My name is Sam, and I’m an addict.
I’m not a “real” addict, though. I’m just irresponsible, immature, and emotionally unstable and that’s why I spent my entire inheritance on makeup, perfume, clothing, nail polish, and food.
No, that’s not true.
I am a real addict.
Just like the alcoholic, the substance abuser, the gambler… I’m a shopper. I am a compulsive shopper. Shopping is my drug of choice.
And just like every other addict, my addiction causes me fear, guilt, and shame. It’s alienated me from friends, family, and even other addicts with whom I worked to get better. It didn’t fill up the hole inside of me like I thought it would.
As a diagnosed borderline personality disorder patient, who has parents who essentially abandoned me as a child (and yes, it really is possible to abandon someone and their needs and still live in the same house), I started accumulating things as soon as I had money of my own.
My father, who was – and still is – extremely successful and well-off, never taught me how to work with money and live companionably with it. Instead, it was something to be feared, revered, untouchable.
I can’t control my addiction, and although I know that this shopping addiction is there, I don’t know how to stop it.
My name is Sam, and I’m an addict.
I am by no means experienced with addiction, but I have been (and still am) in a similar home environment, i simply turned to depression instead of it. Maybe some of what is helping me can help you, too. 1. I started to make clear plans and schedules for every day, which i stick to no matter what. (Leaving me less random time to do things i shouldn’t) 2. I keep my room or whatever your equivalent is, clean and tidy. (If you keep collecting things, this might be important for you to change your habits) 3. No hasty or impulsive decisions, or in your case purchases. It’s always easy to say that, but i am trying it for weeks now and i am still not there yet. I try to stop myself from acting impulsively by remembering why i am doing it. Usually i can prevent my mistakes this way since i “calm down” from whatever emotion drove me to that behaviour while i am trying to make up some reason for it. (4. Sports and friends help massively to keep one occupied) Just have a look what may be useful to you, best of luck for your future!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you started a relationship with a therapist? That might be a good place to begin. I wish I could tell you it was easy, but it’s not. I’d bet that they have 12 step programs for this. That may be a good place to start, although I firmly believe that a therapist can help. Best of luck to you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this after all the trauma in your childhood.
Any 12 step fellowship will work. I like how N.A. words the first step, because it isn’t specific to any substance or behaviour. It recognizes addiction as the problem, regardless of the drug of choice.
Addictions are always ugly – regardless of the type. Please try to get some help. Sending love and light your way.
I’m glad that you know yourself well enough to know that you need help to stop. I think that alone speaks volumes about your maturity. Best of luck to you now and in the future.