Dear Girlfriend #3,
I wish I could give you this warning in person, but I know that you would confront your new boyfriend about it. And if he found out that I warned you, I wouldn’t be here at all…
That being said, there are some things you need to know.
Your new boyfriend is abusive. He will not show you that now. I didn’t see it until about three months into our relationship. I am sure he has told you about his ex-wife and I. How we are “crazy” and “evil.” I’m sure he has told you how badly we have fucked up his life and broke his heart.
Please take this opportunity to look him up online, in every capacity you can conceive.
He has had two restraining orders filed on him. He is registered as a batterer at four different domestic violence shelters in this state – those are just the ones I am aware of.
I had to move a state away to hide from him.
He is charming and he is handsome. He will make promises that he will never keep. His family enables his abusive behavior and will never turn on him if you say something. They have, and will continue to, sit idly by while he hurts you.
Stay away from him when he is drunk as that is when he is the worst. He will humiliate you, degrade you, and do whatever he feels is appropriate while he is inebriated.
I’m sorry I can’t tell you this directly. I wish there was more I could do without risking my own personal safety.
Watch for the red flags. The weird text messages, the unusual possessiveness and questions about your friends and whereabouts. Question his previous relationships and what happened. Try and talk to his exes.
See what you find out.
We’re on the same team, you know. Womankind and all of that. It took me years to get out and it will take me years to heal. You don’t deserve that.
Great post, I wish I could anonymously send this to her. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. XOXO
I desperately want to as well but not at the price of me and my child’s safety. *Sigh*
I wish these letters were things we could really send. I wish there was a way to make the cycle of hurt stop forever.
I can say that the physical wounds have healed. It only took two ear surgeries to repair the physical damage.
The psychological damage, the emotional damage, the spiritual damage–that takes longer and it isn’t so easy. No doctor can just go in and put me back together again.
I believe that all I can do now is be a living witness that we can survive this. It was womankind that carried me when I got out.
I am just grateful that you got out, too.
Oh how I wish I could write a letter like that to my ex husband’s current gf….I feel she should be warned. She’s young, pregnant with his child, and I can see the cycle starting over again. I wish someone had warned me.