleep or grumpy most of the time and they don’t seem to be enjoying any of it.
They aren’t interested in doing anything aside from drinking, working, or sleeping.
I know I have zero control over if they actually quit or get help.
We’ve been together for well over a decade and we have young kids.
My spouse is a wonderful fucking person – that’s why I married them, and I know they can recover from their addiction if they commit to it and get help, I’m just not sure if/when quitting is going to happen.
To be fair I drank a lot too, when we first met, but I quit binge drinking after college and only drink rarely or at social events.
Here are my questions:
Is it possible to have a healthy family life with a functional alcoholic?
How do I help my spouse and not become codependent?
Thursday I’m having lumbar epidural steroid injections in an attempt to decrease the all-encompassing back pain I’ve lived with for 9 years.
Like GOOD any member of Gen Y, I googled the procedures my pain management doctor offers before I saw her for the first time…and the results the internet gave me are less than stellar:
Only a whopping 60% of people see results, there is a possible vast increase in pain for a few days after the injection, I’ll only able to do this for a limited time, blah blah blah.
My doctor is feeding me a different story…along the lines of “two injections and you won’t ever have to see me or anyone else ever again.”
I don’t know how an anti-inflammatory will get rid of the bulging discs the MRI showed, but she didn’t seem concerned.
So, I’m torn, The Band.
Am I just a horrible cynic who’s been through 13 doctors and can’t see the light no matter how bright it is?
I really feel like I’m being sold the back pain version of a miracle weight loss drug. Not that I have a choice; at this point I’ll try anything to keep myself from jumping in front of a train.
It feels like everyone around me is sinking further and further down this whirlpool of insanity. Meanwhile, I’m floating on some shitty piece of driftwood yards away. I’m holding on for dear life, eyes closed, hoping i don’t get sucked back in to that hole. I’m sick of that feeling. it’s almost worse than drowning in the whirlpool itself.
t’s hard to come to grips with the fact that no matter how well I’m doing, I’m probably gonna end up feeling like complete shit again, because that’s just the way my brain cookie crumbles.
My five-year old son punched me in the nose this morning.
He was tired and frustrated and I was trying to rush him out the door. He gets his temper from me. None of this excuses what he did, but at least I can understand.
I thought, Wow, being punched in the face is a great way to start the day. This will obviously be a shit day.
I had no idea.
That afternoon, I got a call from the doctor’s office. My culture came back.
Two weeks ago I had sex for the first time in years, since getting divorced from my son’s father.
After the sex, I got a Urinary Tract Infection. I was uncomfortable, in pain, and I couldn’t sleep. It’s been two weeks, and I still haven’t slept much.
Now I get a call from the doctor’s office, and it turns out I have herpes.
I want to die.
Instead, I am sitting at work in tears.
He says he didn’t know he had it. We used a condom, but he performed oral sex on me. That’s the only way this could have happened.
I like him. At least, I think I do. He’s sweet and nice and he’s been treating me the way I wish my ex-husband had.
Do I still?
I don’t know. I feel like I can’t know.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks.
He’s out of the state for work for the next week. He sent me a text message a bit ago. I told him to fuck off. He called me. I told him the culture came back positive, but I couldn’t say what it was positive for out loud. I’m at work. I’m embarrassed.
