Select Page

Still Alive and Thriving

After going through what was quite possibly the most difficult year I’ve had so far, Things are finally settling down.

I’ve lost a child, was denied access to a child and have fought all year through to get it back.

I faced some of the most horrific gas lighting abuse imaginable,  I work in a position of trust and have done so for many years and my former abuser decided that they would try and get me fired with some of the worst false accusations you could imagine.

I’m now at a point where child protection services no longer believe my former abuser and have some solid boundaries in place to protect myself.

They tried so hard to pretend they were the victim whilst I watched them send constant mixed messages, cheat on me, control every aspect of my hard earned wages, my professional life and personal life alike, and I watched my friends disappear everyday, then when enough of my support had gone they turned on my family.  They were constantly redirecting the blame for everything onto me and making me feel responsible for every bad situation they created by abusing others as well.

The final straw was when I recognized that they were trying to set me up to make the biggest move of gas lighting abuse imaginable, I’ll be the first to admit that it didn’t go as far as accusing me of Satan worship or cults where children were sacrificed, but it got pretty close and was all to try and control and limit my access to my child.

I then identified defining factors of Munchhausen by proxy in their behavior and had no choice but to try and protect my child as best as I could whilst fighting off these organizations that she used to further victimize me.

My child was ill, in accident and emergency or was at emergency appointments almost every week.  I noticed that the universal factor was that my former abuser would always press for me to have contact with HER, not my child.  When I tried to be there for my child without seeing them even under the supervision of medical professionals, I was told that it’s unacceptable and I have to see my former abuser.

I am still clearing up the shrapnel in my life but it’s back.


I’ve been studying the past year to help real victims of domestic violence as a McKensies friend, as well as help both mothers and fathers hold onto their children when courts become involved, offer practical and emotional support for the men women and children whilst maintaining my own contact with my child and jumping through those hoops.

I’m in a fairly successful band and still retain my job in a position of trust, I’ve trained as a volunteer children’s speech therapist and rebuilt all of those broken bridges from my friends and family and I’ve brushed up on my cooking skills a great deal, and I still donate blood as often as possible.

If I had tried any of this over the past years during my victimization I would of crumbled and broke under the pressure.  But now,  now I can do all of this with an ease that belies my former victimization.  Now it’s all as natural as breathing to me.

I received a shock on valentines day, It was an act that helped me realize how far I’ve come and how much stronger I am.

My former abuser sent me a valentines card…….

Are they sure about that?

I suspect that they have either the final screw has come loose, lost the ability to exert their manipulation of others and want to try again with me, or want to try and set me up again.

Well, Not Gonna Happen.

I did not build all of this to watch them break it again.

Not this time.

Find someone else to fall victim to you’re disillusion, faux perception and toxic miasma of a personality because I am free.

Thank you to The Band and Aunt Becky

I’m sorry for my silence since my last post I’ve just been so busy.

Until next time,

Stay strong all of you

I Never Even Knew

I think it’s Munchhausen by Proxy. Malignant Narcissism is more like it I think, but the DSM (whatever version we’re on now) doesn’t recognize it. Did I read that correctly, somewhere? Wow. That’s all I have to say is wow. As life goes, from birth to death everyone has a story. I never understood that my mother was like, but each day gives me more perspective and puts it into balance.

I need to find the right person to speak with about this, so that I can begin to resolve it. The process of discovering aspects of the narcissists personality is none other than astounding, and I can’t imagine why in the hell it has taken me this long to see it. My brothers cannot see it. It’s fascinating. I pushed and pushed I guess, not accepting that my mother’s type of communication is even remotely acceptable, and my siblings just aren’t ready, if they will ever be to see it. It’s okay, because for some reason I see it, and I’m out of the fog, and there’s no one to talk with about it.

The depth of understanding I have and my intuitive ability and willingness to deal with myself and others have led me to want to write, to talk to and be able to grieve respectfully. I’ll write more later. I hope this blog thing works out. If not, I’ll find some way to get it out…I have to.