Those who grieve hardest when a sibling dies are those who are most often left to grieve alone.
This is the story of losing her precious sister:
It’s been six months since my sister died.
Already.
How is that even possible? February seems so freaking long ago.
Originally as I started his post, I was at a low low point and after some thought, I hit delete. Because I wanted to start this post over. Like I wish I could do to my life, well, most of the time.
I will say my grief has been better. A couple times, the grief hit me like a tons of bricks. It happened once when I’d gone to visit a friend who’s expecting her first child which is wonderful. We had a great time, but during the drive home, I felt sad – I’m 30, and still don’t have those “joys” that everyone else around me seems to have.
It really hurts.
I cried on the drive home.
Not long after, Dad had the last of my sister’s belongings from storage. Stuff I hadn’t seen in ages; stuff long-forgotten – cue water works. It was over just like that. How do you deal with that?
Then, Mom’s wound – the one she’d had surgery on a month before Jenny died – re-opened. She’s having ANOTHER surgery right before the six-month anniversary of Jenny’s death.
I feel like screaming.
However, there is healing.
I recently accepted a co-chair position for my local Relay For Life – I’ll be one of two in charge of the whole event. I felt taking this on would give some kind of purpose in my life. I have such a huge hole I have to fill.
I don’t let the grief consume me, I get up every night (I’m night owl), go to work, then a walk or workout. After that I’m off – I eat, spend time with my family and friends, I laugh, I smile. I keep going because it’s what Jenny would want.
It’s not easy – then again, nothing ever is. There is a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. You just have to get through it.
Not a day goes by where I don’t miss her smile, her giggles, her fluffly brown hair, her sparkling eyes – the way she’d squeeze my fingers.
I end this post with a quote from Winne the Pooh by A.A. Milne:
“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever”